Joanie

Ruby, this BronBron dude/chick is a little dense, or perhaps has not experienced a love intense enough to know that this b.s. is unacceptable. There's a big difference between the healthy attraction we feel toward the opposite sex (or same sex, whichever the case) even when in a relationship, and the Asian-obsession of your boyfriend. Again, what he's doing to you is not healthy for YOUR self-esteem, and moreover his CONSISTENT mention of his predilection is very telling. It's all about clues, girlfriend. When we are in love, we often ignore or overlook key clues that predict a relationship's outlook. Boy do I see all the clues of my past shenanigan, in hindsight that is, and I really regret not tuning into those clues when they were dropped. Your situation really pisses me off, so I stand firm on you not tolerating this disgusting crap. Joanie

The worst thing you can do is hang on for life when things are shaky and you've been dumped already. I have gone through this myself from both sides, I got dumped again and in the other case I did the final dumping. You will only push him further away with the obvious paranoia and calls with timetables. Men want challenge, so throw a little in there. Yes, he should reassure you a little more now that you're back together after recent events, but let him do it on his own. It's easier said than done, but hold back the clinging, stand back, act as though you have your own exciting life going on, by taking hobby classes, skating, dance, hanging with friends, taking little trips, whatever it is you like to do. If he truly loves you there's NOTHING that will stand in his way of showing interest and making efforts to be with you. If he trails off, well then you will have "a rewarding life" in place as opposed to having nothing and wallowing if it falls apart.

I know a guy's game now after my own experiences, they LOVE a challenge. But women are much the same, they tend to fall for guys who are NOT interested in them. YOU play hard to get, show indifference. You've called her way more times than you should have. It seems she's not really interested despite what you've described, but perhaps you're good "back-up" material--NOT a good place to be, I've been there. DON'T call her again and see what happens. If she calls and shows CONSISTENT interest great, you've gotten what you want, if not, let it be, you WILL come accross another you're attracted to sooner or later who will respond just right. I've also learned the hard way, don't fall for with someone who's not genuinely into you, you will set yourself up for pain and rejection down the line.

DROP HIM LIKE A BAD HABIT. First, that's extremely callous of him to display that fetish of his to you. Second, I'm a California girl who's witnessed plenty of guys with Asian fixations--bottom line is they objectify women, being overly drawn to physical appearances--very shallow. I personally know a few of these and I can't tell you how many times they confess to not seeing themselves forever with the one they're with, but rather fantasize of "the one" being Asian, and how crazed they get over getting intimate with one. I'm not being insensitive to you, I'm just telling it like it is as a warning. He will leave you for one if the opportunity presents itself. When you get over him, you'll be glad you moved on. Believe me, you would rather have a man that's TOTALLY into you, you're HIS type, he's crazed by YOUR skin, smell, look, hair. Right? Isn't that something you crave in the package of a love relationship? Damn right! Free yourself and your real soulmate will come along.

It's a matter of personal taste, but I strongly believe the attraction lies in a man's self-confidence, sense of humor and intelligence. My brother is 5'2", yet has managed to be a chick magnet all his life. He's good-looking and genuine in his manner, no b.s. kind of guy, has a tough, stocky, streetwise look. Perhaps those qualities overshadow the issue of his height. I really don't think 5'8" is THAT short anyway.

I was recently dumped by what I've discovered to be a classic commitment-phobe. Mind you, I was never looking for or asking for commitment in the first place, never even discussed the future--just took things day-by-day, enjoying the moment. He came on very strong at the beginning, making me believe as though he was head over heels, talking about future and sucking me into a zone where I felt completely comfortable opening up, trusted him. We became very close and inseperable. Several months in he began treating me with disdain, blaming me for everything, accusing me of things I wasn't doing, and making me feel worthless and not good enough for him. He finally broke up, but kept me on a string for 3 months, dropping crumbs but sending mixed signals along the way. I was in the midst of a separation and he was urging me to finalize my divorce so that we could get back together. When a final date for my divorce came to be, he suggested we start spending time together again and started coming on strong again with serious statements, like wanting to have kids, getting married, etc. I did not echo these things because I did not want to unnecessarily ruin things with promises and such, figuring that would be a more comforting stance with a man. Upon "reuniting," we spent 2 dates together, in which he was cold and seemingly almost repulsed by my presense. He is 35 and intelligent, yet the coward dumped me via an email the day prior to my divorce and insulted my intelligence numerous times with lies, excuses and irrational justifications. My self-esteem has never been lower due to his callous indifference to my dignity. I was good to him and deserved more compassion and respect in the end. It's been almost 6 weeks; I never said my peace, should I write him a letter expressing my pain and humiliation over his mistreatment? I can accept a truthful admittance of falling out of love, but don't understand the unnecessary mistreament and what I perceive as his assessment of me as worthless and undeserving of a dignified end. ALSO, I did run into him 2 days ago at the gym--he looked over at me I suspect to get a hello or see me break down. I ignored him and kept exercising; I broke down in my car on the way home. I'm not sure what to do if I run into him again--say hello as if I'm peachy keen, or ignore him and stay cool as cuke? I HATE him, so I don't genuinely want to say hello. What's the BEST reaction for me, worst for him? PLEASE HELP???[/i]