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popeye

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  1. Dear Toots, The way to begin to find healing to your broken heart is by letting go. You loved him enough to let him go have his life. It is unjustified considering that you've loved him all along, but he has deceived you behind your back. Healing takes place in a few steps, and ultimately true healing comes when 1) you can hear him apologize (say I'm sorry, which is likely he won't, because he's on cloud nine), and he does come around, allow a "good friend" pure plutonic loving friendship to bloom between you two. To begin healing, and this is one of the most difficult part of it all (well, they all are), is to accept your responsiblity. The fault may not be entirely his, and there were proably tell-tale signs of incompatibility from the start which you might have tried to deny along the way, etc. If you can really think back and have the courage to face it, you are on the road to true recovery. None of these bull-crap thing on "keeping yourself busy with activities, etc." that only masks the problem. it doesn't bring true healing. Secondly, read the book, "The Road Less Traveled", by Scott M. Peck. It is a very "painful" book to read and could take months to get through, but that's okay. You need time to grieve and mourn for yourself, your past and your ex-relationship. Take however long you need, but don't take forever. Don't forget to get back on your toes, because there is so much more to life. One day, let me know how you are and if that worked for you, because that worked for me. Inner healing comes from taking a good look at yourself and say, "ah-ha, that needs to go, and that needs to change". If you can accomplish that, you're on the road to true happiness... Take care. Popeye (the Sailor goes sailing....)
  2. dear perpl, your happiness counts here, if you are not happy within, you can't make someone else happy. Sounds like this person has got some great astounding need to be so critical of someone else and your self-esteem is being affected and compromised here. Positive people encourage, lift you up, etc. But negative people destroy every bit of goodness and kindness in a person....you can't save these kind of people....they have to save themselves, and most importantly, YOU have to save yourself. Get out while you can....it's not healthy for you. popeye
  3. Dear ghsmf, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. You have the right to feel angry. I don't think the question is about forgiveness anymore. I think it's a matter of compatibility of values. When she left the relationship or broke up with the engagement the first time, it gave you an opportunity to see what she really like, and I believed you didn't like what you saw, because you wouldn't have done so otherwise yourself, e.g. sleeping or "experimenting" with someone else. I don't think it is a "fear of committment" that drove her the other way, there were other reasons, and she probably feel that you may not be the "type" of guy that she is looking for (not necessary your fault, coz' there is such a thing called "incompatiblity" and it's very common), and "marrying" is definitely NOT the solution to solve an "incompatility" problem... in fact, it just might make it worse especially if you guys have kids in the future! so please, please don't beat yourself up for it. If you could see or narrow it down that it is a compatibility of values in the both of you, the answer is very clear and that's the beauty of an engagement...you can still break it off, before the big "M". Good luck at finding out the truth.... popeye
  4. Dear blahblah, I think your girlfriend is saying that she doesn't want "love" to be just a luvy-duby, cloud-nine kind of feeling (that's called "infactuation", which doesn't last). I think she is saying that she wants something deeper, more fulfilling, the meeting and connecting of two minds.... Probably you should ask her what she means by that, and compare our notes to hers....good luck. popeye
  5. Dear shelli, I am going to attempt to answer the question.... I could fully understand how you feel about your worries. Please take good care of yourself and the baby inside you right now. Stress on yourself right now is also stress on the baby as well. Take good care. Marriage works both ways. A healthy marriage is where two person fulfill each other's needs...(mental, physical, emotional, etc.). I am going to ask a question straight out - is he having a flicker of heart elsewhere outside the home? popeye
  6. Flirting is about perspective. If you like a guy/gal, every single move he/she does is magnified 10 times and we'll start examining under the microscope, oh, what does he/she mean when he/she does this or that? But it's also the most exciting time of not knowing if that person really liked you or not, right? Well, it is....the suspense and mystery... Take it as it comes.... if you two were meant to be with each other, opportunities in life will arise, and you'll meet and you have a match.... Meanwhile, enjoy the attention that someone is showering you with! Have fun! popeye
  7. Dear Chibi_usagi_noodles, Sounds like you are in tune with your inner senses than what a lot of people can do....i think it's called the gift of "sixth sense" or psychic-ness. I think it's a good gift, and you should harvest it, but not get all "paranoid" or too extreme with it. Sometimes this "sixth sense" can come in very handy at times of danger, so I wouldn't brush this special gift you have aside because you just never know, your "sixth sense" might come to your rescue when you really need it. Again regarding your dream about your boyfriend, it could be a sub-conscious thing or truth that you know, but have time and time again refused to admit it. Maybe afterall, your senses are shouting out to you that he's not the right guy, but your mind is trying to convince you otherwise, because you have no one else in your life at this moment, and you're afraid you might lose him, and you might not find anyone else. Did i hit or miss the jackpot?? Sift things through and sometimes it's good to listen to your inner senses because in a world of confusion, we sometimes need to let our sixth sense do the talking.... Take it easy, Popeye
  8. Dear Johndoe2112, When you have found and "fixed" yourself, your self-esteem and confidence will exude from within, and women will automatically be drawn to you, without you having to look too far. Finding a relationship is not the solution to everything (in fact, it's quite the opposite). One friend once crudely told me - if you are rotten goods, and you enter into a relationship, most likely you'll drag the other person along with you, and the relationship won't last. Painfully, I think there's some truth to that. Try to "fix" and make a life of yourself first, (you may ask how? ...), and the missing puzzles of your life will fall in its right place, at the right time. "You can't hurry love...." - Phil Collins popeye
  9. Dear Browneyes76, I'll have to agree with all the ladies/gentlemen who have replied to your forum. This chance you have given him, and he still hasn't "changed" as he promised, most likely he never will. The chances of "a leopard" changing its spots are very slim, it may "fade" over a long, long time, but it's either he has the qualities you are looking for in a spouse, or he DON"T. It's not fair to "make" him change, because he could expect the same from you, except he may not be doing his part (which has proven in this case). Nonetheless, how is your son taking it? Regards, Popeye
  10. Dear Brave, I'll have to agree with Swingfox. Go make a life for yourself first, because good things will come later in life. Good luck, Popeye the Sailor man
  11. Dear Brave, You can't jam a rectangle into an oval shaped. Open your hand and let it go....letting go is one of the most difficult and challenging thing to learn., but once you've mastered it, you can deal with almost everything. That's life's lesson... Be Brave! =) Popeye
  12. Dear Brave, Life sometimes is not about who likes who, or who dumps who. It is about what kind of life lessons we gain from a bad experience, e.g. did it make you a better person? bigger person? etc..... it's all about opening up our minds to look at things from a different perspective. Feeling hurt is part of growing and it's normal. You mourn a little, feel depress a little, it's okay. But bottom line is you have to know when enough is enough because it is NOT healthy to continue this forever. Life MOves on.... and You have to move on, because ultimately it is YOUR life that counts...what you make out of it. You need to BUILD a life, and if someone special comes along in the future, you have YOURSELF to promote, not a plastic mold of someone else.... Anyway, hope this helps. Have a good life! Popeye
  13. Dear cs20thcenturyfox, I really feel for you especially when a small child is involved. Basically, you feel that your needs are not met, and you feel that your arm has to be twisted in order to give in to his needs. Love shouldn't make you feel like you're "pressured" into doing something you do not wish. If it does, that's not real love. It's called selfish "self" love - he loves himself more than anybody else, and takes in no consideration for your well-being, yourself, etc. Don't feel guilty, when he makes you feel as though you are responsible for his "unhappiness". He probably wants out of the relationship, but a little too afraid to bring it up. This is something you'll have to decide and search the answer deep within yourself. Can you live with this situation for the rest of your life and sacrifice your own happiness? If this continues, it's just a matter of time that one of you are going to have an extramatrital affair because we the emotional void in your lives are not filled, and that's not the solution either. Now that you have a small child to consider, sometimes on the long-run, it might be better for the small child to not grow up in a family like that, because unfortunately, he's going to learn to be like the "daddy". Children learn with their eyes, not with their ears and they learn by example, and they learn fast! If that's the way "daddy" shows "love" to mommy by being demanding, then I can do the same to my future wife. Ultimately, you'll have to be thinking of your son's "future" family happiness as well. Is the father living by good example for your son to follow and grow? If he isn't, then you might have to start thinking of a backup plan. For example, after being aware of the situation, can you put up with the situation for another 6 months to 1 year, and work, until you have enough savings, etc. What about your child, etc.? Can you guys work things out? To fill the empty void in your life, make sure you have a good, supportive circle of friends and family around you, and find love WITHIN yourself first, so that you could be the good "mommy" your son deserves to have. Just somethings to ponder on.....pray hard.
  14. Dear Theirlaw, I admire your strength and patience in your love for your wife. Not a whole lot of men could do that these days. When you've given your best, and if you still truly love your wife, sometimes loving also means letting go and setting it free. Someone once quoted to me, "If you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you, it's yours to keep. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be". I wish you luck and happiness.
  15. I'll have to agree with simulacra on that. It does sound like a case of incompatibility. Can't be jamming two pieces of a puzzle together that doesn't fit, eventually one piece will pop up.
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