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lionheart153

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  1. As already said, she wants to give up alcohol all together because of this. She had already thrown out anything we had in the fridge already, and she vows she will cut it all together
  2. I cannot remove my ex's from this world. I dont talk to them and I dont have any contact. I am completely over and moved past them. No ex is hovering over me. So what I am to walk away from a relationship that is compatible in every other way? Also I don't know if it was made clear or not but she doesn't drink excessively, a beer or a drink for dinner after a long day of work, maybe. But only time it gets to much is when there is a get together and everyone is trying to let loose in this hard times. It happens once a month, sometimes none at all. Also there has been pretty much no conflict since then. The only reason its come up recently is because of the holidays. i did not respond to the girl that msg me out of the blue for closure (yes she asked for closure specially in the text) there was nothing to say. I didn't want to be shady so I wanted to talk to my partner about it. yes I guess I could have swept it under the rug. Thats just how I am. I dont think I am broken or anything, I have a therapist and I contiously work on my self. and the cleaning was a surprise. she was just trying to do something nice. My house is a mess as I am the more sloppy one. It was not intentional but it did hurt her. We dealt with it and moved on. All I am asking is, for a small slip up, is it something to move past or move on. I probably didnt need to give all this context as it paints a one sided picture
  3. I need advice. I'll try to keep it short. My Gf of 1 year, has been insecure with our relationship whenever we go out and she has to much to drink. Doesn't happen often as with Covid nights out aren't super common. But lets say once a month or so. When she gets insecure she often brings up my ex who she never met, but because she was kind of a famous local social media influencer (3-4000 followers) and during the short time we dated she encouraged me to post on instagram more and she also posted about me. After the break up she did not take any of those things down and I blocked her so I simply was removed from the tags. But pictures of me with her still existed. Of course my current gf happen to follower her during all this. Fast forward 8 months later I met my current partner and every time she gets insecure she brings my ex back up, lamenting on the fact that she doesn't know if I love her as it looked like I loved my ex as much. I used to brush it off but it really affects her so I try my best to reassure her and show that I do love her and that I am in it for the long haul. Near xmas, another girl that I had been talking to before i started dating my gf, msg'd me out of the blue. Basically she seemed to want closure on us (long story but she and I had a falling out, we never even met in person just talked on phone and text) but I had moved on long ago. I felt it was the right thing to do to show my gf for honesty as I was planning to reply and help her get her closure if that was what she needed. My GF did not take it well but after calming down just told me to do what I had to do but don't bring her up which is fair. Fast forward to last night, we've been having trouble for the past few weeks with communication. I got her a dog for Christmas and it has taken a toll on the relationship because she feels she does more work taking care of it, which she does as I am usually at work and rarely at home while she works from home. I've noticed that something was bothering her but every time I press she says it is nothing. Last night we were out with her friends and having food and drinks. She got quite drunk, so drunk she puked 3 times on the way home which I have never seen her do so before. However I noticed she was texting someone during dinner and I asked who, and maybe cause she was drunk but she didn't hide her phone well, I noticed that name that looked like the guy she had a thing with a year before we met she never committed her. I asked her about it and she showed me her snapchat and yet it was. He replied to a snap she posted on her story about having drinks. I admit at first I over reacted but it was because the fact she made sure i deleted and blocked all my ex's which i did so happily as I really saw a future with her) I started to text her some pretty angry msgs as i did not wnat to cause a scene. I think it really upset her and she went to the washroom. She ended up msg the guy again and it was not until we got home and into an argument that i found out what she texted him. I'm upset and I say since it was nothing, that it was just about the picture she posted let me see what you texted back. So gave me her phone but I don't know if she meant for me to see this or not but maybe she didn't delete what she thought she was trying to delete. It said this: Her: I want you Him: What, I thought you had a bf? Her: it's different Him: what do you mean? She never replied cus that last msg was what I say. Obviously that made things worse. She claimed it wasnt a sexual thing it was, it was emotional because this guy was that for her at one point. She claims our sex life is the best she ever had so it was not sexual. So i don't know what to believe. long story short she cried and and apologized, as she sobered up. She kept crying and saying she made a mistake, she felt terrible and thinks she broke the trust between us, because honestly our relationship felt almost to perfect before. we talked late into the night, it still bothers me what I read, but this morning I had a talk with my best friend and he said that the trust will always have a crack in it. And that it will take time to heal. I asked if she was willing to work on it and she said yes. I guess to TLDR, am I over reacting, or was it accurate reaction. And Is this to far-gone from saving or is this something that could make us stronger if we are able to get through it?
  4. I think this was the approach that I told her when she mentioned about the fault issue. That is isn't inherently anyone's fault because we both have a past. I never asked for my life with my ex to be shared with the world nor did I expect her to follow said person to know those memories. When I got home and saw the album I went and threw it into the trash with out even a second thought because I simply don't care about it. When she arrived home I sat her down and we talked and she was level headed and understood that it meant nothing, that was until later that night. I guess how this escalated was the same day we had a party to go to for my friend in celebration of an achievement he made in his career. And she had a few drinks, which of course always happens as my friends love drinking with her (I don't like drinking, I do it socially only). When we got home, of course she starts talking about it. Hence us getting into it all. I guess if there is a resolution to this in the end is that I made it clear that it isn't ok for her to do this. I get when she accidently found a piece of ladies underwear in my closet a while back (again I didn't know it was there) I've told her not to clean my place as I have someone for that, and that even if she found the album, the minute she saw what it was she should have stopped. And now she will have to live with knowing what was in it. It sucks but that is what it is. She did apologize and genuinely feels bad about it but I am just trying my best to show her how much I care about her. And that we have to move on from it. So to be fair it was a shelving area that over looks my floor where my kitchen and my living room is. Hard to explain but yes it was a bit disorganized as I keep all my computer parts boxes on my build, my motorcycle helmets and their respective boxes as well as just other junk. So I can see why she wanted to organize it.
  5. I did sit her down to have a conversation, and while she did accept its her issue to deal with she seems resentful that it is always "her fault" hence why I am trying to see if maybe I have something to do with this. This is probably the second time this has happened the first time was a small piece of my ex's clothes was left in my closet somewhere and of course I had no idea it was there and she found it somehow of course. Since then I have purged my closet to see if there was anything left over. She complains that how come it is always her fault, but really did i do anything wrong? Like when she moved out of her place, she still had a whole storage of her ex's things that she was procrastinating to send back to him cuz he now lives out of the country. I didn't even bother to look into it because I knew better. If I saw something like photos or memories it'd would just mess with me so why bother?
  6. I had a long as post but figured this would be more direct. My current Gf was cleaning my house when I was at work as a surprise and found an old birthday gift from my ex. It was a small photo album of our 4 months together talking about how we met and how she loved me and ***. I wasn't keeping it for memories or anything I simply threw it up into my storage shelf when we broke up and completely forgot about it as I honestly haven't looked at my storage in years. I have thrown out a lot of my ex's things when we broke up which was over a 2 years ago now and we don't keep in touch as I have her blocked. But she found it and is now sad and insecure, thinking that I don't love her as much and stuff. Like saying how I don't like taking picture with my her but I took pictures with my ex. I explained that I don't like getting my picture taken and that my ex was a "social media influencer" so she constantly took pictures and forced me to take pictures with her (I do photography as a hobby). I put that in quotations because a social media influencer isn't real job unless you have 100k followers which my ex didn't it was something she wanted to gain but only had like 1000. But often time pictures of her happy with me was after a fight or argument and would usually be fake and my Gf can't seem to understand that. Anyway, what is the best way to deal with this? Any suggestions? Because I'm running out of ideas and now she went through the who album and read all the notes on it she is more insecure than ever.
  7. Appreciate the suggestion. We actually spend a lot of non-sexual time together. 24 weeks of dating, over a year of know each other all together. We do a lot of activities, whether it be date night though those are getting limited as covid restrictions are on the rise once again. We cook together and even go ride our motorcycles together (a hobbies she picked up from me and loves). In short we spend alot of time together, and honestly I wouldn't want it anyway. It isn't incompatible sexually, and I'm not sure you understand how it feels to deny someone who is initiating sex. I am worried I will hurt her as when I do, she often goes to the gym the next day and mentions she wants to be fit and look attractive to me. Even though I tell her I am attracted to her. I am wondering if this is normal for some or am I out to lunch in feeling tired of having sex. The actual sex once engaged isn't the issue. And I certainty don't think great sex is enough to keep a relationship together. All other aspects are perfect and I want to know if this is something I need to work on and figure out or if this is something to discuss and work together on. to answer directly, yes I am stressed with work right now. With covid restrictions on the rise here work could be affected and business will be slow meaning possible loss of income. She absolutely does and if I want something she is more than happy to oblige if she is comfortable with it. And no nothing in my past I enjoyed that I can't do with her to honest. with maybe the exception of one thing? But I'm not even sure I want to do that yet with her. I am feeling insecure in my self as I am the heaviest I have been so I know that if I go back to the gym and get in shape that would help and it is already something I am working on. And I do feel insecure sexually because I have gotten so used to the fact that if my partner doesn't enjoy or climax it bothers me somewhere inside me. While I have told her this I hope she does not fake it to appease me. But to answer you question yes. I don't ever feel like its faked but there was one time she did not climax and I think she could tell I was bothered. It was just an off night where I couldn't last which was very unlike me.
  8. Disclaimer: I didn't realize how graphic my post was going to be when I first started so I apologize if this offends anyone. So to start off, I am a (M32) and my GF is (F28). We've been together for 6 months now. At this age I find that what you seek for in a relationship is much more clear. And I am not afraid to say that I think she is the one. Quite confidently. She and I clicked from the moment we met but we took our time to get to know each other. What we found was that we were almost the same person. We both share interests in things such as fitness, or hobbies, taste in style, even food choices and adventures. Yet our own differences offset each others and work extremely well. We work in a somewhat similar industry and our drive to work hard and hustle to build a future is exactly the same so often find it so relatable and understandable when we shared frustrations or talk about our day. And I find it just so easy to be interested in her things that its just effortless which I now believe it is how it should be. Things she is into that I am not, I find interesting and want to learn, and vise versa she does the same. The bedroom is where I am worried, yet it isn't in the way you probably assume. To start I just want to say that I don't think I am exceptionally a great lover in bed, but I found often in past encounters I always strive to pleasure my partner. It's just who I am, as I find it gratifying. I mean I could easily just do a quickie and get off but it just never sits well. I like to get intimate, use my hands, and most importantly I enjoy helping my partner climax. I know some of you will try to be negative and say "they were probably faking it" which in all honestly they could be and I would never know. But I know at least from 1 of my ex's I was able to make her orgasm, quite violently I might add that I was scared that I thought she was having a seizure. And in many of my encounters I am told I help them achieve in someway. And sometimes it isn't obvious but sometimes it is extremely (ie convulsions, squirting aggressively, after sex having to just lay there and not move for 10 mins). Anyways to my point, I still think I am average. But often times in my past I get bored or grossed out with sex, infact my last ex as the relationship started to die, I often avoided sex as I just didn't enjoy it with her even though she enjoyed it with me. With my GF now, I notice that the sex is great, but she wants to do it every day. She had told me prior that in her past relationship they barely had sex, maybe 7 times in a year because it was awful. The first time we had sex, I made her climax so hard that she panicked and screamed because she didn't expect it, or experienced a climax during sex before. And of course the convulsions, she was stuck lying on the bed for 10 mins before she moved. In fact every time we have sex I often make her come multiple times. And before you say she's faking it, we often have to put a towel on the bed or whatever as she often.. you know. The sex was so good we basically have had sex every single day since we became official, and I'll be honest I am tired, and I find it harder to maintain a proper erection. We switch it up and stuff, and it's not that I don't want to be maybe I am just exhausted. She never forces me, but I feel bad for always letting her initiate because I think she is beginning to see that it is mostly her initiating. And she thinks because it is she is not attractive because she gained a few lbs and is going hard at the gym to get fit and toned again. I am worried that I get bored with sex to much or if it me just exhausted. Is there a way to approach this without upsetting her? And am I weird? Or is it normal for sex to feel this way, one of those to much of a good thing scenarios?
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