Red Tie

Day 12 This weekend brought a lot of good memories from our relationship. Its funny how my mind forgets the bad memories and only brings back the goods one. I feel like Im almost giving up on something good. Although, our relationship would never work after all that has happenned. Man, its been really though without your company H. I wonder how you are doing waaaayyyyyy too much. I just cant stop caring for you even after all those things you did to me. Doesnt matter! Gotta stay strong and be back tomorrow for day 13!!!

Day 8! Friday and a week without any form of contact. I feel good that I didnt sucumb to the urge of calling her. But I still feel the pain of not having her with me. Its a slow process.

Day 6! Yesterday I thought a lot about her. Tried to get my mind off her wasnt easy. I even avoided coming here with day 5 because I would instantly remind myself of her. But today I found a new strenght and decided to post day 6. Weekdays are the hardest for me to try to get her off my mind. I would usually text her day when I was at work and I miss that texting part. Still, its a healing process and it will take time. I already acknowledge that and I gotta give time to heal. I will get there! Be back tomorrow for Day 7.

Day 4! Feel great today! Had a great weekend working and it helped to keep my mind distracted of her. Today I woke up and my first thought wasnt about her but all the soreness of by body due to weekend work, lol. Lets see how this day goes and I´ll be back tomorrow with day 5!!

I like this idea and since I need to vent some frustration over this break up, lets do this!! Its been: -16 days since we broke up -12 days since she contacted me -08 days since I sent a birthday message to her son (broke NC rule and I feel so ashamed) -01 days since I checked her Facebook and I feel like **** because she is still single and I feel an urge to call her back and try to get things back to where we were. Although I know its a bad idea. We are oil and water. So, this will by my Day 1: I feel like #$%&!!! I checked her FB yesterday and I really feel an urge to call her. I keep telling myself that I am in control. I will not contact her but its so easy to do it. Just a plain text saying "Hi! how are you doing?" - But I cant. I know she will ignore me and I will only feed her enormous ego. Im better than that, I know... but its so damn hard...

Hi H! I miss you... I really do... I know it was me who started the break-up discussion but you always leave with such doubts about what you are doing when I´m not around you that I just cant take it anymore. You refuse a date with me on a weekend night and then a picture of you and a male "friend" appears on Facebook?! Really now? You thought I couldnt see your profile but guess what honey, I added you 2 months ago with a fake profile. All it took was a good looking guy on the profile photos and you clicked YES on the friends request. You always assumed I didnt have Facebook (which I dont) but I never said I couldnt create one profile. But its over now. Even though I miss you, I know its best for us to be apart. Strangely enough, all I wanted to know is if this is hard for you too. Maybe all I wanted to know is that you are suffering as much as I am. If I knew that, maybe I would feel better. However, at the same time, I know that if you show a glimpse of still liking me, I would try to get you back and the cycle would repete itself again. For that, this message wont reach you. It will die here! My confession of still loving you and you will never know it. Its been 16 days since we broke up and although you contacted me 4 days after the breakup, what we spoke was just BS. I know you got the message I sent you for your sons birthday a week ago, at least a reply would be nice. I told you Im not your enemy and I dont want to cross the street when I see you walking. A simple "hi" a move on. So this is my confession H. I still love you! I really miss you and I hope you shine brightly in someone elses sky. Goodbye. Q