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Thanks, rosie. I'm just trying not to be a doormat here... So he's totally MIA, probably stewing, or probably just writing the whole thing off; I mean, we only had four dates before he left. Should I call him?

Hi all, An update on the situation: So I felt great after cancelling on this fellow, feeling like I took control of the situation and insisted on not settling for less. But as the week progresses, I'm feeling crummier and crummier. Part of me just feels bad for leaving him hanging -- he acted badly by not calling until the day of the event, but I don't like the feeling that I responded by acting badly too (he hurt me, so I hurt him). I know, I know, he's the one who was inconsiderate so I shouldn't criticize myself for being inconsiderate, but that's how I feel now. I was hoping that he would call after the dust settled (he actually said he would when I talked to him to cancel the date), but there's been no phone call so far. What should I do? I thought of calling and apologizing, but then get peeved because he should be apologizing. I guess the bottom line is that I want to talk to him again just to tie up the loose ends. Even though he did a crappy thing this time around, he's a decent guy otherwise. I don't think he saw this coming. btw -- I do like him but realize that he's not fulfilling my needs, so I'm ready to do the painful work of letting someone you like go. So I don't want to call him for fear of getting sucked back in, and yet... But maybe he's just so mad that he already written me off. Guys, if you have been in a similar situation, what would you be thinking after all this? Thanks!

Thanks, annie24. I just told him I couldn't make it and I feel great (after all, my self-respect is worth more than a $75 ticket)! Thanks all for your advice and support.

Thanks all, that's what my gut tells me. But let me be sure I'm not being too hard on him, as my friend is telling me. - Before this trip he was very attentive and eager - But yes, it's annoying that he didn't contact it me at all while he was away (and it was seriously away, not a like a short jaunt to Paris or something) - He calls me the day of the date (today), which he asked me to before he left on the trip. - This is only the 2nd day he has been back, so calling me now would not have been such a big deal if it weren't for the "day of the date" thing. I know I'm being neurotic and my gut says lose this guy, but my friend tells me I should give him a chance to explain himself. What do you think?

Update: So the guy DOES call a few hours ago. Leaves a sheepish message about having an unexpected house guest as soon as he gets back. Says he still want to see me for this event (tonight) that he asked me to weeks ago. So here's the facts: Can't find the time to contact me the entire time he is away. Doesn't call me for a few days after he returned, but then calls me the day of the event that he had asked me to. So do I go? I actually rather not. Call me {mod edit}, but I think it's rude to call someone on the day of the date to make plans for the date (being busy with a house guest is a lame excuse). My girlfriend says just go, enjoy the event, make him fess up about the situation and move on. What do you all think? btw - BeStrongBeHappy, that was a hilarious story about your friend, but I guess not so hilarious when it was happening to her. I know love has made me blind before!

Hello people. I could really use your advice on this baffling situation. I've been dating a guy for the last few months. It's been light, but we did click. He seemed very eager and interested, calling me all the time, trying to see me whenever he could etc. We both travel a lot for our jobs, but when he was away he would always stay in touch, not to mention that he would always call the minute he got off the plane. Part II: He goes away for several weeks to an exotic, farflung place. Tells me that he will not likely be able to call/e-mail (somewhat understandable given the nature of the place, but hey, even the Third World has e-mail). Anyway, he acts apologetic and sorry that he is leaving for so long, and then asks me to go with him to an event a few days after he gets back. He mentions it several times just before he leaves. I don't say yes, I don't say no, but all signs would indicate that I would hear from him when he got back, right? Well, you guessed it, he's back now and there's no contact. Some other useful info: as charming and interesting he is, on every date he talks about his ex-girlfriend. They have been broken up nearly two years, but he is clearly still torn up about it. Also, the day after he gets back, he takes his profile down from an online dating site. He's also doesn't say who he is travelling with on this long trip, which I take note of because when he talks about his travels he usually goes into great detail about who he was with, how he knows them etc. What gives? I don't want to call him -- the message is really clear and I can accept the fact that this has run its course -- but I kind of want to say what's up? Thanks for your advice!

So if I have a date to go to a show and the fellow also asks me for dinner beforehand, who pays for dinner (he's already paid for the tickets)? Do I offer to pay my share of the tickets?

Wow! You guys are optimistic Maybe I'm just paranoid... The responses seem to be mostly from women. Men -- when you meet someone online that you have a lot of interest in (I'm not saying love at first sight or anything, but enough that you pursue with phone calls, e-mails, dates the whole bit), why would you be still prowling around the online dating scene? Or would you?

So...I've gone on a few dates with this guy who I met online. We get along great, there is chemistry etc. etc., he calls and e-mails me regularly, and is always asking me out to do more stuff. But his profile on the dating site shows that he logs in every few days or so. We're certainly not at that exclusive stage, so I get it, but it feels strange. Is there another woman that he is calling, e-mailing, inviting out etc.? What do people think?

(Some) women expect men to pay on a date because that's what society has taught us -- men should be the breadwinner and be able to take care of a woman financially. Of course this idea is totally outdated -- I'm not looking for a man for his money (though admittedly some women are). I can only speak for myself, but the reason a red flag goes up when a guy is reluctant to pay is that it can be a signal a larger issue. For instance, in the last post, the guy's attitude is "what have you done for me lately?" So a woman might think that if a guy is going to be like that about something as trivial as a restaurant bill, what's going to his attitude in more serious relationship decisions? Sure, I may be reading too deeply into this, but it has been my experience that those who are tight with their wallet are also tight with their heart. This also only reflects what's appealing to me in a guy. I'm not looking for someone to take care of my financially, but I am looking for someone who doesn't sweat the small stuff, which to me is a signal of how they will handle more important matters.

Hey, thanks everyone. Maybe he was checking for my gold-digger tendencies, but he knows what I do and that I'm not broke. Okay, next scenario: he asks me to go see a show, which he already has tickets to. If there is dinner and/or drinks afterwards or before, do I volunteer to pay since he bought the tickets? And remember, he's always doing the asking. And if you say that I shouldn't pay and I should wait and see what he does, do I just sit there and do nothing? That's so uncomfortable! Okay, and finally, what are the reasons that a guy does not pay for dates -- I'm going to start another thread on this to get a list going. This should be interesting!

So have rules for who pays for the date changed? Scenario: First date with a guy met online, went for coffee. We each paid our own way, which made sense. Second date with guy, went for dinner and drinks. Guy left the check sitting on the table for a long time then asked me if I wanted him to pay my share or have him pay. I said it didn't matter. He said that he would pay but did not want to offend me, so I said, no it doesn't offend me But I got the sense that he wouldn't have minded at all if I paid. Then, I paid for drinks, but guy made no gesture of, "no, no, let me do that." Am I being old-fashioned to think that guys should pay on the first few dates? Why wouldn't they want to (outside of money issues -- he's very well-off, or outside of interest issues -- he keeps calling me for more dates). Thanks for your opinions!

Hi all -- thought someone could help me with this problem. I belong to a social organization that meets several times a month. There is a guy there that I am acquaintances with and have liked for a while, but it's clear that he only sees me as a friend. Most of the time I can treat him as one of the crowd, but once in a while I feel slighted if he doesn't talk to me that day, or if it seems like he's paying a lot of attention to other women. Sometimes I get so frustrated that I'm upset for most of the day. How do I deal with this? I know that this guy is not interested in me, but I get so upset that he isn't. Most of the time I'm good about facing this fact and can rein in my emotions, but once in while (like today), I get insanely upset that I really like this guy but he is not interested in me. I thought of not attending organization events anymore, or at least for a while, but I have many friends there who are important to me. Your suggestions are much appreciated!

I'm sorry to hear that you are going though so much pain. I think you should cut it off with this woman. She's having her cake and eating it too. Read the other posts on dating married people -- the married person hardly ever gives up the marriage for another relationship. And, if she's being unfaithful in her marriage, I would say that is a serious character flaw that does not bode well for her relationships with anyone.

You should do what you're most comfortable with. If you really like this guy and are getting frustrated that he's not making a move, then make the move yourself. But if deal with the uncertainty, then I'd wait and see what he does. I'm of the mind that you should wait and see. I do believe that guys can be shy, but when they want something, they go for it.