jujigatame

This is a question I'm asking my friends, and frankly I'm disappointed in their responses. In my opinion, dating should be done to get to know someone. If you meet someone you are physically attracted to, and you seem to flirt with each other quite a bit, you should go out. What you should NOT do is become friends so that when it comes down to one of you asking the question, all sorts of other conflicting emotions are involved. Most of my friends seem to think dating is something you do once you are sure you like someone and want a relationship. However, most of my friends have terrible difficulties communicating with their love interests and making relationships work out in general. What do you all think of the subject? I think the problem is that "date" has become a loaded word and no longer means what it used to - a simple get-together in order to see if anything deeper can arise out of physical attraction.

I am very happy with every aspect of my life except the fact that I feel lonely and left out without a relationship to enjoy. I'm always active socially and usually attend a party of some sort every weekend, and I have been told by a few girls that I'm good looking and have an intriguing, unique, and exciting personality. However, I have never been on even a single date, even after making up my mind over a year ago never to go without asking out a girl that I like. I really feel burned and left out by all this, because when I'm at parties I often watch as girls I know and am casual friends with (last weekend one that I had just asked out and been rejected by...) hook up with other people. I felt so lonely and alienated that night that I had to leave the party and just go home. I feel like I have so much more to offer than these other guys do, but they're the ones that get all the girls. They don't even seem to have better looks or be all that funny or outgoing, either. They just start putting their arms around these girls and then a couple hours later they're making out. I talked to a female friend of mine and she said that she thought I was too mature for the way romance works in high school. I don't understand why things have to be so hard for me. I can flirt just fine and I have always been able to make people laugh. I'm not afraid to do little things like touch a girl on the arm or whatever, the things that sink other guys so often. My friends all tell me that I have great presense and really grab people's attention when I'm around. But it's been a long time since a girl has actually liked me in a romantic sense. I'm really feeling despair here. I don't want to stop trying and just give up, because then I'll have no chance at all. But I feel like I only feel more and more alone the more I put myself out on the line. I feel lonely, and jealous of all the people who are successful in finding relationships but can't even make them last. I just hope you guys out there can identify with me and might also be able to tell me how I can improve my situation, or what might be wrong with me... Also, how can I hope for things to change when I get to college? I'm greatly anticipating that. I am excited because I think people there will be more mature and open to deeper relationships. Finally, what's the deal with this party hookup scene? It all seems shallow and meaningless, but everyone I know has met their S.O. at such an event. Do guys even ask girls out anymore, or is has it become a dead tradition? Thanks for the input, people. I'm hoping for lots of helpful responses here.

I've been posting here a lot lately, trying to gain input from people as to what my problem might be in finding a worthwhile relationship. I'm getting quite distraught because I've been trying for eight months now to make contact with girls and maybe get into a serious relationship, and yet I haven't landed even one date! The problem is that I've always ended up getting attracted to, flirting with, asking out, and getting rejected by, girls who are already in relationships! I've gone through a good ten to twelve rejections because of this, and I'm getting very disheartened and it's hard to keep my chin up sometimes. The one thing I've got going for me is that I've never been flat-out rejected, based on who I am. It's all been circumstantial. But needless to say, it still sucks! I really need to be reassured here. I try to keep my own head up, but I need other people's help too. First of all, is this experience normal? It's really painful, and while I have no choice but to continue to expose myself to the risk of rejection if I ever want to meet a girl who'll be with me, I can't help but wonder if I'm getting shafted here beyond all reason. Second, I'm really hoping that this will all turn around once I'm in college. I've heard that college is a goldmine filled with single women, but I can't help but wonder given the kind of setbacks I've run into so far - people say the same things about high school. What are your experiences with college - are there really a lot of single people there, so my chances might be better? I'm really anxious and I need some comfort here. Help a brotha out!

Not calling to say you need to cancel a date is a BIG no-no in my book. That's just plain rude. My friend just got stood up last week, and it left her in tears. It's frustrating, it wrecks trust, and all it takes to avoid is a thirty-second phone call. Minus ten points for this guy right off the bat. However, this guy sounds like he's a good man and a sincere person who really cares about his children. That's plus points. It sounds like he really is busy with the kids, but he probably is just the kind of person who likes to spend time alone on a regular basis and may be feeding you white lies. You really need to talk to this guy about how you're feeling - what your worries are, how frustrating it is that you feel like you're not getting straight answers from him, and how you see this relationship proceeding. You have to be open, honest, and most importantly, soft. By soft I mean that you can't come off as nagging, instead sounding like you've just got some questions that need answering and are important to you. Communication is the root of this whole problem. You have to be a good communicator, or else any relationship will soon be riddled with problems. Good luck!

Okay, I'm feeling pretty stuck right about now. Lately, I've really been trying to meet new girls in order to start a relationship. This has been going on for about nine months. I haven't had good luck though - I've been outright rejected once or twice, but mostly I run into girls who seem to want to skirt the issue - usually because they're already involved, but a few who just don't want to go out with me but can't say it. One such girl led me on, talking to me over the phone for a month and agreeing to and then cancelling two different "dates" before telling me she already had a boyfriend, and then spread false rumors about me being some kind of stalker. It's beyond frustrating to me that such girls simply can't tell me no, and thus make an otherwise simple, painless process into a troublesome ordeal in which both people come out losers. Another related thing I get is that many girls I talk to seem to genuinely enjoy the conversations they have with me - laughing, flirting, et cetera - but then they clam up when I ask about a phone number or if they want to catch lunch sometime. I generally ask them after two or three conversations, if it's a girl I see on a somewhat regular basis, like between classes in the hallway, or after one conversation if it's someone I'll likely never get a chance to talk to again. However, when I ask these girls for their number, it's like I made some kind of faux pas, like they caught me picking my nose or staring at their breasts. It's happened to me a good six or seven times before, and once more earlier today with one of my coworkers... I have two books on meeting girls and dating, and have read many articles in magazines and online that reccommend just what I'm doing - conversing, flirting, being charming, polite, and complimentary, and then asking for a number so as to talk some more later. But this weird result still happens. Anyway, the crux of this post consists of these two questions: 1. Why can't girls just give me a straight answer? What's so hard about saying no, and why would they lead me on the way they do? If a guy asks you out, he's obviously already accepted the risk of rejection, so why be afraid to let him down gently and easily before a misunderstanding occurs? 2. Is there something wrong with my approach, or is the problem on the other end? Keep in mind that the girls I ask out are all in the 16-18 age window. Maybe it's just that they're not used to that kind of approach yet; I don't know... If that's the case, do you think things will be better in college? These questions are really bugging me, as I'm starting to worry that maybe it's my fault that I can't get a date and that I'm not really a victim of circumstance... Please respond!

Wow! It seems like you have pretty much everything in common with me. It seems like you're on the right track, making a move on girls you like - but don't get stuck on them. It feels good to have a crush, and it's fun to think about what might happen. But if in the end you ask and get turned down, it's okay. Don't sit around and wait for this girl to come to you again. She probably won't. But don't let it get you down. It's okay to feel sad or disappointed for a day or so after something like that happens, but after that you should try your best to bounce back up. There's not much else you can do. Unfortunately, high school is not the best place to meet girls. This is even more so the case because you're in a private high school, which tends to have a smaller available pool. The good news is this: If you keep going out of your way to meet people, it gets easier and easier every time, until you don't even have to think about it. Even if you get rejected, all it does is make you get more used to it. Just keep in mind that you're a great guy - you obviously know it, and I can imagine you must be a rare person just from reading your post. I know it's not much consolation as it doesn't help you _now_, but you'll meet just the right girl one day. You just have to hold onto yourself until then.

Right, right. I don't approach girls in the middle of class or anything. Just if they're around in the halls or in study hall. But yeah, I know what you're talking about. I do what you're talking about unless I don't think I'll see the person regularly. But I still like to be up-front about it. I guess that's more of what I was getting at with the gist of my message - if I see a girl I think is cute, I'll go up and talk. I do have some sense of timing... but I'm still okay with just going for the number right away.

I'm a very outgoing person and am almost completely unafraid of rejection at this point. 8) This makes my approach to girls I'm attracted to rather direct. If I see a girl I think is attractive and would like to get to know better, I basically just come up, start a conversation, and ask for a number if the girl seems interested in me. I really prefer the short, direct approach because it minimizes the pain of rejection - I didn't break my back trying to please this girl, so why get bent out of shape over it? However, in talking to a number of my female friends, and a couple of girls I've met in the aforementioned manner, I've come to realize that being hit on is not something they enjoy! They all seem to blow the act of being asked for a phone number, or given a compliment, or being otherwise flirted with completely out of proportion, hearing "I want you to be my girlfriend" instead of "Hey, let's just talk some more and see what happens". It's really confusing to me that a girl would give me her phone number even though she was honestly put off by my approach, and also that they would see my interaction with them as indicative of a desire to go out with them, not to talk with them two or three times over the phone and then be told they're already involved with someone! When I approach a girl, I want to make her feel like I've noticed her and think she's attractive without being threatening or lascivious. I want her to be comfortable enough to accept or decline my offer of further interaction with no worries, and I want her to realize that I'm not a stalker or a creep. Anyway, ladies (and men too) of eNotAlone, I want to know directly from you what you think about this kind of direct approach. Please post your comments. How would this approach make you feel? Would you be inclined to talk with me more if I did this to you? What do you think is the reason behind some of these girls' discomfort or total obliviousness to the nature of the interaction (Keep in mind that I'm in high school, and so are all my "targets"). Thanks for taking the time to read and reply to this. Much appreciated!

I totally understand what you're feeling right now. I'm also looking for a relationship right now, and have been frustrated because a good nine out of ten girls I talk to are boring and immature, and the remainder are already involved... grr! I also understand why it's so important for you to find love. Part of me retches at the mention of that word, particularly where teenage relationships are concerned, but at the same time I wish I could have a young woman by my side to confide in and share myself with. It feels like there's a void in my life sometimes, and I know what it is like to desperately want that void filled, but have to spend your nights alone with your thoughts regardless. Now, a Nancy Reagan moment: Drugs are for idiots! Seriously - if you're feeling lonely and want an interesting, sensitive person to be with, do you really think you'll find them amongst a pack of druggies? Or at an alcohol-soaked party full of stumbling drunkards? No. Nothing will come of that besides further disillusionment. Surrounding yourself with idiots will make you feel even more alone. I would admonish you to wait for your love to come. I personally can't wait to go to college, where I think I'll have much more success relationship-wise. But that doesn't stop me from trying to meet as many girls as I can while I'm still in high school. It's rough sometimes, but you've just got to overcome whatever shyness you've got and talk to the people you want affection from. That's about all I can say, so good luck and godspeed!

I don't sleep around, and would be quite happy in a monogamous relationship with a quality woman. However, I have a pretty high level of self esteem. Some men, especially those who feel they are lacking in humor or intellect or charm, or whatever, feel the need to sleep with women as a means of reflecting their value, i.e., "If all these women find me sexually attractive, then I must be worth something!" It's the affirmation that you are sexually desirable more often than the sex itself - if that was the problem, they'd all just masturbate. Personally, I think it means more if one woman is actually IN LOVE with you... Don't disregard the fact that just as many women as men are unfaithful. One recent study conducted by a German research group showed that 53% of all the married women they interviewed had slept with another man at least once in their marriage, and MORE WOMEN THAN MEN reported feeling GUILTLESS about their infidelity. I think women do it for the same reasons as men do - to find a sense of self-worth and security.

Yes, this is a repost, but the answers to my last query were not very helpful and I'm looking for more input. At the beginning of the summer, I was quite into a certain girl, but then found out that she was already involved with another guy after I asked her out. She profusely apologized, saying that she really liked me and didn't want to hurt my feelings, but that we could only be friends. I was disappointed (not crushed or anything), and decided to just let her be without pursuing the friendship angle. Now, however, with our senior year in high school just days ahead, and after having not thought about this girl all summer, I'm starting to wonder if it wouldn't be a bad idea to call her up and talk to her as a friend. I do really think we got along well (at least before I broached the topic of dating and things stopped), and I'd like to have her as a friend. However, I still must acknowledge that I'm attracted to her, and would always have the ulterior motive of wanting to get involved in a more personal relationship with her. Do you think this plan has a likely chance of succeeding? I'm sure she liked me quite a bit, but was just already involved with someone else. There's a chance that he has graduated now and moved out (he went to a different school and I never learned what grade he was in), and there's also a chance that there's been a breakup over other issues as well. Should I try to become this girl's friend in order to secure a possible relationship in the future? Thanks for reading! 8)

It's possible to ejaculate without having an orgasm, especially after deliberately delaying your orgasm by cutting stimulation - your body reaches a threshold at which it becomes impossible not to ejaculate, but possible not to have an orgasm. It probably is sperm, so watch out.[/i]

I reeeeeally doubt that anything happened. Sperm is not capable of taking too much in terms of environmental deviation. The reason your nuts hang on the outside is so you don't bake your baby batter with your own body heat! If the fluids were all dried up by the time she came over, the sperm were long dead. No problem.

Jewelry! Also, a surprise date would be pretty nice, I think, as per the above post.

Stripping =/= immoral. Dating a stripper =/= immoral. Go for it! It's not like your parents have to know she was a stripper, anyway.