sleepingdonut

On the 2nd Hobbit movie now.

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Watching The Hobbit again currently

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I like pin-up girls. Some women will be turned off, some won't. Better to be yourself with your own lovely edge than try to be a perfect sphere and scathe no one.

It's a beautiful letter. I hope your love will read it one day.

It's fairly well done, 3rd persion omni and all. To polish it, I would just go through and replace some of the abstractions with more concrete details, i.e., instead of "It was that hair that first attracted him.", say something like "His first impression of her had been in the way it gently hugged her shoulders and accented her neckline" It conveys attraction without using the word attracted. Or where you said "He felt weak and anxious," use concrete details to convey the weakness and anxiety rather than stating them outright, i.e., "His knees buckled a bit and his pulse increased while beads of sweat began to form on his forehead." (perhaps that's too much, but you get the idea). You actually use concrete details pretty well through much of the story, so it's not a major issue. But a few more could polish it. Otherwise, it's a very solid piece of writing. I liked it a lot.