sammy_jess1607306448

hey there, I think it is helping me already to realise that I am not the only person in the world with this 'problem'. I don't think it matters how good looking you are, or how much you weigh - its all to do with how you feel about yourself. I would consider myself (without sounding big headed) to be fairly attractive and have a slim figure, my sisters always tell how beautiful I am and so does my fiance. It just does not make a difference, there is always in my opinion some girl/woman with bigger breasts, a cuter smile, a sexier figure or something that I don't have and I end up thinking I should have those things. My fiance says to me, why would he look else where when he has perfection already, he says he'll always compare people to me and they would never match up to me' he also tells me he loves me , that I am beautiful and lots of nice things. So what is going on? I seem to having a perfectly happy relationship, loving and strong and yet I get so wound up sometimes with jealousy it pulls me apart inside, I feel sick and can't not breathe until I have cross questioned him about everything. If only there was a magic pill you could take to stop these feelings occurring life would be so much easier. There is one way, I went to do hypnosis and did learn some controling techniques, it didn't solve the problem but it did help control it. The Hypnosis taught me which I will share with you all to try. When you feel the jealous feelings, sit or lay down and close your eyes, concentrate on your breathing. Picture in your mind one cloud in a blue sky, the cloud size would depend on the size of the feelings you are having. Now try and pinpoint where the hurt is (when I say hurt - there is usually a bad feeling inside you) try very hard to imagine the hurt as something you can see, I usually picture it as blue smoke running up and down my body but it can be anything you like. Once you can see the pain inside you as a real thing rather than just a feeling (the jealous feeling) you can get it out of you. Try and imagine the object (hurt/pain) moving upwards towards your throat, upwards and upwards, when it reach the top open your mouth and let the object (hurt/pain in my case the blue smoke) drift out of your mouth and float up into the cloud in the blue sky. The idea behind this is that you can do this with all your worries, push it into the cloud and away. Don't let it upset you anymore. Once you can see it away from you you may beable to make more sense of it. It is worth a try, and has helped my sometimes from just getting jealous and then cross questioning my fiance, this way I am controlling it, and not letting it rule my life. It is all about control and feeling good about yourself, I am going to make an extra effort because if I don't then I could lose him through my own stupidity. There is no answer and that is why there are no healing words for us, when I went to the councillor, I did it because I thought it would help, but I just felt she didn't understand at all. I stopped going because it was just making me worse, talking about every jealous feeling I had had that week was terrible, it was like re-living those feelings again. The ONLY way is to control the feelings, it will come with confidence (if only I could take my own advise!). good luck to you all.

Hi there, Weight gain is so easy to do, however unless you have an illness or a very unusual metabolism then there is no reason why each and every one of us can not be the weight they would dream to become. I have never been fat, I have always eaten healthily and gone to the gym reguarly. Most people would say that I am am slim or have a lovely figure. But when I look in the mirror I feel over weight, not a lot, just slightly. I have never perfected my weight for me. I find that even by going to the gym and eating healthy my weight never changes my body thinks its at its perfect weight but I believe you should never give up until you reach your own goal, the only one way I can lose weight is by eating VERY small amounts of food per day. By small amount I mean a salad for lunch and baked beans on toast for dinner everyday which is really hard to do. This is not the same for everyone though, if you weigh more than 10 stone and you are a woman believe me it is a lot easier to lose the weight. All you have to do is eat LESS than you are already, you may say I have tried everything but you can not have tried just simply eating a lot less or you would not be over weight. Even if you didn't excerise you could lose weight by not eating the amounts you are consuming to keep the weight increasing. It takes a lot of WILLPOWER to do this, when you think about having dinner look at the fat content of the item you are going to eat, they say women can have 70grams of fat per day - but this is only if you are NOT on a diet. You need to look at the fat content and think to yourself, do I really want to eat this, is this going to make me feel better about myself. Try taking away butter or marg from things like beans on toast with no marg. Buy food that keeps you snacking but doesn't make you put on weight. like: apples, baked beans, salad, carrots, pasta salad, crackerbread, soup, rice pudding, fruit salad or things that do contain fat but smaller amounts that normal snacks: very very low fat crisps, jacket potato (with no butter), nutrigrain bars, slimming bars (just one though per day), low fat microwave meals (all types are great for losing weight) You don't need to do this every day, at the weekend if you have been strict with yourself then have a pizza, you can have the nice things if you stick to the healthy ones 90% of the time. If you are not part of a gym, jog round the block for half an hour a day, the pounds will fall off you. There is no fast scheme that will encourage you to lose weight, the only way is if you have the will inside you to do it. I will report back in fours weeks when I have reached my ideal weight, and I will get there - because I want to.

Hi, It was really interesting to read your message, it can't be nice being on the end where you don't know what the hells going on!! How much do you know about this mystery girl? did she recently break up with someone else? does she hang around with guys and girls at college? You have not given us much background on her, there must be more of a reason behind all this. Is she flirty with you? did you hang out with her alone or in a group? so far without knowing much about her I get the feeling there is more to her, maybe one of three things: I had a really great mate once (years ago), I knew he really liked me and I also liked him, he was also always asking me if we were going to get together. My excuse was that I had a boyfriend at the time. But my friend also knew that I didn't really like him very much. Eventually I broke with my boyfriend and the friend expected us to get it together, however I then discovered I really had just liked the attention and realised that I didn't actually fancy him. It was horrid of me, I explained best as I could, so we lost touch. I am not saying this is what she wants, but girls do like attention and if you then have taken it a step further maybe she has realised that you are not the one for her. ------ 2. She is getting over a previous relationship and needs time to get over it, if so give her some more time and she'll come round. ------ 3. She has strict parents who want her to concentrate on her studies before she gets into any relastionship. could be any reason behind this, don't wait around too long for her. Move on.

Thanks for your advice everyone, I totally understand what you are saying and too be honest I think I am over reacting, I had a conversation with him last night and I said that I was annoyed about the text message and demanded to know who named her Gismo and him studley, he told me about the guys there and how they nicknamed everyone when they all arrived. Its a really intensive course, They have to study all day and then into the evening too, he is never alone with the girls and only really sees them at dinner or study time. he has assured me that they are not 'friends' and only colleauges to him, he has to keep a good relationship with every person there because its for the police force and he may have to rely on these people to save his life when they begin working together after the training. He gives her a lift because she gave him some lifts a few times when he was stuck (his campus is in a different area and he had no parking pass to park in his carpark). I have seen her before and she is (not being nasty) but not very good looking, am I being really over the top here, if I keep talking to him about my jealousy over and over again and wasting the precious time we have at the weekends or on the telephone I am afraid he will get fed up. Everyday I have a buring desire to cross question him thoroughly and surely its wrong, I should be able to accept that he must work with other girls should I not? where do you go from here? Sammy_Jess

I would really like some help, I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we live together. I have always been very jealous and we have just got through it. It makes me really unhappy and insecure. I know I have a problem but can not find a way to control it. I have seen a councillor and tried hypnosis. Neither worked. Recently he has got a new job where he has to go away for 15 weeks and only return at the weekends, it has been terrible, my worse nightmare. He has become friends with girls, goes to the bars with them (as well as guys) and is now giving one of the girls a lift up there on sunday night and a lift back on friday. She sent him a text message about whether he could pick her up on sunday calling him 'studley' from 'gismo' and he told me that is his nickname the guys gave him and she just picked it up from them. I know I am jealous but am I being silly about this too?