onlyhuman

NjRon: So true. I keep on wondering how once it was true love, and now it's not true anylonger. I still love her with all my heart. The things I don't understand, I try not to blame myself since she's said I didn't do anything wrong... but it's hard since self esteem is all down to 0.

Well... I'm back, I found this site about 1 year ago after my ex ex gf broke up with me. Now I've been together with this woman for about 6 months and here I am again, being left again. I know the stages of healing, doesn't make things any easier. I've been here many times, at square one, but it never gets any easier. Knowing that one day it will get easier keeps my hopes up, but it gives little comfort in time of sadness. My friends doesn't seem to understand me, but I know you people on this site do understand. It's like a quiet nod, I feel welcomed here, strange as it might sound. I'm in the "what if" phase, this phase I don't like at all. And the dreams, stomach ache, crying my tears out. I thought to myself I would be stronger this time, but I'm not.. I feel like I've failed myself somehow. it's not my ex gf fault, I don't blame her, she only did what her feelings told her to.. she doesn't love me anymore. I know it's over although my heart hasn't really understood it yet, it will take a few weeks. I'm going through the same books I did last year, the books that tells you that it will get better one day. If someone wants to send me a pm and share the stories that would be good, as I said I think my friends are already tired of me. So yeah, you're not alone ... /onlyhuman.

I've been in this situation more times than I want to remember, and I know the past outcomes which hasn't been good. But maybe it's my low selfesteem talking right now. I'm not writing this letter for a way of changing her mind, I'm writing this letter for a way of showing I'll support her no matter what. But maybe you're right, maybe I shouldn't say anything right now... I don't know. It's hard. I'll write it and give it a week, that's a good idea. thanks.

Hello, Some of you remember me, most of you don't. I've been here before, now I'm here again. I've been dating this woman for about 6 months, things haven't been so easy always but we managed to work things out. Until now. She has alot of things to go through with her life and so do I, that's why we decided after a fast start to take it more slowly. Now she says she doesn't want a relationship anymore but she still wants to think about it. And I know there's nothing I can do really. I love her though. I got quite angry at her when she said she didn't want a relationship, I was hurt. It's been over a week now, and I was thinking of sending her a letter. I know usually letters like this should be kept to yourself. But I'm just wanting to write her telling her sorry that I got angry at her and letting her now I'll support her decision no matter what she decides. After the letter I was thinking of going NC. What do you think, letter or no letter? thanks for listening. -- onlyhuman

I'm lucky not to go through any heartbreaking, infact life is good to me. But trust me I've been in that ditch, mud, hell etc. more times than I want to remember. One feeling-better song I listened to through those times was by Massive Attack "better things". Here is the lyrics for it: " "Better Things" [Tracy Thorn] Don't drag me down Just because you're down And just cause you're blue Don't make me too And though you've found You need more than me Don't talk to me About being free That's freedom without love And magic without love Magic without love Hear me say Better things will surely come our way Hear me say Better things will surely come our way You say the magic's gone Well i'm not a magician You say the spark's gone Well get an electrician And save your line about needing to be free All that's bull * * * * babe You just want rid of me You want freedom without love And magic without love Magic without love Yeah Hear me say Better things will surely come my way Hear me say Better things will surely come my way " .... Keep on believing in yourself, respect yourself, love yourself. -- onlyhuman

Hello all, I haven't been here in months, but I remember it like yesterday when I had nowhere else to turn, I desperately searched for support and answers. T hrough google I found this site... enotalone. Long story short. My ex girlfriend broke up with me in end of may, we'd been together for 6 months and were planning on moving in together over summerholidays (long distance relationship). This was the woman I could see getting married to at the time, we dreamed about building a house together... it all seemed so perfect. Well we never moved in together during summerholidays, instead I visited her a few times. The chock when she announced she wasn't sure about her feelings, I denied it to myself. I did everything I could, gave her all the room and time she needed and still being there for her, I showed her how much I loved her. But it was all in despair, she still ended it...I was crushed. I told her if she still wanted to have sex that it would still feel good, so we did have sex a few times... a big No No but we did it anyway. The day came, about a month after the initial breakup, when she said it didn't feel good being intimate with me. I still loved her deeply. I was crushed, the second time over. Until then I still felt hope somewhere, even if people here told me that being intimate after a breakup is not a good idea, I was too much in love to listen to advises. Summer went by... I was in emotional rollercoaster, I couldn't eat, sleep, cried alot, everything felt so unreal. I started having panic and anxiety attacks, it went as far as OCD (obsessive compulsion disorder) and greatly affected my everyday life. I read alot about NoContact on enotalone, but I couldn't do it. University started again so I had the distance between her and me, and I think that was my initial rescue. But at the time it just seemed so much harder, I couldn't understand how being away from the person I loved would make things any easier. After a long period of thinking I decided to start eating anti-depressive medicin, to increase serotonin level. Before that I looked around for comments about anti-depressive medicine, found out it was about 50/50 good and bad experiences. I talked to avman (thanks for the messages!) and decided to give it a try. The first few weeks it didn't make me feel any better, but after about a month it started to have effect. The idea of having atleast 2 minutes of peace of mind per day was amazing, 2 minutes of rest (anxiety was in my dreams as well)... it made all the different. I started therapy aswell, since I read anti-depressive medicin is only temporary help that it wouldn't get rid of the problem itself. I still loved my ex girlfriend (this was in August), but we didn't meet. Something told me that even though I Wanted to see her, in some strange way I was better off not seeing her. We still talked alot over the phone though, but it gradually got less and less. I think it was around October that I didn't love her anymore, when my feelings for her were gone. It didn't happen over night instead gradually. I remember starting new hobbies, meeting new people, starting going Out again. At first it felt difficult, I wanted to stay indoors... I also spent alot of time by the beach just thinking the same thoughts over and over again... That was also a big problem, getting stuck at the same thoughts. I'm not sure if it was the medicin, therapy, NC, time, supporting friends, enotalone, new hobbies, new people... or what, I think it was a combination of it all. I did have to force myself starting out new hobbies, it was difficult at first...but somewhere somehow I knew I Wanted to get better. And I did... In late October I was doing fairly well, I had found ME again and although I still battled with the anxiety through medicin/therapy I was able to live a normal life again. Then I met a woman at this party (one of the first parties I'd gone to in many months). We started talking and we talked for hours... I thought she looked good but I felt I wasn't ready for a relationship, and I told her that. She told me that she wanted to be friends too. But, somehow... we started seeing each other more often.. almost everyday. We were so honest with each other, and felt really comfortable with each other. And so, one day a few weeks later after we first met... we kissed. It felt so good but weird at the same time, because I really hadn't thought of getting into a relationship with the anti-depressive medicin, therapy and sorting myself out. I think it was the honesty between us that worked magic. We started dating and it quickly turned into a serious relationship. I never felt this good about any relationship I've had, again through the honesty the relationship is built on solid ground which I never experienced before. We're both happy together and planning a future together I hope my story gives hope to those in despair now, 6 months ago I was there too... I want to show you that it does get better. I also wish to give all of you the advice not to trust that time alone heal all wounds. Some things requires more attention and work. The path to happiness usually is long but I promise you it's worth every second of hard work. It's like if breaking a bone in your body, it might heal by itself with time but sometimes it requires medical attention by proffesionals. And the help is out there, be it by medicine or therapy, social workers, enotalone etc. Do not hesitate to ask for help. I started out by saying I haven't been here in a few months. Not sure why but I think it was part of the healing process. In the first few weeks and months I used to read tons of threads, at work aswell (I wasn't productive over the summer but tried hiding it). I could very briefly forget about my own problems, it gave me a way of escaping, a way of rest, at the same time it gave me advice and help. But the day came when I thought to myself I have to face the world again, on my own, though it would have taken much longer and much more pain if it weren't for enotalone. Finally a word of gratitude to everyone on enotalone, the creators, moderators and all it members. Special thank to avman, DN, jng92130, blueyes25, annie24, urbangentleman and anyone else that I might have forgotten (you know who you are). -- onlyhuman

I'm feeling alot of anxiety following a relationship breakup. But my anxiety started years ago hidden inside me, it just seems to be "activated" by the breakup. I have problems sleeping also, waking up way too early in the mornings. And most of the day I have all sorts of anxiety thoughts running through my mind, I don't find peace and harmony inside even if I try. I'm talking to a psychologist right now and it seems to be a sollution to the problem. I've also started eating anti-depressive medicin against the anxiety. Good luck! -- onlyhuman

Ok, so I couldn't sleep so I started eating the anti-depressive medicin. The first few days I slept better but now my anxiety has gone even higher then before and I'm back to not sleeping good. I'm not sure if it's because of the medicin or not. How do you know if the medicin has the right effect or not? How long should it take to show the right effects? I'm just so confused right now.

Yes I am talking to a psychologist and it does seem to be going in the right direction, I'm almost sure I've located the source of my worrying/anxiety, even if it still seems a long way to go. I haven't mentioned yet that I talked to the doctor but I will the next time I talk to the psychologist. Doctor thinks it's my serotenin level gone down after a few weeks of anxiety, and that's why I've started to not sleeping well. I know almost everyone feels sad, worried and lonely after a breakup. But my worrying seems to be taking alot of energy. If this was Star Trek, I'm sure Captain Picard would have switched to "Red Alert" by now (see I still can make jokes!).

Hello. Posted in "healing after breakup" earlier but thought this might be a better place. Ok, so the story is my gf broke up with me about 3 months ago. A few weeks ago I started feeling worried, really worried. It's certain things I worry about my past, not so much about my future. It''s gotten to the point where I'm starting to loose sleep over it, waking up in the middle of the night and feeling high anxiety escpecially in the mornings (maybe due to nightmares?). I still work and spend time with friends but of course I'm tired almost all day due to not sleeping well. So I talked to the doctor who recommended anti-depressive medicin, I can tell you now I'm not depressed, but the doctor said it would help me sleep at night. I have mixed feelings about this, part of me wants to fix whatever is worrying me by eating well and exercise. But part of me thinks if I can get the worrying/anxiety to go away with anti-depressive medicin I can more easily find the source of what causes the worrying/anxiety from the first place. Has anyone taken anti-depressive medicin against anxiety? What was the reactions? Any other thoughts? thanks for reading, -- onlyhuman

Hello again. Ok, so anxiety level still seems to be high. I talked to a doctor who recommends anti-depressive medicin. I'm not depressed, but I sure have problems sleeping at night because I worry and it's been like this for a few weeks now. I still work and enjoy spending time with my friends, but at nighttime and when I'm alone I worry. Still not sure if anti-depressive medicin is right for me in this life situation. But it seems I worry way too much after I got dumped about 3 months ago. Has anyone else taken anti-depressive medicin. Did it work? Any support from anyone out there would be hepful! thanks for reading this, -- onlyhuman

Hello. I agree 3 months is a long time to feeling high anxiety. The anxiety has gone down a little bit in the past few weeks, but it's still high level. Usually it comes in waves and the waves is not as frequent anymore. I have nightmares also so the anxiety is highest in the mornings. I have read about relaxation techniques, and been trying meditation the last days before going to sleep. Anyway I think talking to a psychologist might be the best idea. I'm just really tired of all the anxiety.

Hello, I need some feedback here. My gf broke up with me 3 months ago saying she no longer loves me, that I didn't do anything wrong, that she doesn't know any reasons why her feelings faded away. At first I was so sad that I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat and everything felt so unreal. Well most of that is starting to get a little bit better now and I can start to see a brighter future even if it's still far away. I love her very much and I miss her. A big problem right now seems to be my anxiety level, it's gone sky high. I wonder if anyone else gone through a high anxiety level, did you talk to a psychologist about it and did it help?