cd1011607306450

Well I don't think I have to worry too much about holding hands or trying to kiss her. We had arranged to go out for a drink either last night or tonight. She text me last night at 9:30 basically saying sorry for not getting back to me, very busy finishing off school work can't make it tomorrow and Friday she is away on a hen weekend and will have to be when she gets back, followed by Sorry. Did not even bother to phone me to say that. I was annoyed as we had a great time the last time went out and this went against all that when I get this rude text message. No mention of calling me, have a nice summer or anything. Before, I told her we would have a drink and I would give her some books that I had read, even went and bought a new copy of one. One step forward and two steps back. Before this I thought we were nearly there and then she sends something that shows she is not too bothered. It was very cold. She would not have sent that to one of her friends. She never seemed too bothered about meeting me. Perhaps she sees it as too soon after seeing her at the weekend. She will be gone for 5 weeks now and well it could be another 5 weeks before she bothers to call me. CD101.

I have been thinking about my situation and I have been very confused as to the likely feelings of my ex Gf and I am totally confused about how she may feel about me. When we first split up she did not want anything to do with me and was moving ahead with her new man, she gave reasons that did and did not make sense as to why we broke up and she told me that she did not love me anymore and had met someone else few months after we split. She never called me or e-mailed me unless she had to or in response to a call or letter from me. When I came back from travelling and found out from her that her rebound relationship was a disaster and she said she was stupid and in a daze after we broke up her attitude is very different, she initiated contact with me when i got back and we have been out for dinner drinks etc a few times in the last couple of months. She brings up things about our relationship such as funny happy times etc. Her body language is encouraging but i am scared to take her hand or kiss her. When we go out we have a great time and I never bring up our relationship but the next day she never calls or texts to say she had a good time or to thank me. She will do that only after I text her saying I had a good time etc. After we go out I am usually the one who will call in a couple of weeks and invite her out. When she went out with me and my friends this weekend we agreed that we would see each other before she heads off to Spain for the summer, I text her the next day saying Wed or Thursday this week would be a good day. She said she would let me know which day was best as is has a very busy week. It is now Wed Afternoon and I have heard nothing from her. She always had a shy and quiet personality and I can tell form spending 7 years with her that she is very guarded and not forward since I have been going out with her over the last 2 months. I suppose the real question is does she just want to be my friend or is she interested in getting back with me and just confused and scared. CD101.

Thanks again for the great advice. Well to update you, I phoned my ex on Friday and asked her when she wanted to meet me before she went to Spain and I asked her if she wanted to come along for one of my friend's birthdays in a great club in London on Saturday. She said she had to go to a friends leaving drink but she said she would let me know. Well she came along with me and we met my friends in there. They were all very surprised to see her along with me but were very welcoming to her and we all had a great night. It was like we were there as a couple, in many ways we were and in others we were not. She invited me in to her flat for a coffee and she made me some food, and we sat and had a chat until 5:30am. We never mentioned our relationship and just had fun. She really enjoyed it and thanked me for inviting her. I was dead set on telling her how I felt before she left for Spain but with some time to think I can see the value in not telling her. I told her previously that I will give her a book to read that I enjoyed and perhaps I could mention that all my friends commented on how good she looked and then say something like "well you did look beautiful/lovely" just to show I care and still fancy her without having to go through the whole "getting back together" conversation. Could anybody suggest something light-hearted to say that is more flirtatious that would be good to say to her. She may well get thinking while she is away, especially with her family who all adored me, were also my friends and who could not stand my replacement. CD101. Shocked & Dismayed - I just seen your message a short while ago and i am slowly working my way through your post.

Thank you for you great advice as always. I am still uncertain what to do as i have been out with her a few times now and just had a good time. She is very guarded and i think if i dont say something then she will certainly not. I don't know what to do. I think i will show some desire and interest in her and getting back togther, perhaps in reminissing over happy times. But not in a pressurised way or giving her an ultimatum. I need to know as i am sick of torturing myself over her and what she is thinking. i think i need to know where i stand. just not sure how to go about it. Things can be very confusing. CD101 For all those who read this and have just split up with someone. I can genuinly recommend the round the world tour as something great to do. Gets you away from the routine and perhaps bumping into an ex, you meet loads of new people and see some amazing things and havd amazing adventures.

Hello. I could really do with some advice. Well to cut a long story short i split up with my ex gf of 7 years a year and a half ago. Basically she left me out of the blue, and although we had a few arguments and things were not the best, it came as a total shock. Very soon after this she met someone else and despite my actions to win her back she never gave me the chance and progressed on with this new man, not wanting to know about me. After a while, I gave up all contact with her and although i was totally devastated i tried to move on with my life. I dated other girls but none ever came close to the love that I shared and still had for my ex. So to avoid hurting them I let them go as it was not fair. A year after we split I started a lifelong dream of mine and went travelling around the world with a friend of mine. It really does help. Before I went I met with my ex and she bought me some little travel presents that might come in handy. I told her that I missed her and wanted her back but she was still going out with the other man. I could tell that she was not totally happy. The day I left I e-mailed her a beautiful good bye e-mail. While I was away she e-mailed me a few times and thanked me for the lovely e-mail. I got back 3 months ago and had a great time. When I got back she asked me to meet her for a drink and we went out for a meal. We had a great night and she invited me back to her place for coffee. I asked her if she was still going out with the other man and she said no and started to cry saying she had made a big mistake going out with him and was very stilly and that she had been in a daze when we split up. We talked about some of the mistakes we made and some of the good times. I told her that what happened in the last year or so does not really matter and I said I would take her out to dinner. She said yes but said she needed some time on her own. She then text me saying we should wait awhile for dinner. I met her a month later (1 week ago) and we went out to dinner and had a great time, going on to a late night bar afterwards and having lots to drink. I never mentioned anything about getting back together or that I missed her or still loved her. We got a taxi home and that was that. She is a teacher and has a very long summer holiday and she is going to spend it with her family who now live in Spain. I will meet her again before she goes but I really do not know what to say to her. I am thinking of telling her I that I want us to get back together and try again having learned from our mistakes. I still love her and miss her. Even after all that has happened she is still the one and the one I think of all the time. We have gone out and had fun together. Now I think it is time I lay my cards on the table and tell her how I feel. I really am not sure what to say. I will give her the summer if she needs time but I am not going to wait my whole life for her. I am so unsure how she feels about me, I think she would be scared to tell me that she wanted to get back together and if she still had feelings for me. She is that sort of person. I don't want to be her perpetual friend, I just want her to come back and give her all she ever wanted. I am so confused. Please could someone give me some advice? I have had some very good advice here in the past and could really use it now. CD101 – London, England.

Thanks for the advice. I think it is the correct thing to be open and up front. Honesty is always the best approach even if you do not like what the truth is. I will call my ex in a few days and arrange to meet her and i will take her out have fun and tell her that it would be good if we got back togther. The only problem is that she knows and has heard already most of what i will say.

Hello, I have trown my post in again as i am now about to meet up with my ex next week. I am not sure weather to tell her how i am feeling or to go out with her and have a good time leave it at that and then tell her the next time. If i tell her that i would like to try again the next time i meet her it might push her away. If i leave it for another time then i might not get another chance to meet her, she might meet someone else and it delays me moving on. If i tell her this time then we both know where we stand, she already knows that i would like to start seeing her, but again if i do this it is still me requesting getting back together. I decided if she wants to get back togther then so be it, if she needs some time then she can have a little but if she says no then there is no point us being friends. I am really not sure what to do and very confused. Any advice would be very welcome. CD101.

Thanks for the advice street. I suppose things can be starnge if you get back together with your ex. I suppose that is the test. We all remember the good times but often neglect to remember the bad times that perhaps led us to do stupid things and make stupid mistakes. I think you learn from it all. Nice quotes, both very good songs and from some of my favourite ablums Good luck, CD101

Has anyone been in this situation and got back with their ex? I would be interesting to hear what things you found hard to accept and deal with and if it was the same.

Thank you for your responses they are all appreciated. Amaranth & shocked & dismayed gave some very good advice. Xxatti too. I think I will play it cool and give her some space. It is difficult to do for everyone, as your reaction is to try and convince them it is the best thing for you to get back together. I went through the pain and heartache that perhaps some of you may be feeling. It hurt very much and was the hardest thing I have had to deal with but as they say time does heal things. I always considered myself to be a very strong, independent and confident person but this shook the hell out of that, but now that person has come back and I have enjoyed so many things since then and will do so now. You do meet other people and I enjoyed a great trip around the world, which I recommend to everyone out there. It gives you so many wonderful experiences and you meet lots of friends. Now when I see my ex, I am the happy funny man she feel in love with but with more to offer to either her or another girl and not the emotional person that found it hard to deal with what she did. As you say S&D, I will contact her every so often and go out for coffee drinks etc and have fun. This is truly the best way to do it. I will put it to her after a while with what Amaranth advised that I say along the lines of my post. As for what Xxatti said I do agree with that and have been through these things in my head a thousand times but I do feel that people can sometimes make mistakes and I know I did which perhaps drove my ex to break up. I have learned that lesson the hard way. Respect is an important thing and the minute I think someone is disrespecting me then I don't want anything to do with that. I fully understand the things my ex did. Perhaps I could well have done them myself and I understand and accept what she has done. I would be willing to try again, not out of desperation but for the fact that we were together for 7 very happy years and there was not much really wrong and we could be very happy. That is a realistic judgement after a long time apart considering all the options and having being with other girls and not clouded by the recently broken up emotions. When you get to your late 20's everyone has made mistakes & has a past. I just hope we can rescue what we had before either one of use move on too far. I would hate to loose her again when there is a chance I could find her again. If anyone could add any further advice or want to say something then please do so it is very nice to hear from you and a different person's perspective or their experiences of something similar is nice to know. CD101 – London UK.

Hello there. I really could do with some advice and really appreciate the advice given in the past so please have a read of this and if you can offer some advice please do so. Well, I broke up with my GF of 7 years a year and a half ago when she left me the morning we were due to go away for a romantic weekend. We were close up to the very end and it came as a surprise. I was 26 and she was 24. We had a very close and loving relationship, we were the best of friends and to me she was the ONE, but she felt that we were not close enough in the last year and both of us drifted and argued. I was under lots of pressure at work and could not give her all she wanted. She was the nicest girl and my family and friends all loved her. A short time after we broke up she started dating a work colleague (She's teacher) and told me it was serious. I was devastated and could not believe she was doing this. I tried wrote her letters and had minimal contact but it did nothing. She told me she had moved on and did not love me any more. I gave up all contact and tried to move on. I loved her so much and it hurt so much that I could not bear it. I was at the lowest point in my life and my health suffered. Then I met a lovely girl and started going out with her. She was great and I rebuilt my confidence, but I realised it was too soon for me and out of respect for her I finished it before it became too serious. I still loved my ex GF. Knowing that another lovely girl wanted me was a good feeling but it was not fair on her. I met my ex's brother whom I was good friends with and he told me that the family did not like this new man. I finally seen my ex and her new boyfirend together after a year with him driving her car on the way to work after staying at her place. It was a very hard thing to bear. During this year it was very hard but I did all the things to try and take my mind off her. In November last year I booked the ticket, told my work I needed 6 months off and started on a dream I had for many years. I went on a round the world trip with a friend of mine, Thailand, Vietnam, Australia, New Zealand, USA etc. A few days before I left I sent my ex girlfriend a letter saying I was going and she asked me to meet her for a drink. We had not been in contact before this. Went out had a great time, she bought me a present and then back at her place I asked her if she was happy. She said she was but I could see she was not. I left as her friend. So I went around the world. It was great, the best experience of my life. Seen lots, great experiences, sights, moments, nights out parties etc. Met lots of people and a few girls. But when the party was over or on that deserted beach I missed my ex GF, it was hard not to. We e-mailed a couple of times but I let her initiate the contact. When I got back I was very unsettled about being home. She text me when I got back saying hello. Then she called me and told me her brother was home for a few days from working abroad and to come around and see them all. I was on a sort of date with a girl at this time but it was no big deal so I agreed to call around late that night. We all had a great time and I filled them with stories of my travels. She dropped me home, I thanked her, said good night and never mentioned anything about us. A few weeks later she text me and asked me if I would like to meet her so a few days ago we meet up and went out to dinner. We had a great time and she looked great. We laughed and had so much fun. She invited me in for a coffee and we talked some more and after a while I asked her if she was still going out with him. She said no and that it had been a big mistake. She said she was so stupid and that she had been in a daze and very silly to have got involved with him so soon. She was very hurt and started crying. I cuddled her and comforted her. She said that she should have taken some time to herself. I said that I would take her out for dinner the following week and she said she would go and seemed excited about it. She did say she needed some time by herself. We talked about some of the mistakes we made when we were together and happy times we had. The whole thing was very friendly and nice. I left thinking we were nearly there. I text her the following day saying I would call her in a few days to arrange going out and she text back saying she had a really lovely time with me and but she did not think it was a good idea for us to go out at the moment. I think she wants time to herself, I think she still has strong feelings for me but I am not sure if she is scared to come back after hurting me or if she still has doubts about our long term compatibility and possible future together. I feel that I might be close to getting her back. I genuinely want to give us another chance and for us to be happy having learned from our mistakes. I don't know what to do to win her back. I don't want to pressurise her, I don't want us to be another rebound relationship where she has not had time on her own but I do not want to loose her yet again (if you know what I mean) to another man. I want to be there for her so and show her how good we are together and that I will not let her down so that when the time is right & she feels she wants me it can happen. At the same time I don't want to be waiting all my life for her. I have waited this long for her, she was genuine and sincere about her mistake and I am willing to wait another few months for her. I am so confused, meeting her and hearing what she has to say has brought back the feelings. I understand what she has done and accept it. I just want her back but I know if I don't get her back that life must go on and meet someone else. Please advise me of what to do to try & get her back.

Thanks for the advice. I did call her last thursday eveing and there was no response. I then sent her a text message saying i called to see how she was and hoped her and her family were well. Nothing again. I was gutted and thought she was ignoring me. Then four days later she calls me and we talk for 45 mins and have a chat about lots of things. I was not needy nor mentioned our relationship. I was very confident and told her about how well i was doing. She agreed to meet me for a drink but i am not reading anything into it. She has not called me for 4 months and she never showed any sign of regret or missing me when we talked. It looks like she has totaly moved on. I will meet her for a drink and be very friendly and perhaps ask her if she is truly happy the way we were. I will not be needy or beg her to come back. Instead i might tell her that if in the future we find each other or if she regrets her decision then we could start again, more committed to each other. It does not look good for me. Why did she not miss me after 7 years? Why does she not think of the good times? Why is 7 years so easy to cast aside? I doubt i will ever know the answers. Thank you for your advice. CD101.

Hello there. I have posted my story before and got some good advise but now I could do with some advise on contacting my ex-girlfriend. I split up with my ex-girlfriend of 7 years last October. I did not see it coming and we shared some very good times right up until we split up. She told me she loved me one week before we split and phoned me telling me it was over the morning we were to go away for a romantic weekend. Whatever I tried to bring us back together did not work and 1-2 months after we split up she was going out with a work college. Now they have been together for about 6 months. I seen her on Friday night when I was out with some girls that I have met. We did not speak to each other as the situation was awkward for both of us. My brother said that she would have defiantly seen us and she looked down about it. Whether she was down or not she seen me in a good light having fun with new people and not moping around being down about her. It has been 4 months since I last spoke or seen my ex. Apart from 2 SMS messages that is it. I met her brother whom I got on very well with and he said that the family did not like her new boyfriend. I also met her friend and she said that the new boyfriend had very little personality, was not particularly good-looking and very dry. Friends of mine have seen them out to together and there was no holding hands etc. I can’t help but wonder if she is realising that the grass is not as green on the other side and that she might be regretting her decision to leave me. I wonder if her seeing me having fun with other girls might jog something in her mind. But that is on the assumption that she still cares for me. I find it so hard that she could move on so quickly and forget me and what we had so quickly. I would like to call her and meet her for a drink and a chat. I want to ask her is she truly happy the way we were for so many years. I want to ask her to come back to me but I don’t know if this would work and if it would be a good idea. I have tried this a few months ago but it did not work. I wonder if the attraction of this new man might be wearing off as I find it hard to believe that she has met the one so soon after leaving me. It is a rebound relationship and these are known to usually fail. But in her case she has jumped head first in to it and given it her all. Does seeing the man you left with other women and hearing he has a new girlfriend effect women and does it jog things in their memory and perhaps develop a sense of longing? I will call her in a few days, I think she will meet me but I don’t know what to say or do and how she will react. Can she regret and come back? I wish she would i ove her and miss her so much. I was going to ask her to marry me on her birthday. 6 months after she left. Please give me some advice. CD101. London, Uk.

Thank you all for your kind advice, it is appreciated. It is always the case that there are lots of people out there with the same problems as you and sometimes worst. Mjones – it does indeed seem like we are in the same boat and I know only too well how you are feeling. A few days before Christmas is harsh. Perhaps she is just running and scared to contact you. It would be worth trying to contact her even if it is only to find out if she is OK. I kept in minimal contact with my ex and each time she said no to us getting back together. Perhaps things might be different for you if she seen you or heard your voice. I tried and offered her everything. I have no regrets, thinking I wish I had said this or told her that. Write her a letter or an e-mail. Work on it over a few days so you are not clouded by emotions. Tell her how you feel, it might work? Well you have nothing to loose. Wise Guy – you may be a kid as you say but you seem to have a wise head on young shoulders. Ever thought of going into business? Distributors and the rest of you thanks it was very good advice/consolation. I have not been in contact with my ex for 4 months apart from 2 or 3 SMS messages. I have not seen her with her new man but my brother and some of my friends have. Something I am not looking forward to. I will probably contact her in a few weeks/months if I don’t hear anything from her. I have accepted the fact that she is gone and it is doubtful she will come back but I suppose I always have that little bit of hope and belief in her and what we had. I am starting to live for myself and I am going to start doing things for me such as activities, exercise and I think I might go and work/travel abroad, which is something, I always wanted to do. I suppose I always did live for myself but I will do more. Life can be very hard and confusing, but is suppose that is exactly it, life. One thing I learned from all this is that I am still the man I she fell in love with and even better as I was only 19 when I met her and now I am 27, successful and have developed my own great personality that people like me for. My ex got sucked into her work colleagues. She is a teacher. But she is sometimes naïve and I hope she does not get burned. I think she will realise that there is more to life than them. She may even realise the man that I am and that the grass is not always greener and that there is not many nice men like me. I will enjoy my life though I do still miss her. I have a great group of friends and family. Another thing I realised is that the saying plenty more fish in the sea is true. There are lots of women dying to meet a nice man. I will not let her spoil me or my life. If she comes back then maybe we could work it out or I might turn around to her and say thank you, by leaving me you allowed me the opportunity to find the wonderful woman I am with. The girl that I am seeing now is lovely and I will be honest with her if I don’t want things to get really serious. It has been 1.5 months now so it is still very early days. I am just very confused about so many things. Time to look after myself and do the things I want to do and need to do, having fun along the way. Good luck and I hope things work out well for you all. Keep in touch and let me know how things pan out. CD101.

To all you that have those dreams, they do start to reduce with time. I had all those drams that you all describe. Espically the ones like that described by Stones. Often the rarer they are the harder they hit has they are unexpected. It hurts i know but as my mother does say "However bad you think your situation is, there is always someone worst off". It is very true. Good Luck