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thatdevilsblue

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  1. you know, a few weeks ago when we last talked you told that you haven't deleted my phone number yet because it would "suck to lose me completely", despite you not initiating contact yourself whenever we talk, and i got around to thinking about what you meant by it...and i think you just have my phone number still (unless you've deleted it since we last talked 3 weeks ago) so you can still have a piece of contact info for me until you find the next guy...as if you're using me as a safety until when and if the next guy comes into your life, whether you contact me or not...i could be wrong, but thats what i'm starting to believe...i gave it my all with you and love and cared for you with all my heart, and it hurts me so much that you're not willing to give it one more try with me even though it would be our 4th time...you tell me you miss me and still care for me and tell me i'm awesome still, yet you don't want me anymore...if thats not sending mixed signals, i don't know what is...for being your first love, boyfriend, serious relationship and person you lost your virginity to, i've set very high standards and even you admitted that...i just hope you realize what you're losing as more and more time goes on and you try comparing me to other guys like you have a few times already and they don't end up comparing to me at all...you let one negative outweigh the million positives you love about me and thats your loss...as badly as i want to talk to you still and kinda wish we could give it another go, i guess i give up...never thought say that, but i give up...i can't keep chasing after you anymore, giving you undeserved attention and the satisfaction of knowing that i'll always be there anymore, and i certainly can't sit around waiting and wondering anymore...i still care very much for and still have some love for you, whether you love me still or not, and if you do end up contacting me yourself in the near or distant future, don't expect me to be as enthusiastic as i usually am with you, that is, if i decide to respond at all!
  2. You're so hell bent on us moving on already, and everytime i do end up contacting/texting you, you respond! You say that you do miss me, miss talking to me, ect yet still hell bent on moving on! So why do you respond to me still when i do contact you? why do you still have my phone number? You admitted to me last week that you should've deleted my number a few months ago when you deleted me from your facebook too to try and make moving on easier, but it would suck too much to lose me completely! that doesn't even make sense, it's not like you talk to me on your own. I only hear from you if i either contact you myself or you accidentally text me...so basically, you're just holding onto my number just in case you change your mind again? because you know i'll be there like the 3 previous times we broke up? well i don't think i'm going to give you the satisfaction of being there anymore, and by that, i mean responding back if you initiate any contact, and i'm sure as hell not going to keep texting you myself anymore, because what the hell do i get out of it anymore? we chat for alittle bit, say you miss me too after i say i miss you, and get told we need to move on...i'm not giving you the power of knowing i'll still be there anymore...i think its a good thing i am your first love, first boyfriend, first serious relationship, person to lose your virginity to, ect, because it will make you realize that much more just what you're losing and giving up on, all because of one stupid, bull negative that causes you to walk away from this 4 times instead of sticking by me and actually trying...i was nothing but loving, caring, and supportive to you, and though i believe that you did love me, you obviously didn't love me as much as i loved you, and i dare you to find someone else who will as much as i did...you've already compared 2 guys of potential interest to me since we've been apart the past 7 months and you told me they didn't compare to me at all, GOOD! i'm done trying and trying to convince you to try again and everything...i put more effort and time into it than you deserved...don't fully expect me to be there when and if you decide you want to initiate contact, because you'll be dissappointed for a change, just like how you disappointed me!
  3. I know we've been on and off in the past year, but you can't deny that we've had more ups than downs...i don't even think even half of our break ups should've even happened...i was always the one who wanted to work on everything and talk about any problems, while you just decided to run away...whether you came back within 5 days regretting it or a month and a half before this last break up....I've given more than 100% with you and us and no matter how much you say you love me and how dear to you i am still, it seemed to be so easy for you to give up...Maybe it's a good thing that i'm your first love, boyfriend, guy you lost you virginity to, because i hope it will help you realize just what you are losing by giving up completely...you've compared 2 other potential guys of interest to me this past break up period so far already and you told me neither of them compare to me, yet i don't understand why you don't want me anymore...it is YOUR loss, not mine....i guess i just loved you/love you more unconditionally than you did/do me? I'll have no problem finding someone who fully appreciates me and wants to be with me because of all the millions of same things you love about me too, but i'm telling you right now, and this might sound a bit brash, but you aren't going to find another who loves, cares for, supports and understands you, gets your humor and has similar humor, and shares as many unique interests with you as i do!!! I just hope you finally realize that as you keep trying to compare more guys and they too don't compare to me!
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