dlplight99999

I'm in the same pitiful situation as most of the guys here but it's important to realize the state of matter at hand. I don't want to lecture anyone; I'm just trying to bring some facts to light. Male to female ratio is around 105:100. Also, a woman of a particular age would be sought by men within the similar and older range groups. To that, add in geographic and time/place constraints. And then apply the probability meeting a single woman and the likelihood of her being attracted to you. I'm not saying it's impossible; it can surely happen but the frank statistics of this is not for the faint of heart and you have to embrace for the likelihood of never finding love. In my daily experience at one of the country's largest munipical medical centers, I'm noticing that around 35-40% of the male patients and 7 % of the female patients here are single. ( not that I care personally but we are required to have these info for completing the social history portions of their medical charts ) Slightly less than half of my male colleagues are single too. Personally, I'm realizing that our problems are nowhere near unique.

Money and job status no longer strongly help in getting a woman. Women today are fully capable and have the opportunity to enter the profession of their choice and become independent themselves. They don't necessarily need a man for security. I lived in NYC all my life and I'm attending med school here. People generally associate medical professions with the highest caliber in ethics. But I've been seeing it the other way around and it is sickening. I've been seeing male medical students and single doctors in their 40's flirt with female patients. Sometimes, they mutter about how hot they are in the hallways. There are a lot of single 30-45 yr old male doctors ( including specialists that make over 250k/yr ) that would go for nearly any single female. But it never works the other way around, as I had never seen a single female doctor here. Believe me; in all walks of profession or wealth, single men of all ages are commonplace than ever before.

I've been a quiet nerd all throughout life. Regrettably, I have poor self-esteem and I have little or no popularity/friends. I get taken advantage of a lot and my way below-average appearance just adds to it. I am now 24 yrs old and want to be different. I currently am determined to make a drastic change in my life. I want to look better and feel more confident than ever before. I want to look like a bodybuilder; I want more muscle mass. I have a lot of questions if you don't mind me asking. ( by the way, I am 5'7 and weigh 150. I have flabby arms and legs ) I want to get started right away but are my goals realistic? What type of workouts should I be doing? Could this be accomplished only by using fitness machines? ( or do I absolutely also have to lift bar bells? ) I live in New York City - are there any particular fitness centers that are suitable for me? Would a place like YMCA be enough for me? Can I do all this without getting a personal trainer? Also, I am currently in the notorious 3rd yr curriculum of medical school but I think I can still dedicate up to 1 hr/day of working out if I desire so much to do so. Is this amount of time enough or do I need more? And lastly, how long would it take for me or anyone to see a noticeable difference in my body physique? ( I'm hoping ~2 yrs. ) I know these are a lot of questions but I would very much appreciate it if people can provide me with honest feedback. Some of my questions are subjective and, thus, I am willing to accept various solutions to my problems.

A lot of people here have been implying that confidence is key to having someone. I don't know by how much that'll drastically improve my situation. For instance, suppose that you're attracted to someone and approach her with conversations and confidence on a day-to-day basis. I agree that she'll have more likeability and trust within you as time goes on, but I doubt this will make her "attracted" to you reciprocally. There would be many other people that she'll like and trust but extremely few that she'll feel genuinely "attracted" to. If the other person never even had a glimpse of interest ( this is a bit vague but I do not mean a full blown crush ) in you in the first place, it is difficult to advance a relationship beyond a mere friendship. And yes, I feel that appearance for men is critical. Blame it on pop culture and blame it on the fact that the average man today relatively looks better than the average male of the past. There are many guys who get women to turn their heads and make eye contact. Although attraction chemistry is never well quantified, there is rarely a guy with either a lack of decent appearance or "personality" that has a girlfriend. By decent "personality", I don't necessarily mean being someone that is 'nice', pays bills on time, and is honest. Frankly, I don't know what this "personality" is either but it's something that makes guys appear hot. And intelligence doesn't count for the most part. On top of that, almost every women I meet are already seeing someone or are in a long-term relationship. Your chances are negatively correlated with increasing age. I don't have to exaggerate this with more numbers and I really don't want to because it makes me want to vomit. Many of you are tired of hearing this but I just want to make a point for those that keep saying otherwise. The implications that meeting a woman isn't that difficult are represented only in this forum, a subset of less than a minuscule portion of the population. This forum's views do not represent the majority of people and don't seem to have any common sense and realistic perspectives. Again, I'm not saying that some things are never possible. I regret to say this but most of what are suggested here are impractical and don't make a lot of sense.

I don't understand how such an advice is relevant. Most of us are not shy to the extent where we can't talk to women. In fact, from my experience, I found myself in situations where I had no one but women to ask questions to. And how did these turn out? They were more like question and answer sessions with no emotional substance whatsoever. You wouldn't look like a fool when hanging out in the mall to ask 'questions' to women but it surely is a waste of time because you never really had a real question to being with and you'll probably never see them again. Hence, we're back at the drawing board we started with. And that is -- is there something you can really do if you are unattractive? Again, I can't speak for everyone. But there are people like me who look somewhat ugly, has no charm/talents, and doesn't have a great personality. Like I said earlier, I am honest and hard-working. I know I am reliable when it comes to responsibility and I never pay bills past due dates. Unless if you are living in the 19th century, women will certainly find such traits 'desirable' but they will never compensate for shortcomings in attractiveness. With traits like mine, you aren't worth anymore than an attractive jerk. I admit that I really am not good enough for anyone ( there must be a reason to why things occur, right? ) and I'd be more than happy to get nearly anyone. I don't care how much of good liar she is and I wouldn't care if she had like a thousand boyfriends before. I feel it'll be extremely beneficial if people can post advices on how to get *any* person. The reality is that losers can't be choosers. We would be really selfish if we're to end up not being happy with whomever we meet because some us like me have never had anyone throughout life and aren't close to being good enough.

I don't know about you guys but nearly anyone is good enough for me. I don't care what ethnicity or what kind of a disease the person has. I wouldn't mind even if the person is a ditchdigger. I have lower standards than probably all the posters in this forum and yet I'm encountering the same difficulties. I'm not afraid to share with you my personal problems. I admit that I don't have self-esteem and I have a below-average appearance. I'm not bright or talented in any way ( except maybe in microbiology and pathology but there are many others better than me in that too), but I am a hard-worker and I devote loyalty to all of my friends. I do not lie or cheat. Although I did mention some good individual qualities, I am adamant that they do not compensate for the lack of my attractiveness. My weaknesses are nearly inborn; I cannot help the way they are. Is there anything I can do? Or is this post a waste of time because, although no one knows what will ever happen, I am on my way to becoming doomed?

Yes, it is important to find happiness with what you have. No need to feel depressed or angry. As far as it seems natural for a person to meet someone, the world is never 100% in anything and our situations are not any different. A typical woman is bound to encounter countless suitors. She has beauty, power, and, especially today, financial independence. Why must she cower down and satisfy an inferior guy when she has more eligible options to choose from? I don't know what really defines 'attractiveness' but certainly intelligence and money don't count in this day and age. The modern women has more career options,financial independence, and ego than ever before. Ironically, kindness and a good heart aren't enough either. Live your life's journey and be proud of it, as it has been a difficult one. Some of you might feel you haven't succeed enough but you've come far nonetheless. Hope may not be guaranteed in this lifetime but many feel that the human 'consciousness' is forever living ( can you just imagine yourself otherwise? ), and thus your next 'life' will offer you a second chance to make up for your longings. But until then, live your life to the fullest, as it will be quick and it'll be pity to live thru this difficult journey with so little dignity.

Based on what jordan2 and shysoul have said, I know the importance of keeping a positive outlook everyday. Life is a journey and, as with all trips, people should get thru it with what they have and stop looking back. I also agree that many guys do land dates and find people. However, given the entire population pool, it is relatively rare ( no doubt, we do have problems ) to find a guy who never has been a single date or had someone attracted to him before the age of 20. Past history often repeats itself. Then try factoring in the guy's inadequacies such as shyness, anxiety, or ugly physique. Now throw in the number of people taken/available and in competition for dates. I know that some guys here are saying that emotions and spontaneity cannot be portrayed with formulas but emotions=spontaneity and spontaneity=probability. Banking on probabilities really suck because they're low to being in with. Then again, I actually did ( about 5 times ! ) have people attracted to me and looking at me but I realized that they were already seeing someone. ( this goes to prove that with increasing age, you may not find anyone even if they like you. ) Like many have said, while it's true that you'll never know what's to come, I'm sorry to say that this forum shouldn't encourage all this BS full of hope. I'm not saying that it can never happen but there are very few that go out of our ways to even post all this on an Internet forum and that goes to show that we have personal problems that the typical guy doesn't. This reminds of the BS called the 'rainbow bridge' ,where it has been said that dead pets walk accross the bridge and wait for you there after your death. Yeah, I'm sure it can't be fully discounted but, come on, isn't this like a crappy story for dealing with the grief associated with pet loss? I don't know about some of you but I think it sucks to be a guy

I also feel that Lisica is missing the point here. The problem here doesn't exist in my immediate surroundings only; it's evident in all walks of life. I only used medical school as my personal example. ( and, yes, there are full seasoned male doctors out there in their 40's who don't get dates often ) I used to do a brief stint at a physics lab before med school and, even there, all the female staff/scientists were taken. About 3/4 of the male researchers were single and two of them were in their 50's. Whether it's the gym, malls, or bars, nearly all of the girls are already seeing someone. Also, go to a personals website like link removed or yahoo and you'll notice that there are overwhelmingly more male ads. On top of those dreadful numbers, imagine how much worse it'll get as you become older and from the lack of experience in meeting women. And if you just don't attract people for whatever reason, you're pretty much done.

I'm not here to discourage or chide anyone here, as I'm not qualified to do so since I have the same problems myself. I'm 24 and never had a girlfriend either. There are many male posters here that I can relate with and they often get replies like 'many nice guys do finish first' or 'you'll find someone as time goes on.' These replies feel like stale sympathy hiding the stark reality. I'm just writing to point out that if you have a history of not being able to get along with others ( whether you're shy, antisocial, etc. ) and never easily had dates when you were younger, it's likely that you'll end up from being bad to worse in finding anyone as you get older. As you age, people around you start getting engaged and married and you'll have difficulty finding single friends. Current statistics aren't favoring single men. A woman of a particular age is likely to be vied for by men of equal and older ages. I don't know what chemistry it is that draws one to others but if you never experienced people being attracted to you, there really is no reason why it would be any different as you get older. Plus, I'll tell you some of my current personal experiences. I'm in my third year of medical school in nyc as we speak. Nearly 90% of the females in the medical/dental classes here are already commited whereas around only 35% of the males are. Something even more shocking are some of the male faculty and staff doctors here. Some are in their 40's and are well-established in their careers and income and yet I hear them talk of how they'd like to meet that special someone. Heck, I've even seen some male faculty ( and patients ) hit on female students. The ability to attract someone of the opposite gender is more of a fixed asset and cannot be compensated by any personal factor. I hope people here are very objective and aren't realizing this for the very first time. My upshot to this is that I wish people here would stop replying with remarks like 'you'll find that perfect someone in time.' Some guys are looking for sympathy but not something in such a ridiculous context.