xplorationgt

Last night you sent me a text asking how work was today? I don't think you genuinely care but instead you are just throwing breadcrumbs my way. I wanted to respond back but I didn't. I'm so proud of myself for texting you back. I still can't believe that you literally gave up on a 5 years relationship with issues that are fixable.

I'm not going to go back and forth with you on social media. I'm better than that. I know that you like to post things to show that you are doing fine. I know it's really not and you're hiding being a mask and that's okay. You do what you have to do but I will not check your stories anymore. But I know that you'll check every minutes or so to see if I look at it. I'm not going to let you trap me in like this.

Hey You, It's been exactly 14 days since you packed up your things and moved out of our home. I'm still adjusting to every bit of it and the pain/agony is unbearable. I'm sorry I didn't see the issues and able to address it. I wish you were able to communicate it to me so we can talk about it. Instead of just giving up on us after 5 years being together. I'm trying to hard to heal from this breakup but I'm not able to do it right. You texting me here and there, throwing breadcrumbs just brings me back to stage 1. I cant wait to meet you this coming Saturday to transfer the title to for the car and afterward I can finally go full no contact to heal. I love you so much and it sucks to know that you fell out of love. I hope one day if we ever cross path that we are able to give it another shot where we both are better and learned from being apart. I know I don't want to lose you and neither do you but I can't just be your friend. We are lovers and I can't see being friends with you will do us any good even if we are with someone else. I want to text you so bad but I know better not to. I'm going to be a doormat anymore or someone there if you need someone to talk to to ease your pain. I'm so happy that this forum is in existence so I can write on here instead of reaching out to you. You are so good at hiding your pain and emotions. I wish you find yourself and love yourself where you can open them up to people who loves and cares for you. I hope that when I do go full NC that you will feel my absent in your live and a part of you will regret the decision you made overnight. I hope that you will get better and know what you want in life. I hope that if we ever run into each other and decide to come back, that you are 100% ready and committed to the new relationship. I love you!

I want to start the No contact so bad but I can yet because she's coming back to our apt. this saturday to get all of her stuff and move out. Why life is so unfair?

Day 1 Back at it again with NC and this time it'll be the last time. I'll be not breaking it anymore!!! I need to listen to my brain instead of my heart. It was the same thing but different day...In the end you always wanted to be single, wild, and free while I wanted to be in a relationship. It's just terrible timing and I wish I met you later on in life. This time though, the BU was not as bad because it's not the first time. I told you all I could and we said our goodbyes. Yet you still managed to text me shortly after with a small talk. I really wish you can leave me alone because you can not have both. You need to go work on yourself and vice versa. Only way I can take you back is when you grow up to be the woman you always wanted to be, instead of a high school kid craving for attentions from every dude and guy friends. I'm actually doing a lot better and can't wait for the next chapter of my life. I'm sorry I can't be your friend and now you feel like a ghost to me. I do wish you the best in life! In the mean time I'll continue to do NC for as long as I can so I can be over you and be a better person. After work today, I went to Barnes and Noble to relax, got some work done, and not at home missing or dreading over you anymore. Reality is going to hit you sooner than you'll think!

I wish you can just be up front with me and tell me that you misses me, it was a wrong decision to BU with me, and that you want to start over. Instead of your lies such as I'm just checking up on you and continues to text me throughout the day. I know you have so much pride and ego but damn, for once let it go and tell me like how it is. In the end you are the dumper and I'm the dumpee, so you have to work for me now instead of me chasing you like the first time we met.

I have the urge to text you and go on and on and on. That was mistake and that's why you felt tied down. Because of this breakup now I know what was wrong, I wish you told me so I can adapt to you. I wish I can just see you, hold you, and have a drive blasting music enjoying this nice PNW weather that we are having instead of the rain. The pain I'm going through is unbearable, I feel like something is eating from within. As of now I kept telling myself it's over for good...this is what you wanted and you are firm on it. I'm preparing for the worst and hope for the best. I love you!

Day 3 I dreamt about her twice within one night...woking up about 3 hrs before my alarm. One dream was normal and one extremely strange. Still thinking of her as the day passes by and hoping that she would reach out to me. Been 6 since I last saw her and I misses her dearly! Later on in the day I'm going to workout and trying to be busy to keep my mind off of her, it'll be hard but I'm going to try. Later in the evening I'm going to a friend's house for a get together and bbq. Hopefully it'll help a little...NC is really hard but it's a must I guess.

I miss you so much and now I realized what I did wrong in our relationship. But the things I did was because I'm in love with you and wanted us to communicate better so we can have a chance for years to come. I know you are still young and confused at what you want, if that was the case you should of told me from the beginning. I hope you are missing me as much as I'm missing you and I hope you'll come to your senses and give us another shot whenever you are ready. Ot'll be extremely hard to see you when we go on that trip that was planned for your brother's birthday. It can be one hell of a closure which we never got or an opening/beginning to someone thing better than before. I know you need your space/time and I'm giving it to you and to myself as well. Going to better myself and learn from my mistakes... I love you and I just wish you can just see it and give us another shot down the road.

Day 2 Woke up this morning to a few texts of friends trying to help me get through this ordeal. They all know that I love my SO and I would want another shot with her more than anything. Yes, I was a little sad and lonely this morning. Kept thinking about her and having the urge to text her but I didn't. I'm not sure going NC for two weeks would help anything because her brothers, dad, etc.. all told me to let her be, she's confused at what she wants. She want to be single but yet be in a relationship with me (mixed feelings). The more I let her be and let her think clearly, she will misses me and when's she ready she will contact me again. Well I know her brother before dating her and we planned a trip next week on the 11th for his birthday. She'll be going as well and I told him it's best that I don't go! He was a little upset because he really wanted me there, I told him it would be really hard for me. With that being said I made my decision to go to the trip and it's for him not for her. So basically I'm going NC for two weeks. Not sure what will happen when we are on that trip for the whole weekend but during NC I'll improve myself and try to keep it up. Plans for today is work then some tennis later tonight and take out my anger at hitting the balls.

NC day 1 and 2 I forgot to post about day one so I'm going to post it first and then day 2 after. DAY 1 It was extremely hard to go NC after her breaking up with me the previous day. I told her that we need to do NC and its for the best. Throughout the day I'd think about her and what I did wrong for us to be like this. I leaned on friends and family to help me get through this during this difficult time. Yes, I want another chance with her and I'm hoping that one day I can get that. But first I'm going to better myself and being way from her, hopefully she'll come back down to her senses. She ended up texting me at 10:38am asking for my little brother's number. I'm not sure why but she has his # and they are friends on FB. She did sent him a message but at least wait for him to reply back instead of texting me? So I told him to just text her and say Hey. She replied back with are you working today, can you do me a favor and pick something up for me from your work? Why do you even bother texting me? I was furious and I was over analyzing! I ended up ignoring her and that's a huge step of moving forward. Kept myself busy all day going to the beach then ended up playing tennis until 10pm at night.

Alexia, How did we come to this? Why did you say yes to being my GF and only end up dumping me a few days later over a small argument? I treated you so well and all you want is to be single and have fun. How can you be so cold blooded and have no sympathy whatsoever? It hurts me so much today when I'm asking you what your true intentions are with me and to tell you about NC. You didn't care one bit. I wish you can grow up and see what you are missing out. I refuse to be your safety net, your fallback, your plan B. You had placed me from a lover into a friend zone. That's something I can't do and I don't want to be there when you are with another guy. It'll feel like a train just ran through me! I'll miss you dearly...

Day 1 So my ex and I just talked this morning. I asked her was her true intentions are with me since she want us to be friends? She said, "I only want to be friends for now! I'm not looking or trying to be with anyone. Do you get that?". I replied back saying that I appreciate her for telling me that so I can do NC. She said. "okay if that's what you want, you can block me on fb so you don't have to deactivate it, I'll miss you too, take care!". Well this is a start and it's feeling like a train just hit me. I miss her dearly and I know that my chance with her is slim to none now. At least I can take this challenge and try to better myself and move on. I feel so weak and but this is a start.

Do you tell an ex about NC or just vanish in thin air?