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Minty80

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  • Birthday 04/30/1980

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  1. I think I understand what you are describing because a friend of mine is going through the exact same thing, for a year as well. Let me know if I'm close... They see each other and talk on the phone all the time, they even occasionally do special couple-type things together. Except even after a year he won't call her his girlfriend, by saying he won't commit he's leaving himself the option to dump her at anytime and not feel guilty about it because he "told her I don't want a commitment", would never dare to utter the word "love", and when she is upset over something he doesn't have to provide any emotional support because of the no commitment thing. Basically in the superficial sense he is her boyfriend but emotionally it's nothing close to that. Is that familiar? Dump him, get rid of him and find someone who will commit to you. Even if you are miserable at first you will be MUCH happier in the long run. I also agree with RayKay, don't worry about the scar at all. It's often the imperfections that make us more beautiful to those who love us. I know what I'm talking about, I have psriosis on my shins, elbows, and scalp. Sometimes it's worse than others, but my boyfriend doesn't care, and neither did my ex-husband. People who love you won't care about something like that and you will find someone who truly loves you.
  2. Well he actually brought it up again, so saved me the trouble, lol. We had a long and productive talk. Basically what came out of it was we are leaving things for now, but that if he wants to continue in this relationship and move in together at some point he has to show total commitment, meaning marriage. I stressed that I wasn't talking about anytime in the near future and that I don't want him feeling pushed into anything. He was actually okay with it and was able to say the word marriage without choking on it, lol. He also said that he felt that was a commitment he will be able to give. Weeee! We actually discussed that also. He comes from a divorced family and is very sensitive to the whole kids issue. Lately he's been getting much more involved with them and he said that the reason for that is because he is planning on this being longterm and if he wasn't planning to stick around he would be keeping his distance more. He still only spends time with the kids while I am there but he suggests the four of us hanging out a lot more than we used too. It's a gradual thing though. So instead of coming over after they are asleep he'll come over an hour or two before they are in bed and once in awhile he'll stop by earlier and have dinner with us. He gets that kids need stability so as much as he is able to he tries to keep a similar schedule with the kids so they can count on him being around. All in all it was a very good talk and I'm feeling a lot better about everything.
  3. Thank you for that reminder. Not pushing for things is something I need to keep in mind or I have a tendency to do otherwise. It looks like we won't have a chance to talk tonight anyway. Some of his friends want to hangout at his house and watch a movie. I'm kinda disappointed, I was really looking for some alone time tonight anyway, but I guess it can wait till next week. I'll post an update when we do get a chance to talk.
  4. You are both right. It sounds more complicated when thinking of it myself but when written out it does seem so simple. The only thing that I didn't make clear was the one year thing was because when we first started to date he wanted nothing to do with kids or marriage. I told him I was willing to give him time to change his mind (and he said he wouldn't have started dating me if he didn't think that he would) but that if he still felt the same way after a year I wasn't going to wait around. So my hesitation is partially to do with not wanting to push it, I told him he had a year and I feel I should give him that year. If the kids weren't involved we would probably be living together already. Can someone's opinion really change that much in 7 months? Then again he was the one who brought it up sooooo... I'll try and talk with him tonight, I guess.
  5. I think I would be a little jealous, but at the same time it seems to me that the point of going to the club is at least partially to dance. So I would probably be okay with it. I mean, it wouldn't be my boyfriends fault that I couldn't go so why should he have to wait and only have fun with me? I think it would depend on the frequency. If it was once in awhile it definitely wouldn't bug me. If he often chose to go out to the club with his friends rather than see me that would definitely signal a problem. Of course I'm assuming here that if he didn't go to the club he would be able to come to my house and hangout or go out to some other place together. If there was zero chance I could see him that night then again it wouldn't bother me. I wouldn't expect him to stay home just because I had too.
  6. I'm wondering how often/when different couples discuss the direction of the relationship and where it is heading? It's on my mind cause my boyfriend and I had originally agreed that we'd give the relationship a year and then see where it is. Except that the other night he passed out at my house (again, been happening a lot lately) and when he woke up for work he said "This living apart thing just isn't working anymore." It was 5:30am though and I told him it was too early to discuss that That was a couple of days ago and it hasn't come up again, though we've been really busy since then and haven't had much talking time so that could be why. It's a little complicated for us also since I have two kids and I told him at the beginning that the only way I'm moving in with someone is if we are engaged or married. That's why we had originally made the one year deal, we've been together 7 months so far, known each other 10 years. So if he doesn't bring it up again should I bring it up or just wait it out for the original year? How long do most people wait to talk about that stuff or how often do you check-in to see how the relationship is going?
  7. I'm gonna out myself as a true weirdo right now. With my children I followed a type of parenting generally referred to as Attachment Parenting. The basis of it is letting a child move at their own pace and maintaining closeness. There is one part that applies here though, and that has to do with weaning (whether from breastfeeding or bottle). An interesting little note, the worldwide average for children weaning is 3 - 5 years and anthropologists figure that the average age for human weaning should be anywhere up to 7 years old (has to do with brain development, teeth coming in, that sort of thing). My son nursed until he was a bit past 4 years old when he stopped and my daughter was a bit over three. Both of them stopped on their own when they decided that they were ready. I don't see the bottle as being any different. He really will stop when he is ready and frankly, I'm firmly of a belief that children do not need to be pushed to be independent and will do so when they are emotionally ready. I've seen it happen over and over again in my children and children of my friends. So really what her boyfriend is doing is different from mainstream parenting but has studies that attest to it being an effective method. To deal with the bottle before meals and the teeth/obesity issue I'd say suggest to your boyfriend only filling the bottle with water from now on. The child will still be getting his needs met and the risks from using a bottle will be lowered/removed. I also agree with the other posters, this is your boyfriends son and frankly he has finally say in parenting matters. Especially in parenting issues that don't actually effect you or the relationship. My boyfriend will occasionally make suggestions regarding my children and I do take them into consideration but he also realizes that these are my kids and he has to accept my final decision. The fact that he can do that is one of the things I appreciate about him.
  8. I'm going with fairly normal, minus the trying to kill you part; that isn't. My brother and I are a bit farther apart in age, 4 years, but we had a similar relationship. We fought horribly (I actually broke a mirror by pushing him into it once) and my brother also tended to be on the receiving side of teasing. I also felt bad and at first didn't say anything and kinda let it slide but eventually I stood up for him (err more or less). I just told my friends to let him be and that I was the only one allowed to give him a hard time. I didn't really try and defend him I just told them all to knock it off, half-jokingly but seriously enough that they did slow down and eventually stop. The good news? I'm 25 now and my bro is 21 and we have an awesome friendship. We actually talk on the phone and hangout for fun all the time. We found some stuff in common and will go to some concerts together or talk politics but the real turning point came when I first stopped my friends from making fun of him. After that it was mostly just a waiting game until we had both matured enough to have an actual friendship. So I know exactly how you feel and I can tell you that what worked for me was standing up for him, and since your brother is your family that's standing up for yourself as well.
  9. btdt in an extremely similar situation. Only difference is we did end up hooking up before he left but it wasn't supposed to be meaningful. We ended up dating for a year, and it was hard being so far apart but doable. We broke up for other reasons. My advice, try not to worry about the future and just see what happens.
  10. That right there, oh no no no! I don't think so! I understand her need to get herself straightened out and all that but that doesn't give her the right to screw up your life at the same time, sorry just doesn't work that way. Seriously, just the thought is getting me riled up because you know what, it IS unfair to you and it does not have to be that way. My advice, give her the space she needs, tell her that you'll be there when she's able to start working on a relationship, but that until then for YOUR mental health you need to cut contact. It is completely unfair and unrealistic to expect you to continue hanging around as a friend. You don't have to and you shouldn't, you should not sacrifice yourself in HER pursuit to get better. It's time to be a little selfish and do what you have to to keep yourself sane. Break contact until she's in a better place mentally.
  11. I wish I had some advice that wasn't posted already but I'm sorry, I don't. I just wanted to say how incredibly sorry I am to hear of your loss.
  12. I think I would do a few thing. First off, I would just try not and worry about it for right now, so much could change between now and after his father passes that there really isn't anything to be decided upon. I would try and do what I could though. Like, you mentioned your daughter and the programs she is in. I completely understand how incredibly hard it is to switch out of stuff like that. My son is autistic/developmentally delayed (blah having trouble getting a label) and is in quite a few special needs programs, ya know the whole IEP, testing, meeting after meeting, and all that other junk. What I would do is scope out the area where your boyfriend's mother is. Try to look for moms in the area who also having a hearing imparied child or a special needs child and who have dealt with the school districts. See what programs they offer, the quality of the programs, etc etc... Who knows, there might be a school district up there with an excellent program, or one that is comparable to where your daughter is now. It is a pain to change programs, but not impossible. Maybe talk to your boyfriend and see what his mother's interests are. See if you can find clubs for her in your area. I wouldn't present them to her now or anytime soon, but if moving to your area does come up in the future you'll be able to show her things that would interest her and ways to make new friends in the area. Check out the job situation where your boyfriend's mother is, see what there is for you and what the housing in the area is like. Try not to worry yourself or dwell on it too much but maybe feeling a little more prepared or like more options will be open will help with that. You have the time to look around now when no decision is required and that's the best time to check things out, both in your area and where your boyfriend's mother lives.
  13. Does she take tylenol or some other OTC medication on a semi-regular basis? Say for headaches or stuff like that? Tylenol especially is notoriously bad for the liver particularly if you are a woman and drink more than an average of one drink a day (so having eight drinks over the course of the weekend would put a person into the high-risk category that should not take tylenol, for men it's an average of 2 drinks a day). I'd suggest your friend go in for a checkup immediately either way. There are more things it could be than just liver damage but that does seem likely and it's important she gets this checked out asap.
  14. If you really want to understand read link removed this essay and then some of the other essays on that page. It's specifically referring to everquest but the principles apply to almost all mmorpgs and many games in general.
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