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Msnak

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Msnak last won the day on January 15 2006

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About Msnak

  • Birthday 02/28/1977

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  1. Electronic friendship....that's a curious phrase. Let's explore that. It's safe. It's easy. You can reveal your innards if you like, without doing it face-to-face. What's the point, really?
  2. Wow, thanks for the ideas. My heart's desire is to know that he's happy and to have him in my life, even if just as a friend. So I have that chance again. I do use boundaries in everything--work (to keep from telling off my boss) -- school (to keep from telling off my teachers) -- and relationships (to keep from losing myself!). I don't feel stupid becoming friends with my ex. I feel stupid hearing my friends' opinion of things. They don't like anyone ever, so I cannot let them poison me. They're pretty negative. So, I've taken time to think this over. I will not have expectations, but I will be friendly. I am seeing other guys, so it's not like I have no options. He just seems to have this coincidental way of being in my life and I feel like it's so big, I'm not meant to understand it. Tonight, I get a call from my best male friend, who REALLY likes me and cannot stand my ex. This is nuts.
  3. I'm in the same irritating cycle now. I just met a few nice guys (but not matches for me) and I even have been reacquainted with the guy I think I could marry---but my best male friend stays in the back of my head. He admitted he loves me...then he tried to take it back. I don't know what game it is, but it confused me, made me mad, and then, made me want to be with him. The thought of not having him in my life scared me. He got scared, disappeared and I started chasing. It continued on that way--stop & go. He just called me an hour ago, ready to spend a holiday with me. I couldn't talk freely, I called him back, and now he won't return my call. HE ASKED ME TO CALL! I quit. He's nuts. He's about to lose me forever. No one deserves this! Moral of this reply -- be patient, maintain the friendship, be careful, move slow and recognize that not everything is meant to be.
  4. Ok, so it's been 9 months since I last dated my ex. We just fell apart, I guess. Didn't end on bad terms, just faded out. I wanted him back, but did no contact. Well, while running an errand for my sick mom, I have since run into my ex. This is the guy I've been secretly pining for (my friends have no clue). I've learned a lot of stuff about him since we broke up that changed the positive feelings my friends had about him. But I persist to realize we're all human and make mistakes. He was wearing shades, he'd gained weight and shaved. So, I didn't recognize him at first. It was my thumping heart that seemed to sense it was him. So, to confirm and not go home wondering, I went up to him and said his name, questioningly. Yup. It was him. We talked. He said he works well over 50 hours a week and is often out of town. And then his friend stood up and started chatting with me. I didn't even really notice him (though he is cute!). Oddly, this happened not one hour after I left church and the sermon ended with the following Bible verse: "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4 (NIV) Well, I was about to leave it at a surprise meeting, and I was turning to leave. I was walking away from the one person I wanted to spend time with the most. This is the person I think of even while I've been casually dating others since we broke up. But he said to stay in touch. So I agreed. WHAT THE HAIL IS WRONG WITH ME??? Any thoughts would be appreciated. I know, I'm an idiot. I don't expect anything of this, though seeing him is an answer to my prayers. We don't have the same social circles anymore. He might have been polite, for all I know. I admit, I have a weakness but I also have an uncanny ability to know when I'm being an idiot much of the time. My theme song for the moment is: Sarah McLachlan "Stupid." Though "My Favorite Mistake" by Sheryl Crow fits, too. Anyway, below is pretty much my story if you care.
  5. LOL! I knew someone would update this post! Didn't expect it'd be THIS soon!
  6. Motoboy, you can write all my emails and craft all my precarious business and personal voice messages from now on!
  7. Build up to it, make sure you can confirm that either is truly single. Go into work early or stay late if you know you can catch one of them. Ask one of them about their lunch plans. After a bit, pick one woman to start. Say nice things, compliment her, and then go up and ask questions. Let her talk about herself. Pay attention. Give it a day or two, then ask her out. IMHO!
  8. The intensity of the feelings will go away. Trust me. I thought I would never get over an ex when I was 19. It took more than a year, because I literally didn't know how to cope, he was all I could dwell on. Can you take a mini-vacation? Even for a weekend? To clear your head. Try and avoid him. He'll be your "drug" of choice, but you'll have to be stronger. What helped me was staying really busy, trying to get to know other guys, venting (poems, sports, exercise, talking to friends) and realizing that there's a great big wourld out there with so many other possibilities. You're very young and I promise you'll eventually see others besides the losers of the world. (Though I have a loser magnet, too!) The magnet eventually dulls and you'll be just fine. I promise.
  9. Andy--the above points are, unfortunately, the honest truth. You've done all you can. Sometimes I think our feelings are too powerful. So forceful we follow them, ignore them, get swept over by them, or worse, give in to them. Giving in without getting anything seems to be the common thing, as there are so many people around who want to "get" from multiple sources. (I don't know if this even makes sense! Sorry!)
  10. Seriously people! Writing a poem is art, it's expression, it's not worth getting beat up for! Some people have written songs about exes and made money off of them! Some of the hit sogs we love the most started off as poems... "All I Wanna Do" -- Sheryl Crow "Under the Bridge" -- Red Hot Chili Peppers There's more, but just because someone writes a poem, is it any different from someone going off to exercise to forget about someone? Different from painting or otherwise exerting yourself and being creative and expressive?
  11. I'm reading this and I'm wondering...why do we get these weak moments? I swear, there needs to be a scientific study on why we can leave someone behind and then, boom--something triggers some desire within us to go back to someone. Is it familiarity? A love of pain? The possibility of a second chance? I mean, I keep feeling like so many people give up on relationships too easily, and I know they're hard, but gee...why do our emotions have such power? If you follow this thread, you'll see Andy's growth from the uncertainty expressed in the opening post. Someone should study these emotions...and hopefully win a Nobel Prize for their conclusion about why we feel what we feel.
  12. Teacup: So this side of him, does he reveal it to you often? Was it right away? Is it when he's mad, stressed, sad, frustrated, etc? Is he super private and won't let others see what he's really about? Is he overly concerned with what others think of him? Does he make you feel like you can't do anything right or good? Is it expressed verbally, physically, etc? Do you feel in danger? These are questions to ask yourself to see if maybe this is a relationship you might need to walk away from. Sorry you had to find out he was a phony.
  13. So what if you try studying two or three girls. Seeing what their interests are, learning more about them, on a friendly level. Try to ask them out and spend a little time with them. Then, choose one and ask if she has intentions on going to the prom and if she'd go with you. You can take a few weeks to do this, you still have time. Don't pressure your self too much. I'd say try to relax and just start things as friends. Moving into a romantic relationship from minute one, is very hard most times.
  14. ehm_doubleyou: You asked if it's a good thing that you can talk about stuff and make it easier to meet someone in person... My humble opinion 1. Open communication is great, saves time, spares heartache in some cases, should be the basis of a good relationship. 2. Consider how big a part that sex is in the long-term relationship. How do you spend the bulk of your time with someone? Talking, going places, doing errands, chores, dealing with life, showing affection, sleeping, hobbies, etc. There's so much to explore in a relationship, that you almost fear a relationship focussing on solely one thing...because it means you're missing out somewhere. So, as long as you can talk--about everything under the sun--and realize that it takes SO much to build a strong and lasting relationship. 3. Also, the sparks and chemistry you feel that might be physical don't always last and sustain a relationship. So ensure that you build something that has many bonds.
  15. Update: My friend says she "cares" for this guy but that she isn't in love with him. And the kicker--she needs health insurance; marrying him will provide it at a time when she's having scary health issues. Her other friends said: "It's going to be another divorce for you. Just wait." She vented a lot; I just listened. My heart bleeds for her, though.
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