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arjumand

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arjumand last won the day on February 11 2020

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  1. MINIMUM INVOLVEMENT with HIS own child? That is not something I could abide in a partner. Then, of course, there is all the unprotected sex and other stupidity. Also what is the point of a seven month break? That is a break up. This relationship is just a complete waste of time. Dump his ass and raise your standards. Seriously.
  2. Fourth cousin? That is not closely related at all. No one should think anything of it. I belong to an ethnic minority that lives around the world and genetically, we are all third cousins. Seriously, get a grip.
  3. You realize that you caught him twice. He has done this dozens of times. And it wasn’t just virtual.
  4. I don’t want it to be permanent means “I need a backup plan.” Function as a family means “I don’t want the responsibility of taking care of my kids.” She is completely only thinking about herself. You are off the table except for what you can do for her. get a lawyer and a therapist and look after yourself. You deserve much better.
  5. Alex, you don't need to meet quality men right now. You need to be a quality woman and that means taking the time to make yourself happy. That is what quality is. And you would be amazed that when you are happy with your life -- when you have friends and activities and things you enjoy -- you meet men because they notice happy. Right now you are giving off desperation because you want a man, any man, to notice you. That is not attractive. And that is not good for you. Take a year, work on you. Not just therapy. Find things you enjoy -- try different volunteer opportunities. Find classes to take that actually interest you. Find community groups to join. Spend time on hobbies that you have stopped or not done in a while. Make things. Learn a language. Bake. Do something. Make your life fulfilling. Stop giving so much attention to people who make you nuts. Find your people. Then in a year you might find a man, you might not. But you will have a better, happier life.
  6. So that is something to think about from a creative point of view. Why not paint when you are miserable? Is it that then you would actually see your feelings on the canvas and not be able to get away from them? Is it because you feel no visual creativity when you are miserable? I am a writer and I understand having no motivation in an artform at different times. But I have also found that forcing myself to begin work has garnered some really interesting work that lends my writing a different flavor. Perhaps if you force yourself to start painting you will end up with paintings that are different but just as worthwhile. Just a thought. Hope you feel better soon.
  7. Senior year is really more of waiting around for life to start. In your shoes, I would go after dance as you have a very short window for a career as with any type of athletic endeavor. Of course, I am not you. But either way, make sure you graduate.
  8. Contact a lawyer, without his knowledge, and figure out a divorce plan. Contact a domestic abuse hotline https://www.thehotline.org And discuss how to leave safely. Make a plan. Tell him nothing. Safety first.
  9. So really time has nothing to do with this -- it is something you are using as an excuse for getting married when you knew you didn't want to. Knowing him for five years would not have changed this because you just didn't want to get married. Just making a note that there is no magic number for how long you need to know someone to marry -- I knew my husband for less than a year when we got married 34 years ago. OTOH, I have friends who dated for five or more years and were divorced in less than two. The issue is knowing yourself and what you want. You know you don't want to be married -- so don't be. Let him find someone who actually wants to be in a relationship with him.
  10. Your thinking is correct -- that you can't be with someone who is mentally unhealthy and who is not doing anything about it. I am glad that you are valuing yourself and living your life. This is real progress. It is sad, and disappointing, but you are doing really well.
  11. It is so much less expensive -- both monetarily and emotionally -- to call off a wedding than to get a divorce. Call it off, walk away. It seems impossible, believe me, it is not. Plenty of people have called off weddings after money was spent and I don't know one who regretted it. I do know a LOT of people who regret marrying someone who has treated them badly and had affairs and generally just not treated them with respect. Respect yourself. Leave, don't look back, get some therapy, figure out why you were willing to put up with this fluff of a relationship when you are clearly worth more.
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