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vaxxter510

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  1. Hi Miffy, I'm sorry you are going through this difficult moment. Looks like you have done taken actions to move on but are still having a hard time. I checked back on your original post about the break up and it reminded me in a similar situation I was in years ago when it took all my will power to finally get over someone. I was in an abusive relationship with a woman I loved very much, and this person's emotional state pretty much dictated whether we were going to have a good day or not. Getting over these intense relationships can be difficult so what worked for me was to have better understanding of what I experienced. Here is a few things that worked for me and I recommend: Please watch Teal Swan's youtube video on "Intermittent Reinforcement". This video explains how intense relationships can become so addictive because of the lack of consistency and balance and the constant chase for validation from conflictive individuals. This may give you insight on why is it so hard to move on. Grieving is necessary but it can become very counter productive for every day tasks, I was tired of being interrupted by deep sadness and making excuses at work to go and cry in my car. So I started setting reminders to "feel sad for 10 minutes" on a schedule lol I know it sounds dumb. But it allowed myself to be okay with my grieving process and more importantly, to be connected with the present moment when it still wasn't time for that break yet. Eventually something funny happened, when the "feel sad" alert came up on my phone I kept postponing it until it was no longer needed. Aside from being emotional, getting over someone is a very physical process. Put your body in the best position to deal with the pain. Engage in regular exercise, HIIT workouts are specially good at helping you get rid of all that stagnant emotional energy. Hydrate, and eat healthy. I usually avoid most carbs because they have a tendency to make me want to eat again while I'm not hungry, which in turn affects how I feel. I'm not suggesting my diet to you, but look up online for foods that will help your body feel better emotionally. I bet you sugar, bread and pasta and not in there lol. Engage in activities that you have never done before. In my darkest times I usually learned a new skill or hobby. I took salsa classes, learned photography and even practiced dragon boat racing. I also made a few meaningful connections along the way. It will still take time to heal but practicing self awareness and feeling strong will absolutely get you being the better version of yourself sooner. Like you said, there is a point where family and friends can't help anymore, or they're already tired of hearing your updates lol I sure tormented people around me too long... that's why it's important to be intentional and proactive about moving on. You are young, and will only come out of this a better, stronger person. Right now it doesn't sound realistic but one day you will look back in a very different light.
  2. Dear ex-best friend and ex-girlfriend. I did not see any of the following personality traits back when we were friends and I ignored all the red flags when we started: unnecessarily jealous, controlling, mood-swinging, bipolar, disrespectful, liar, cheater. Breaking up with you was difficult, felt like letting go of a hot rock that burned my hands, but I fought eagerly to keep with me. Two months later you came back out of nowhere calling me, texting me and playing mind games that bring back feelings of hope, pain, uncertainty and keep me wondering and confused. But you know what? thank you for doing so. Now I realized that I've been dueling for the person I felt in love with but not for the person you are today. I owe an apology to MYSELF for letting you take control and make me change things I like. IT IS ALL MY FAULT because I could've left but I stayed. I hope you can resolve those inner issues that originated years before I met you, that way no one else will have to deal with your emotional baggage. As you said, you've never been able to sustain a healthy relationship, now I understand why. My despair and suffering showed me that I need to work on my self esteem and I'm working actively to become a better, stronger version of myself because I am also far from perfect (but I would've never cheated on you). Thanks to you I realize that I should never make anyone responsible for my happiness. I care about you deeply and I hope you find the answers to all of your dilemmas just like me. I have no regrets and don't hate you, you are just not what I need. If I don't answer your calls or texts is not because of you, I do it for myself. I am the most important person in my life, but I forgot about that when we broke up. I thank you for all the good moments we shared. Good luck, no hard feelings. ---------------------------------------------------- Forgive to let go. The happiness in your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.
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