It's fairly well done, 3rd persion omni and all. To polish it, I would just go through and replace some of the abstractions with more concrete details, i.e., instead of "It was that hair that first attracted him.", say something like "His first impression of her had been in the way it gently hugged her shoulders and accented her neckline" It conveys attraction without using the word attracted. Or where you said "He felt weak and anxious," use concrete details to convey the weakness and anxiety rather than stating them outright, i.e., "His knees buckled a bit and his pulse increased while beads of sweat began to form on his forehead." (perhaps that's too much, but you get the idea). You actually use concrete details pretty well through much of the story, so it's not a major issue. But a few more could polish it. Otherwise, it's a very solid piece of writing. I liked it a lot.