AlwaysConfused

Sweetheart, I understand where you are coming from. My only advice to you is do what YOUR heart tells you to. (not your boyfriends). It's something that you will probably deeply regret when its over. Infact, I have heard of post tramatic stress disorder due to this operation. I would be very concerned if you decided to do this. I would consider having the child and perhaps adoption if you feel you can not raise a child. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not let the baby father force you into anything. It is such a life changing experience. You need to listen to yourself.

Brett- youre upset because you feel she wont commit- correct? You have a few choices. 1. discuss with her and see if you can change something 2. find someone who will give you what you want in the way of a committed relationship 3. take what she gives you and hope that you can turn it into a serious thing. maybe shes just scared of serious relationships because she doesnt want to be burned so she is just kinda slowly easing in... sounds lame but you never know. if you're seriously in love with her than you will give her the time she needs to start a relationship. If you want her in a relationship now then perhaps you just want a relationship and not a relationship with her.. know what I mean? Good luck.

I definitely agree- talk to your doctor. See what he has to say. But on the other side - everyone is nervous in the beginning. Know that she probably is too and work from there. You could discuss your anxiety with her and perhaps not have more not needed anxiety.

Listen- I was in a similar relationship. You are a great person and don't need that kind of crap. You can find a guy who will love you for you and won't play around with your feelings. SOmething I found out was that if you stay with someone like that and keep taking him back you will eventually start being mean to him just because he keeps hurting you. (no matter how much you dont want to be mean or how its not you to be mean, you will be). Just save yourself a year or more of your life and move on. Show him that you were something great and he was stupid to treat you like he did. He'll learn his mistake and probably come back but dont take him back! Find someone that wont hurt you and love you for you!!! You are worth it!!

That's wonderful! Congrats!!!! Enjoy your summer off!

If you acted so cool around her, she might be mad that you didn't show any sign that you wanted her back. I doubt this made her realize you want her back.

Do you talk to your loved one about your past? In order for one to overcome the experiences of the past, it's better to talk them out. Try to find out what exactly is bothering you and then deal with that. If necessary, talk to a therapist. It would only hurt you more if you lost this relationship due to trouble with your past. Also, try to remember that your loved one wasn't involved in your past, so don't take it out on her.

Keep doing what you're doing. It appears you have a good handle on things, whether or not you want to acknowledge it. AC

I dunno D. It sounds like you resent her alittle bit. It's her life. If she doesn't want to change, unfortunately there isn't much you can do. Because if you try to push her or give her advice and she doesn't want to hear it, you may only alienate her. And you obviously want contact with her. It's good that you gave her help when she needed it. I'm sure she realizes what you did for her. You said multiple times that she avoids conflict. So no, she probably isn't limiting contact due to her children. If you know her as an avoider, then she is probably just doing what comes naturally to her. About the date on the 15th. I think I would just stay on safe topics. You don't know what you want to discuss, you don't know what you want out of a conversation about the relationship - so hold off. Have a good time. Let her feel confident about rebuilding the relationship. Talk about the kids if she wants, work, perhaps your accomplishments with a piano? A walk and food sounds like an easy, enjoyable time. Nothing stressful. Good idea! Just take this one step at a time. Don't push. Don't rush. Work on you. Go to therapy (side note: CODA - codependency therapy?). Continue communication. I, myself, want instant gratification all the time so I do realize how hard this advice is to put into action. But nothing good will come out of rushing this.

Hey Life, I agree that a person needs to depend upon themselves first and foremost. If you can't help yourself through trouble, how can you expect someone else too? I am taking this 'alone' time to better myself. Making the best of this. I didn't mean my earlier post to sound like I was miserable. I am, in fact, doing fine. I just wanted CT to know that she wasn't alone and that some people can understand where she was coming from.

1. Determine why you are vomiting. If you are vomiting because you are upset with not seeing her, that's one thing. But to vomit due to the medications is a problem. The meds are not staying in your system if you are getting sick. Call the doctor and get in there to see them. Change those psych meds. It's okay to have to be put on new ones, people have reactions all the time. 2. If you are unhappy with always making the move, take a step back. I know its the opposite of what you want to do right now, but realize that you can't help this relationship until you can make yourself better. Start to schedule different activities or whatever that you can do to distract yourself. The more you sit around waiting to hear from her, the worse you will feel. So get out! 3. Forgiveness is difficult. If she is an avoider, then she may just avoid you until she feels things are fine and she can forget what happened. Not necessarily forgive because people who avoid don't necessarily forgive. D, again I go back to you going out and doing things. Go visit family (just to say hi, not talk about your bad relationship), visit friends, out to movies, read books, play music, exercise, cook yourself an awesome dinner. Keep yourself busy and you will feel somewhat better.

IMO, I think you are talking about two different things. One is the feeling love and the other is a healthy relationship. I agree that what you need to make a relationship work is honesty, respect and mutual beneficial. However, I think that a person can have the feeling "Love" for another that does not include the above in their relationship.

It's a good sign that she continues to have contact with you. Continue to help yourself and get to know your behavior and coping skills. Continue to have some socialization with her on a weekly base. Don't push things too fast. Although you feel some difference now, having her come back RIGHT NOW will probably only derail any progress you did make. Since she is willing to stick around and communicate with you, I would think that she is trying to get past what you did. But you should look inside yourself and ask if this is a situation that could potentially happen again. If you feel it could, perhaps you should think about getting back with her. If you love her, you shouldn't want to put her and her daughter in a bad situation.

If you are going up to a girl you are interested in then you must believe that you have some common interests with her. So when you say hi and then she looks at you to continue conversation start to talk about something you think you have in common. Maybe a class, a band, a movie, perhaps? Just keep it short the first time. This way you can get used to each other. And approach her another day with something new to say. This way you can build a relationship with each other.

Hi. I'm 23 and I understand how you feel. I know that there is still time to find the love of my life (or something as nice) and that I could just use this time to get my career on its feet and pay attention to me. But I also want to be in a serious relationship- looking at the potential of marriage. Most of my aunts, grandparents and parents were married by my age with children! (I know times have changed and its not a fair comparison but I still feel like I'm falling behind in some way). Our time will come so hang in there!! AC