I need some help. My wife and I have been together for 5 yrs, and married for 2. We have three girls, ages 6, 4, and 1. The oldest is not mine but I love her just like she is. About 3 and a half weeks ago my wife left with our kids. Now she says that it isn't over, and she still loves me, but we need to work some things out. We have been having problems for about six to seven months prior to her leaving. When I would ask her if there was anything wrong she said no, she was happy and where she wanted to be. We have been very happy for most of our relationship. We were best friends before we got together, so we could tell each other anything. But there have been times we have stopped talking and our relationship suffered because of it. About three years or so ago we split up. She had an affair. This went on for a couple of months. We worked things out concerning the affair, but never really dealt with the reasons for her straying. Now three years or so later these same problems have arised. Now I'm very confident that she isn't cheating but nonetheless she still moved out. As it turns out she has felt very controlled by me. She feels as if I want her to fit some mold I have in my mind. She is right, I have controlled her. I think out of my insecurities about the affair, I have become very unfair with her. Every time she wanted to go out with her friends I would criticize them or find a reason that she shouldn't go. Every thing she did was wrong. I did all of this without even seeing what I was doing. I was so arrogant. I knew everything and she should listen to me. I was an idiot. I now see the things that I've done wrong, both recently and before. I know that I have to change not only to save my marriage, but to be happy with myself. She is so afraid that I am just going to end up in the same place, doing the same things, and treating her the same way. Before I was so ignorant that I couldn't see my problems. Now I can. We have started to see a marriage counseler, and we have our second appointment in a few days. But what can I do to show her that I can and will change. Some days are good and others are bad. We hardly fight now ( maybe once or twice) , but we don't see each other but for maybe an hour a day. We've had sex four times since she's been gone, so I know that the attraction is still there. But she is so afraid of opening up emotionally right now. I'm so afraid that every day she is gone, the less chance we have of working things out. She says that she is not ready to come home and doesn't know when she will be. How can I convince her that I have and will keep changing. Every time I want to talk about what is going on, it seems to push her away.
