Jump to content

H3nk1

Members
  • Posts

    200
  • Joined

H3nk1's Achievements

Apprentice

Apprentice (3/14)

  • First Post
  • Collaborator
  • Conversation Starter
  • Week One Done
  • One Month Later

Recent Badges

2

Reputation

  1. I know it is limiting holding on to hope. Yet it is there and I guess will be for some time.. I am getting help. Much more so than before. I must, and I will. I needed a second slap in the in the face to finally admit I had neglected dealing with my core issues. It was so deep rooted and intrinsic to my thoughts. 2013 was the worst year in my life for several reasons. And she leaving me crowned it all. It all fell apart and I had nowhere to run besides to appreciation of my situation and role in its creation. She truly gave it her all. I noticed her slipping which made it all worse, and made me push her away even more towards the end. It is just how you describe it on her part. She has told me herself. And I witnessed it first hand. How I will ever forgive myself for allowing this to happen, and loosing this girl, and myself, I cannot comprehend. I know she cares greatly for me. Thus I will probably send her a letter eventually when I am stronger. Telling her how I am finally doing what was long overdue, that I am deeply sorry and that I want all the best for her.. Other than that, I am in NC on the 4th week now. It hurts so much to know I have no credibility left given she gave it one more chance 1.5 years ago. And that there is little to nothing I can do about that. I just hope she one day can also see her own role in not making it work after our first reconciliation. And that she will allow herself to release her inner feelings for me by trusing me again in that it truly is different this time around. I have to move forward. Yes. It is just so hollow right now as the one I loved gave up on me when I was at my lowest and was finally coming to terms that I needed to help myself.. All the things she said to me (and my brother which she contacted after the BU) underscores that she wants me to help myself. I hate this pity, really. And I want to prove her dead wrong for giving me up..
  2. I am so happy for you! Your story resonates with my own.. But she was the one who left me, for the second time due to my depression. I do love her and feel like we are "not done" too. I think she rather followed "reason" before feelings as we stagnated again. And I respect her fully. I was her first everything, and I know I am all she wants when I am my best. Sigh. If you have any advice / comments, feel free to let me know.
  3. Thank you, your attitude made me smile and you seem like a really great guy. I remember my time in the Navy (yeah, we have a few ships too), and how heartening some of the atmosphere was. Your BU-story is pretty wild buddy. My sympathies. Sigh. It is still so raw on me. I love her. And I know my depression drove her away. For the second time. Enjoy my hole of grief here: I wonder if I will ever be able to forgive myself.
  4. I did not dare to have more than a couple of glasses of wine and a sip of champagne. I am in Norway. Currently 00.30 AM. Last year I was hand in hand with the one I love. She left me the same day we were to plan new years with friends, Desember 14th. Every pierce of firework felt like insult to injury. I just cried and cried. I know she is happy partying with her friends and former crush. It cannot get any worse I guess. I will start 2014 with a doctors appointment, anti-depressants. Everything is broken and lost. Times like this I wish I had a faith to lean on. Good luck friend. Take it easy on the bottle.
×
×
  • Create New...