confusedgrl23

Why do I need to be ok with finding her crap in his house STILL. Why would he let her leave her things at his house if they were only "dating" and not serious. I thought I was the only girl he didn't care if I left my things at his house, well apparently I'm wrong. He has treated every girl he has dated the same, I'm no different. How can I feel special, when the facts are there to show that I am not. If he loved me sooo much, why would he make me feel this way?

It's not that I'm "jelous" over these things. It's the fact that I feel like if he did everything with her that he does with ME, then the things we do are not special. He took the special out of the things I thought only the two of us had, and shared them with a someone else. It hurts more then anything.

I've recently, about three months ago have reconciled with my fiance. We were dating for almost two yrs, broke up for six months and recently gotten back together. The reasons for which we broke up over have been resolved. During our break of about six months, we were both dating other people..and this is where the problem starts. I recently found out that he went on couple dates with one of my best friends whome I am no longer friends with when we were broken up. They kissed and apparently that's all that happened. Then he was dating some girl I don't know and took her on a trip to Miami Beach. When me and him dated, he took me there too . I usually stay over the weekends at his house...this morning before I left to go to work, I found her makeup in one of his makeup cabinets as well as some girls sweatshirt in the closet when I was checking if I left my jacket there. Now the girl he went to the beach with, he used to have a picture of them together on his stairs, this weeknd we were making out and somehow we ended up on those stairs, I couldn't get thoughts of them together on THOSE stairs out of my head for the rest of the weekend. This is my problem, I can't stop thinking of them together. I can't stop these thoughts of them doing the EXACT things that me and him are doing now. I can't get over the fact that he went with her on a trip that me and him took together. I can't get over the fact that he had the nerve to go out with one of my ex friends. Why is this bothering me SOOO much that I have become resentfull towards him. Granted, we were broken up, but why did he have to do things with her that he did with ME. He has apologized for going out with my friend and said he did not think it was a big deal that he went to miami with this other girl. Do I have the right to be angry? jelous? resentful? hurt over this? Why is this bothering me SOOO much that I can't stop thinking about it. Everything me and him do, I wonder if he did same with her. I just CAN NOT get over it. Don't get me wrong, I love him with all my heart, I want us to get married, to finally put the past behind us. But these thoughts are driving me insane. This past weekend, we got into an argument because I was being "snotty" when in turn I just felt resentful and hurt that I couldn't get these things out of my head, and I may have took it out on him. He doesn't know how big of a deal this is to me, I haven't told him, nor am I sure if I should tell him how I feel, because well it is the "past" and we are trying to "start over". I don't want to start an argument. I apologize for this long post, but I really REALLY need your help. Someone PLEASE tell me how to handle this situation.

SorryJason, Thank you sooo much for your advise. I really appreciate it

Ok. Not sure if this is the right place to put this but we'll see. My fiance and I broke up for six months. During that time we both dated other people. All our issues that we broke up over are resolved but I still have this nagging feeling that I just don't know how to get over. I can't stop thinking of the girl he was dating during that 6 months. I know he loves ME, I see it in the way he looks at me, in the small things he does for me, in the way he touches me. I KNOW he loves ME. Yet everytime he does one of those sweet things, I can't stop but wonder if he did the same thing to her. He changed alot (for the better) during those six months. He is more effectionate, more compromising. This breakup was deffinitely a good thing for us. It made us appreciate eachother more. It made us realize that we are meant to be together. Sooo I don't know why I would have a problem with him dating some girl during our breakup, I do not have resentment for us breaking up. I literally can get myself sick to my stomach just thinking about the two of them together. How he took her out to places, how he kissed her, had sex with her, how he probably did the same things he did with her that he does with me. Am I crazy? How do I stop thinking about them together? someone please help, I don't know why this is bothering me so much. I've dated people too, so I don't know what the problem would be. But its eating me inside. And yes I do want to get over these feelings, I just don't know how.

I'm willing to hyphenate it. Except his last name is really long. I told him that option, he thinks its "silly". For those who hyphenated it, when do u use the whole last name vs just his?

K me and my ex fiance are back together....we have resolved all our issues that we broke up over. except for one problem that arised: He asked me to marry him, he said he loves me more then anything, that he is happy that I'm back. There is one issue that we can't just resolve, its a big issue. He wants me to have his last name when we get married. I don't. There is only girls in my family and I want to keep my last name. It's reallly important to me, and I'm not willing to compromise on that I feel that I already compromised enough to be with him. I compromised on our wedding, I compromised on house, kids, everything. Granted I may have just changed my mind on some of those things but they were still things that I wanted. As strongly as I feel about my last name, he feels same way about me having his last name. He thinks its a tradition for the women to have their men's last name. (soo sexist ). I also am I little scared of the commitment. I find myself clamping up whenever we bring up our marriage issues. What is wrong w/me? I am so happy to have him back. He completes me in every way. He is the reason I go to work every morning with a huge smile on my face. He is the only one I can be completely at ease with. What is wrong with me? Am I paranoid? is the fact that I want to keep my last name making me this way? am I being silly for wanting that? how can we resolve this. We need help. I need help. Someone please tell me their opinion on this. I'd really, REALLY appreciate it.

Chai....do you suggest I tell him that? or pretend like its no big deal? And I don't know how he would feel about me going on a trip like that, perhaps I should tell him that I'll be spending my weekend with one of my boytoys.

K, me and my ex fiance are working on getting back together. Recently in the past couple weeks we have been seeing eachother after about 9 months of NC. I am also dating someone casually and so is he. The problem is that his birthday is next week....the girl he is dating has rented two hotel rooms for him and his best friend to go to this weekend coming up. I do not want him to think that I am jelous, trying to control him etc. That is one of the reasons that has caused problems between us to began with. BUT I can't help but think about this over and over and over again. I feel like if he is serious about getting back together with me, he shouldn't be going away with some girl to a hotel room for a weekend. He says he will not have sex with her, nor does he care about her. He also says that the only reason why he is going is because the rooms are already payed for and his best friend with his gf are going as well. Do I have the right to be jelous? should I say something? Am I stupid for not making a big deal about this? If I do say something about this, and he still goes...am I silly for being ok with it? As far as why we broke up, it was just a bunch of little issues, that we have talked over and resolved. He has never cheated on me, and I don't think he ever would. I trust him completely. BUt technically is still single, even if he does hook up with her...I can't call it "cheating". Please help me

hmm anyone else?

in my previous posts there is more regarding our breakup. BUT he is not the type to lead girls on. At least he never lead me on before. We were engaged, I'm not just some girl he has dated before. We have alot of history together.

Ok...soooo the process is still going. After 10 months of NC we have started emailing eachother.... We have been emailing eachother for the last few days. No phone. Our conversations have gotten progressively very flirty, almost like the old times. I must mention that our flirting is very sexual, we joked about raping eachother (its an old joke ). Well he keeps saying to "give him a buzz if I want some raping". I know he does not mean it literrally but then there is always that IF lol . I know soo confusing I know he is not into the whole platonic relationship with benefits..and I know he still loves me. He has said numerious times how much he still cares for me and how he is still in love w/me OVER EMAIL. Well I'm afraid to say ask him first that maybe we should hang out and talk things thru seriously. I think he is afraid to say it first as well, which is why he uses flirtatious ways to let me know. Ahhhh someone please tell me what to do, I dont want to mess this up I want us to see eachother and have a real conversation. No more JUST emails. But at the same time I don't want to rush into things and ruin how far we have already gotten.

Yep do not reply at all. It will make her even more angry Seems like she is playing games with you, she made her bed, now she can to lay in it.

I think out of respect for his ex, he should tell her what is going on. People need closure no matter how "psychotic" they were. I had a bf long time ago, that did the saem thing to me. We went out for almost two yrs and one day he just stopped calling me. It hurt more then him actually telling me the truth. Its unfair, and noone deserves that.

well I'd like to talk about it in person My question is how do I say that I want to talk to him in person?