harpua

Sure thing Phoenix...though I pretty much know what she's thinking, Private Message me with your email and I'll drop you a line to see if I can be of any help..and heartbreak...hang in there...it'll work out for the better one way or the other.

ssia

sounds like a little trouble, but having been in similar shoes as him recently I don't know what to tell you...fact is, you'll always have to deal with him talking to the ex wife...she was, after all, his wife....it's a big thing...I don't know if you have been married, but if you haven't, all I can tell you is that I would be more worried if he didn't talk to his ex...best thing to tell you would be to hang in there, as divorce can be hell (which I'm sure you know) and a lot of weird things can happen...there is no rulebook for these situations, you just have to go with with your gut, and, this is important for both parties, risk getting hurt if you think it's worth it....I just lost the love of my life over this because she didn't understand how crapfilled divorce can be (I met her soon after being separated) and started to take it personally, and took for granted what I was dealing with, and as much as I would do anything to change things, I will never apologize for how things were, because that would be discounting what I went through...if he really cares for you, if you care for each other, take the leap and hang in there...you may never be able to forget the bad things, but I'd be willing to bet he will more than make it up to you in the future...I know I would have, and started to actually when the bomb was dropped...going through a divorce can be just like a virus, and eventually you get better....hope that helps a little

So it's been about 2 months since I've had no contact with the ex (see previous posts if you care to, but it's a sad situation) and last Friday I run into her sister...saw her in the store and walked away, and she followed me up to the line...we talked a little, none about the ex, and she seemed ecstatic to see me, said her and her boyfriend wanted to hang out with me and that they had been thinking about calling me that weekend...anyways, told her to call me Sunday and still haven't heard from her...which isn't really a problem...no contact I think should be no contact....problem is...the Thursday before called me at 2am...from her new boyfriends house...didn't leave a message...and I didn't talk to her...so now I want to hang out with her sister just to find out what the heck is up....phone calls like that aren't normal at this point, especially from the new guys house, may even be low class...and fact is, the ex is the love of my life....I really don't know what to do here so any advice would be much appreciated....and I've heard from other sources that that would indicate that I am still a part of her life and not to blow it...but there is nothing really to blow right now.....she ended it because I hurt her going through my divorce, and doesn't really understanded the hell that divorce can be, but is it possible that she's still in love with me..she's been with the new guy for going on four months...ack! the confusion.....

no I didn't talk to her...picked it up un the caller ID in the morning...I did pick up the phone on one of the last rings, but whethere it was him or her they had already hung up. As for the rest I guess I'm just trying to say she seems to be in run and hide mode as she doesn't seem to be in the type of relationship that she said she required

so situation is...my ex and I ended pretty well at first, and then badly when we tried to be friends...badly because I spilled my guts to her and told her I wanted to marry her, which I meant (I've been married, I know what it means) while she was dating a guy 12 years older than her with 3 kids, and in the end, we stopped speaking because she stayed with him (you can't compete for someone, and you shouldn't get in the way of someone elses relationship)....anyways...she emailed me about 2 weeks ago over something more or less benign..didn't respond...and then on Thursday she calls at 2 am from the boyfriends house....and let me preface this next part by saying that I have panic disorder, which means that while I am at where I should be at this point...I've been tweeking all weekend about the "why" of it.....girl calls in this situation, it's either "need" related or a tradgedy...this girl called from her boyfriends house...leaving me with 3 options: 1)she's just plain immature and a little psycho, and she was there alone 2)both of them were there (though from what she said he's out of town most of the week, which was one of the reasons for the breakup, the possibility of a long distance relationship...she didn't want that...or 3)it was the guy (who I sort of know).....question is....what the f#$#....this girl knows that I am in love with her but knows that it ain't the time and why we can't be friends...thats how it ended...I hate to say I told you so but is it possible that somehow I never saw how needy this girl really is (her friends classify her as needing to be with someone...just when we were together I was going through a divorce...she knew the deal...and I thought we had passed that obstacle, however unnatractive it may be) If you read this respond with your gut reaction....I'm just trying to get a consensus here, and as many as possible so I can figure out what the f#$# is going on in her head (background: degree in Psych-so I tend to try and figure things out)...for the first time I have no clue.....respond at will kids.....

tough call on that one...my ex and I stopped speaking about a month ago but tried to remain friends up until that point...about 2 weeks after we broke up...I did just that and swallowed my pride, laid everything out on the line, and now we don't even talk because of that..she actually told me she was still in love with me, and in the end continued dating a guy she had been out with a few times...I guess if you think you can handle the fact that if he rejects your feelings that you probably won't be friends for a good while, go for it, and if you're still not sure definitely wait for him to make the first move...my ex just called at 2am on Thursday from her boyfriends house...not exactly stable behavior...so it may just be regret right now on your ex's part...it happens...so I guess I'm saying definitely let him come to you...if it was real and a good thing...it'll work out in the end.

true, true....and I'm not concerned with speaking with her...don't have anything to say...just strange how she acted completely cold through the breakup, and only when I don't talk to her does she even bother to call...I think she's just confused...I mean, from her BOYFRIENDS house....that's just no good.

I've posted here before about my current situation...basically I am not currently speaking with my ex because she's with someone else among other things, but she knows how I feel and seemed to understand why we couldn't be friends right now. Last night at 2 am she called, from her boyfriends house, who is out of town during the week...I didn't pick up as I was dead asleep and she didn't leave a message...we haven't spoken in a month, so what gives? And from her boyfriends house no less! Any views or opinions on this would be great because as it really doesn't bother me emotionally, I can't really make sense out of it

a little more explanation....there is a substancial and signifigant age difference, and he has 3 kids, been married twice...she has none, hasn't been married...she does seem to see things differently, but, just an opinion, she hasn't "been there"...I have (recently divorced, no kids) ...that and for all intents and purposes, she cheated on him with me at the beginning of their relationship and never really told him her situation (even though he was WELL aware of my presense in her life)...that and she said she wanted to have a family with me someday...while they had been seeing each other for a month...as far as serious...on the surface, too late (though she only sees him on weekends now)...hope that adds a little more specificity to the situation.

when your ex is with someone who she clearly has no real future with, can't tell you that she is in love with him, only that she has feelings for him and enjoys his company, but can't act "normal" around you and knows that you are still madly in love with her. We stopped talking because of the last part....going on one month.

make your feelings known then stand back...it has to come from her

I know where you're coming from flipangel...I've got panic disorder and it had a big part in ruining a really great thing...it can be excruciating for other people to deal with what you have to deal with...the only thing I can say is that you maybe don't want to be with someone who can't deal with your specific problem. It's painful to think someone understood and then find out that they didn't, but sometimes that happens...my ex and I started out as best friends while I was going through a divorce...and 2 weeks after she said we shouldn't see each other for a while, she was dating a man 12 years her senior with 3 kids and it helped me to put in perspective where she was really coming from concerning our relationship...and she turned cold etc...just like your boyfriend...you just have to realize that as good as it was, if they couldn't deal with everything, then it wasn't as good as it could be and will be with someone else...hope that helps...in the meantime hang in there and don't let the world pass you by.

Thanks for the advice on this....I think there is closure to some degree, or that's what I was trying for in not talking to her...it's just painful when she knows how I feel and knows that I hurt her and went into run and hide mode because of it...the most she's been able to tell me about the new guy is that they have alot in common and that she enjoys his company, even when asked point blank if she loves him, she only says she has feelings for him...I can talk to anyone but her at this moment, including my ex wife, who I talk to about her...nothing to do but keep on keeping on I guess and if it works itself out, it works itself out....sucks to lose a best friend and a lover over something so small though...

from experience....there may be a "good" relationship on the surface, but the age gap developmentally is a little bit large...you'll miss out on much...may not see it now, but ....