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ezra

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  1. ezra
    we broke up for 3 months approximately. the first month was me totally begging and pleading and acting like a worthless bag of tears (so ashamed of how I behaved) until I opened my eyes and just couldn't take it anymore and broke every contact. I blocked him from my phone, my whatsapp, instagram, facebook, everything, so he couldn't message me. A month went by and I was starting to feel better. At the end of the month he asked a friend to message me, and I blew him off. A week passed and he called using another number saying that he was very sorry for what he did, that he felt so stupid, and that he loved me but if I wanted to hang up I could do it and never talk to him again because he deserved it. We talked like for 2 hours that night on the phone and we agreed on meeting the next morning, so we did. It was brief (like 1 minute) because I was in class. Next day we went out on a date and talked about went wrong. He apologized and said he wanted to be a better boyfriend. We agreed not to get back together immediately and even as of now, we are not officially together yet in fear of how our friends/family would react. It was a somewhat nasty break up. But we are still pulling through. We are happy now, and there are some issues that need to be solved but well, we are working on them.
  2. ezra
    thank you so much! when we broke up we had roughly 1 year together. if im completely honest with you, i dont know why exactly we broke up. i think we were fighting on a daily basis, i got jealous easily, he partied all the time, was becoming bored of me, i tried to make him jealous... a lot of things happened. one day he said he couldn't take it anymore and broke up with me. we hardly spent any time bonding (like real bonding), our relationship was very physical. when we got back together we spent more time with each other, but of course, it takes determination. i have learned to control my rage so i don't explode on him whenever i feel threatened, we communicate instead, and he in turn has been very understanding and stepping back from partying and booze.
  3. ezra
    me and my bf got back together after doing the NC thing... i can't say he lost his grip on me during that time, because it just took one call from him and we decided to reunite and talk... and then we just got back through time. i was (and still am) scared of things falling apart again, but i definitely gained more self-esteem and learned so many valuable lessons... my bf learned his lesson as well. time apart was really a blessing for both of us. we are happy now and still trying to learn to trust one another, we are going slowly but it's good. it can happen... getting back together. my advice would be... if they broke up with you... cry your loss. take your time. but slowly be used to the idea of losing them forever. if they come back it will be a surprise, but if they don't, then you wouldn't be so disappointed. hang on there
  4. ezra
    Day 30 I completed the "challenge". I will continue to do NC. I don't think I'm going to actively count the days from now on. The worst part is behind me, now it's time to focus on me. Yesterday I cried a little bit, not for him, but for guilty feelings about a lot of things in my life. Like in some way I "deserved" what happened to me because I'm not good enough. I know that is all bullcrap but deep inside me, that has always been my worst insecurity. My weakest part. I don't know what he is up to, nor I want to know. It will only hurt me. Knowing about his existence. I'm fine pretending he's dead.
  5. ezra
    S., Thank you for all the good times. Today I didn't think much of you. In fact, thinking of you is something bothersome. I've turned you around, put you upside down, in every way possible in my mind, it just got bored. I'm starting to heal. I've to say, this has been one of the toughest experiences (1 month NC) but I learned so much from myself. I learned that I have the dignity to stop feeling sorry for myself, and that I'm strong enough to let go of someone who meant the world to me. I'm thankful for the happy times we shared. It's life. I don't wish you any well yet. I hope I can reach that point someday. I'm focusing on me and my well being. Goodbye my old friend
  6. ezra
    Day 28. 4 weeks ago was the last time we talked. His friend (who I have no relationship with) has been texting me out of the blue. I haven't responded though. I think my ex is trying to test the waters. He's so pathetic he thinks I don't know it's him behind his friend because I blocked him everywhere and he can't contact me at all? I noticed today that I'm starting to move on. I don't remember how our conversations used to be. He is finally losing his grip on me. I feel so blessed. This time apart has made me realize things and put them into perspective. I don't want him back. I can genuinely say so.
  7. ezra
    I did it. I deleted them. S, it's not my fault. It was not my fault. i've been thinking about it lately. It's not my fault. I never had trust issues. you provoked them by lying to me and hiding things that were important. you knew we wouldn't get along if you disclosed some information so you preferred to maintain your mouth shut. well it backfired honey. I will never be able to trust you again. I just can't. i don't want you back.
  8. ezra
    Day 25 I feel my mind wandering, always. I miss him. But I'm not going to take him back, ever.
  9. ezra
    Well, today I think I saw you. I'm not quite sure. I think you were staring at me. Maybe I'm going crazy and I'm imagining things? I'm sorry that we have to act like strangers now. But when I think of how sad it is, I remember that you wanted it to be like this. There was no other way around. I'll finally erase our photos from my phone, because seeing them no longer gives me pain, it just... they seem out of place now. I'm sorry that we have to part ways forever. I'm so sorry.
  10. ezra
    Day 24 Still miss him like crazy, I wake up at night and think about him. Yesterday I broke down and cried in a public place. So embarrassing. I think I'm starting to feel the punch. We won't ever, ever get back together.
  11. ezra
    I feel so pathetic. I must have been garbage to him, because he threw me just like that. like a piece of sh&&t. like I didn't mean anything. I feel like I could be replaced and he wouldn't even look back. I feel so worthless (i know i'm not myself) to him. was this even real? how did this happen? Day 22
  12. ezra
    Day 21 Oh my god... 3 weeks today.
  13. ezra
    Day 20 Im feeling bad today... will try to cheer up some time. I can't believe i've gotten this far. i have no intentions of breaking NC until im FULLY healed... sucks that this person was close to me, now if we bump into each other we will have to pretend we dont know each other.
  14. ezra
    Day 19 I wont ever go to my old ways. I feel like I reached some stage in which I cant look back and go back. I'm strong. I'm determined to end with my suffering. My career needs it. My future love will be happy because of how much of a great person I will be at that point. My parents will be proud. I will feel happy with myself.
  15. ezra
    I will have to see your face again at uni, and it will hit me like a punch in the stomach. I have to be prepared. I dont know what to do... you will probably ignore me (although I plan on ignoring you as well) and that will hurt my ego. I just want to hurt you. I want you to be hurt. I want you to feel even the third part of what I'm feeling. You have no freaking idea of how much you hurt me. I'm angry... these days I've been angry a lot. It is my fuel right now. I have to cling on to it as much long as I can, because once I reach other stages I guess I will be vulnerable again. I wonder if you think of me as much as I think of you. I hate you so much... sometimes I fantasise with getting back with you when you ask for it and then do all kind of crap to you while you fall in love with me again, so you will get hurt over and over. You feel feel how it feels. But I wont do that. Another will do that job for me, the likes you like to have sex with. Sorry for this angry rant.
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