TearsofaDragon20

Well enotalone, i havent been here since december not since i had my last post. but i have had recent changes to my life, that i decided it was worth doing. my ex and i split after 3 years and decided that i need to move on, i didnt see myself wanting to watch as my ex went and dated another person. so i found someone i was very interested in for about 2 years, problem was it was my friends ex girlfriend and we found that attraction to each other. so we have been dating for about almost 2 months and still going strong. but my ex decides she's not happy with that, and she's looking to destroy something in my life, and im sick of it. i dont talk to her unless i have to. she's been playing all these games, putting these kind of guilt trips that are just ridiculous. she tells everyone that she feels bad kicking me out of her house and that she wished things have been different blah blah blah blah, that's all i hear. im sick of it, it just seems no matter what i do to stay away from her, she seems to crawl into my life that i dont want her in anymore. the girlfriend i have now is wonderful. her and i are alot alike, in many ways. i love being with her, we laugh until it hurts and we still continue to laugh even after. im glad that her and i are together and we both wouldnt change it for the world. im just not in the mood to have some one of my past, coming to try and ruin what i have that is sacred to me. im not sure what to do, all ive done so far is told her not to email me or talk to me anymore. i just dont want any part of her in my life at all.

Well enotalone, It was two years ago i since been on the web site and shared my pain and me despearate time with all of you. I stopped coming on here after coming to find out that i need to think with myself and decided that i am the only one who can deal with the stress. It all began two years ago.............. I had just about gotten over my Ex-g\f and decided that i need to get out of town and to a new town where i needed to be out and about. I got a hold of my step brother and he came from another county to come and pick me up. It was around thanksgiving where i met this woman and i wasnt sure how to approch the situation at hand. So i decided what the the worst that could be done right? Well......i dont know. We decided that we should stay in contact (now mind you im 3 hours away from her) and we chatted all the time. Then it came to emails, more phone calls, and eventually her coming to see me at my house. We then decided that we should take this into a whole new level and become a couple. Now back then i was immauture, no job, bumming out around the house, and becoming nothing. Thats's when i was 21, Im now recently turned 24. This girl and i have been dating for 2 almost 3 years. We were happy for the longest time. But then tradgity hit my life real fast. It was July 31st, 2005 and had gotten myself ready for work and the usual routine. i havent heard from my mother in about 3 days and that was strange because she would call me every night or at lest by the beginning of the 2nd day to see how i was doing. So when you get no phone call you tend to feel strange about the situtaion. It was far worse than what i knew. I got a phone call from my brothers grandparents saying that i had to call my mothers ex-husband........REAL strange because my mother was the worst custody battle with him for the past 6 years and for him to be telling them that i needed to call it was "Important" kinda messed with me. So i called and received the most hard hitting news My mother was in a motorcycle accident, and was in ICU. wow. They didnt know what to tell me because the damage she took to her head was so extentsive she was brain dead when she was mercy flighted in. Quite the news you want to get concerning your mother on the back of her boyfriends chopper, and a 150 lbs. Deer comes out and just by then hit the motorcycle that my mother was on. Yeah just lovley news. i was so distrought and pacing like a crazied maniac i had to go and see my mother. And it was worse than i was told. She sat there in ICU for a month. then she was transfred to a nursing floor. Then she got approved for an acute care room. My mother is still there to this very day until she leaves for taiwan wednsday. Ever since this happened ive been the worse person time would of seen. And my g\f and i are now looking at splitting up because of most of what is going on and we would get into arguments that i would say "get out and go, and pack your stuff." and last night i had a bad feeling about everything that had been going on i was losing everything with my g\f. Feeling and love and i was seeing her as my best friend and that she was better with out me. So when we broke up last night i had the worse feeling about telling her to go. And im now stuck with a situation that i know what to do. And i feel that i may not improve to love her, do what needs to be done to take care of her. Well that's where it stops and where i sit now. She just left to go to her home town and let me figure out what i want to do and what my decison is. And i cant come up with what i want to do. im so confused in whether i want to be single or if i need to take all of what is going on right now and deal with it by myself. it killed me to know that i might let someone go who i put through so much and i gave so little to, that i would send her home with me telling her to go and be with her family. im stranded right now because i dont know what to do. She's a special kind of person but i feel im destroying the relationship because of my own events that i have going on right now. i have until monday to decided what i am going to do. Im still unable to see what i can choose. Maybe im just someone who is just not able to make his own decisons and cant do the right thing. im stuck and if someone knows what to depict from this story, power to you. so that's what i face now in my life. And im damn sure that i dont know what to do. Carlos

Well i have to say that im happy i remembered this site off hand and never forgot it. I know that i havent been on here to let people know how i was doing as far as my personal life was. My gf and i have been together for almost 2 years now......it's great and im glad that i have her. but that's not my subject. my subject is my mother....and how she my not be able to live the same life that i thought she would be able to. my mother was involved in a motorcycle accident about 5 days ago. A deer came out in frount of her boyfriend's bike and threw them off to the side of the road and had them rolling. when she was rolling her helmet came off and she bounced off the ground and slammed her face on the ground causing her to pass out and have brain injury. i didnt get a notice of this until the day after it happened. Distressed and ready to do anything to get there in a heartbeat. so i had dropped everything to get to my mother as fast as possible and when i got there......my heart dropped and everything i ever feard of the intensive care unit was true.....my mother didnt look the same she had tubes running everywhere and she had looked like she never knew what happened. When i tell you of the picture i and my brother saw, i would never in my life have someone go through what i saw that night. I thoght to myself that "i cant lose her.....not now.......". My eye's never gave out so many tears the next two days. And the whole time ive been here i thought that i would do anything to trade places with her. anything and everything to take the pain away from her. my mother that i kept to my heart so dearly is laying in this bed and unable to hear or see me. I tell you now, that if i lost my mother i dont think that i would be the same nor really care for life in general. Waking up from day to day knowing she's gone or she cant speak, write, remember me or the rest of her children would kill me for the rest of my life. i would lose my mind. i cant stand the fact that she's gone through so much before with custody battles for my sisters, being poor and unable to feed everyone, being put into debt and trying to make ends meet. she now has to battle for her sanity and her life possibly? what did she do to deserve this trial of survival? why cant i help her for anything? why didnt she call me that night when she was in town? what do i do? my mother had been the soul of my life. and she may have a chance of unable to care for herself.......how can i live with that? she's all that my brother and sisters have...........and i couldnt stand it if we lost her..........because if she leave's then you might as already seen my soul leave with her. This is the hardest event to go through in my life to stand there helpless and unable to do anything to help. i miss my mother very much and i want her to come back to me so i can be by her side when she needs me and when i need her. i cant stand but let myself cry because i dont know what else to do here and i cant stand not being able to talk to her. i would do anything to take her place right at this very moment. anything........ Carlos A.K.A TearsofaDragon

i was having sex and i started to ejaculate on myself, but then wiped it off, is my gf at risk of getting pregant after cleaning and wiping it off??? I never came in her or on her but would she still be at risk??????

Seems that you have some one who admires you alot. See where it could lead and maybe you may have a girl that might like you alot. But pursue it and see where it goes. it seems to me that she likes you and may not come out and say anything to you because she's shy. So talk to her and see how she feels. later, Tearsofadragon20

Everything you just described maybe the factors. But if she avoids the subject of talking about what happened, then maybe she has something to hide, and may want to "toy" with you a little bit. I had the same things happen to me in the past, but sometimes it's hard to decode what she might be doing. It's more on your part to see if you feel that your can give trust towards her to talk and pursue what she might be wanting to talk about, that she maybe having a hard time getting out. It seems to me that maybe the reason to what your seeing. It's a good thing to enforce the "no contact" rule, it keeps you from getting hurt and having to deal with stress you dont need. take care. late.

Well if anyone remembers when i posted a entery in about the long distance relationship, then im here to give you and update as to how it went and what you think is becoming of it. Well ill give you the short recap of it all: I met this Girl in a little town called hannibal. I used to live around all over that area, before i moved to buffalo ny. I ended up meeting her when i was visiting my step brother the one week. It was short and sweet as to when we met and how we talked. Well i came back down again for thankgiving and i ended up meeting her again. Now, being interested in this lovely young woman, i decided that i take a huge step....it was a big risk but now as i see it, it was worth it all the way. Before i left again to go back home, i had left her a little note with my address, numbers, screen names, and email adresses. I had some strange feeling that she wouldnt call me at all....but i was wrong. I got a phone call from her that sunday when i got home and she wanted to talk to me really bad, so happy with the enjoyful feeling that some cared about me, i was starting to like this girl more. We ended up talking once a day, mainly during the night and talked for hours. One thing was hard for the both of us, was the fact that we had so much to say more along the lover type feeling. And the one thing was that we both knew that we wanted to say those words to each other. So one night while we were talking, i was going out of state to see a friend graduate from the Army and i had let her know that i was leaving. And she had gone about and got mad at me and started to argue....it wasnt a pretty site at all. We went at it back and forth where you would of thought that war was on it's way......but all of that heated arguing took a strange turn..........she ended up saying "i love you" while yelling at me (isnt that the weird thing about love?) and i yelled it back to her. After that it was silent for about 10 minutes. Not one word was said, because the both of us were shocked that we said that with all feeling. From there on we ended up seeing wach other. She came down and i would go up there to see her when i had the chance. sometimes she came to get me and we spent all of our time together. We are happy the whole time. It was the greatest thing i lived for in life. Now we are the closest we ever been with each other. In the end the chance and risk i took for being with a woman who lives 3 hours away, was worth it. I mean i know that the 3 hour gap between us is there but it doesnt stop either one of us from seeing each other. She's coming down to see me on my birthday and staying until sunday. We value each other's hearts for the sake that we have had it broken so many times before, that we found each other and we plan to keep each other no matter what we have to do. Well that's the jist of it basically. I thought i share this with everyone because i found what i was looking for and im happier than ever. This year i will have some one to be with on my birthday and not be sad when im alone. Thanks for taking the time to hear my story and i appreciate the thought of reading this. Take care. Late.

Well i havent been on here for the longest time and i kinda feel bad, but it's good to know that you can still come here and state your problem or advice on here. Well i met this girl when i went out of town, and she lives about 3 hours away and we talk every night. i grow closer and closer to her and she's getting closer and closer to me. but i mean she wants to be together with me and i would like to be with her. but theres something that im leaving out....one she lives 3 hours away. and yes i know that could put a kink on things but also the fact that she will be coming to see me sometime soon within the next month or so. but she thinks that ill go about and see her too. i wouldnt mind. but it would be frustrating to go back and forth 3 hours at a time just to see her. i asked her if she would go to college up here ( i live in buffalo and she lives in oswego) andshe said that she has too much where's shes at and she asked me to move to where she is, but i have too much here in buffalo. so we are counteracting everything we want. so i dont know how this is going to fly off. itwould be great to see her but i dont think i can commit to a long distance relationship when it just get hard on the both of us. But with all that said and done. I have my friends going about taking me to clubs and i see a lot of women that i like but i dont go about and make the first move. I dont know why but i dont do well in that department at all. I dont know if it's a rejection type thing but im not getting closer to breaking that shell yet and i want to. but besides all of that, i just need to know what i can do about this whole situation before someone gets hurt feelings and i feel like a total moron. thanks. Carlos

As they say "Trust goes a long way." maybe it is true. but who to give it to is the question. giving trust to anyone is not a good thing because of being taken advantage of. Truth is always there and if there's not anyone to trust then the problems progress into worse ones im still not sure as to what to do from here but maybe venting into my book of thoughts i can let everything flow with words on paper rather than having hate for most things i love.

All this anger and depression and yet unable to let it vent to someone because i cant trust anyone anymore. It seems to be the issuse when im trying to deal with most of the problems that i have in my life currently. I only find myself able to talk is when i write my thoughts down or a poem explaining my feelings. But is that enough? Im not sure what it is that makes it difficult. The words are draining from the pen and i dont know what im to do about all of this. it seems im getting more anti-social and unable to talk to anyone. But this is what i have been dealing with for the past 7 months. All these questions that run though my mind and i dont find any anwsers to them. i dont know what to do from here, but ill continue to keep my mind in an active state to find those anwsers to those questions that i need to know.

well i dont know what it maybe but i see it as the ex girlfriends love to toy around with our heads alot. who knows what she really wants. there could be a number of different things that she may want from you, some of them maybe bad some may be good but if you see it as bad news step away from it all. you dont need added stress from her at all. that one thing ive learned and thats to leave it alone and go on by yourself. But dont get me wrong, hear what she has to say and see what it is that she may want. if you see it as alot of excuses then she might be wasting your time.

Well im sorry to hear that she did that to you. We sometimes feel that way when we face rejection, that you confidence is shot and your hurt everyone is in that at some point or another. I sometimes just let it go, thats all you can do. Theres other women out there, go and find someone who you like. But dont rush it with them. get to know them first. Rejection is just a obsticle that you can overcome. you just have to let go and move on. Dwelling upon it only makes it worse and then you may never move on. Just keep in mind that it's not the end of it all, you just hit a bump in the road thats all. take care.

I gave up on my ex for the last time after she went and started seeing someone after she wanted to get back together. i just left her alone and she caused more insult to injury than she did before. i went and lived my life the way i was supposed to and dealt with the fact that she did that and that ill never talk to her again. just a week ago she IM'ed me on AIM asking why i didnt talk to her, and why i hated her so much. well i let it out to her straight out that i never will forgive what she did to me. and she didnt agree with the fact that i said that. i figure that she's toying with me just to see how far i would go to be with her again, thing is that i wont give her the time or day or my life again. my question to all this is, why is it that you get rid of the ex's in your life and you turn a new page in a book to start a new chapter only for the same person to be there again. is it that ex's haunt you for the rest of your life and only to tourment you with their memories or is it their way of playing a mindless game? it never makes any sense to me and i dont know if there will be a true anwser out there. but i know this much ill make sure that she doesnt come back into my life to only destroy it again. her days of that are over. this chapter will not have her in it ever again.

Well it's been awhile since i posted a message on the board, since i just stop in and see whats new here. Things have been changing since i last talked about my life. Well the ex-gf and i have completely stopped talking to each other. i felt after she went and left me out in the cold again, i felt that i no longer need to even know her. she toyed with the fact that she could use me as much as she could. but i saw that she wasnt going to let us get back together and i decided to leave her out of my life forever. But a few days ago, her and i talked again, as she was asking "why do you hate me so much?" and "why wont you talk to me anymore?". Now come on is it that over her head that i dont like her at all. i have a shread of respect for her in my heart, but doesnt mean ill let it flurish to something where ill be running bakc to her. And i told her that. she wasnt worth even wasting breath to anymore. She no longer has me to waste time with anymore. im doin what i should of done when we broke up and that was to leave her out of my life. i thought that since we had such a history together i would let her back, but that was the worst mistake i ever did. So she then blew me off giving me an attitude because i wouldnt be a friend to her anymore. What am i to do anyways, let her destroy my life? i think not. I am now hanging out with new people that have better attitudes and better outlooks in life than going out drinking getting whacked out of their mind with drugs. I am attracted to a girl who is really cute. Of course she's 6 inches shorter than me but i still like her for who she is. I dont know if she knows if i like her but im going to pursue this and see if it will go to the next step. So it was true what people told me.....there is life after the ex-girlfriend. Im glad i never jumped to conclusions and done something tragic whre i wouldnt be here talking to all of you (i thank my grandmother for that). Well im glad that i got to talk to all of you. Life is good as long as you get through the hardships, life is a good thing. take care all of you. later.

well thats quite a spot to be in. well it's going to be hard to deal with considering that she's in the same apt. as you are. if she's telling you that she's feeling regret in what she did and then not say anything else after, that right there is a sign of a head game coming up. those are nothing you need to deal with. if she truly feels that she did something bad then she would talk to you about it and make some sort of agreement that you both can come down to. if she's not caring and blowing you off then just keep doing what your doing. because then she will try to see if she can control you. which will lead to as if something doesnt work out with the guy she may like, she may feel that since she was toying around with you she can come back to you for support and comfort. so talk to her if she doesnt want to talk then right there is where you should let if go and be on your different ways from each other. i hope i was some help and let us know how things went with this.