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hardcharger

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About hardcharger

  • Birthday 10/17/1958

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  1. i don't think divorce is always the best options, but for sure in many cases it is! every case is different, having a terrible short marriage with no kids is a good reason to get a divorce instead of prolonging the agony for both of you. good luck in your new life.
  2. it is likely that your sex life with her will dwindle to every couple months after you are married it is extremely unlikely that your sex life with her will get better it is extremely likely that a poor sex life will put great stress on your marriage and make it difficult, there will be repercussions besides "no sex" for you. your intimacy will suffer and there will be a ripple effect, it will be more important over time. (unless you make it to your 50's)
  3. i read your previous post and with no children and a short marriage, maybe it is better getting out right now rather than spending the rest of your life with not chance of togetherness. But then as kermit said if you are having doubts and are indecisive maybe now is not the time. marriage is rough for a lot of us. but "out of love", i don't know how much i believe in love, i believe in marriage being a partnership more than love, a committment to each other, but then again my wife thinks i'm an insensitive brute with no feelings. but i try to make it work.
  4. it is not a simple "am I better off with our without this guy" because when you marry, you enter into a covenant with society. society has created marriage and made it somewhat difficult to get out of it because there are positive benefits to staying together and is often detrimental to society to get divorced. Look at different cultures, those that have less divorce and more stable families are often stronger and weathier. the kids usually benefit from parents staying together and so do the grandkids and everyone else you know. there are many watching you, if you get divorced it makes it easier for them to get divorced too. Of course I would love to drop my wife and go out sleeping with all kinds of different women. I am sure that I could find someone who understands me better and has more in common than my wife. I am completely sick of the bull*** she puts me through every day. Of course! Most of the people I know are in that situation. If everyone who that THEY would be better off got a divorce then instead of a 50% divorce rate it would be 80 or 90%, quite easily. I am not totally against divorce and I might be in that situation myself someday. I absolutely know cases where divorce was the best long run outcome for all directly involved. With no kids it is and should be an easier decision. Less people are affected. I am in my late 40's and I am literally Shocked by the number of 20 year marriages that I see falling apart, with mainly women starting the divorce and doing the filing. It seems like i have all these friends who are blindsided by women just tired of it all and wanting to start all over, and taking the money and running. Are the cirucmstances such as there is not reconcilliation possible? If he is all nice and "sweetie" to you, do you just want to change men like a pair of shoes!
  5. you are 18, and he wants to sleep with your 50 yr old mom? this boy is a loser and trouble!!! there will be no good out of a continued relationship with him. he will be cheating on you in no time. save yourself a lot of grief, find someone else.
  6. many men have a regular sex drive which needs to be fulfilled. each partner has his duties in a relationship and when you marry, one of your responsibilities is your husbands penis. how you take care of that is up to you and is a Huge unspoken(often) determining factor in the happiness of a marriage. Hopefully your man will fulfill his responsibilities, providing for his family, doing his part of the household chores, try to fulfill wives needs and be Respectful to his wife. A women should try to do her part and accept the fact of her mans needs and try to fulfill them while maintaining her own self-respect. Most men I know are happy with oral sex and if that is not possible a hand job will do. Next time you are having relations with your husband, check the clock, taking 10 minutes out of your day will go a long way in keeping your husband happy and will strengthen your relationship with him and increase the closeness. Don't deny the obvious.
  7. I do not like the "teen" part!! The only question mark here, is this truly underage porn, then that could be a problem for dad. But I think it is best you forget about it, do your best to keep it private. It probably doesn't mean much, unless there are other signs that worry you.
  8. >If you're looking at porn while married, or in a bf/gf relationship, it's proof there's something wrong with your relationship that is one of the silliest things i've ever heard!! I remember finding my dads stash many years ago. totally typical, totally normal, like dancing or having a beer now and then. What do you want? Sexually frustrated men harassing their women/wives all the time? The unfortunate fact is that our women/wives are not always at our beck and call, and what they "think" might be some warped, selfish desire is simply an act of nature that we can not stop! That is how the creator made it.
  9. i can't believe what I'm reading. I don't like the stuff about teen porn but for a grown, married man to look at pornography is 100% normal, 100% Normal, 100% normal!!! I do and so do my intimate 40ish male friends. It sounds like most of the messages here are from younger folks who don't realize that a mans sex drive doesn't stop, even though frequently for various reasons, sex decreases in a marriage with time. Frequently that is the fault of the woman not being interested for one reason or another. The man needs an outlet and pornography is a simple facilitator of that outlet. The sad truth is that I would not be surprised to find that studies show that >50% of men in their 40's masturbate regularly. That is just how it is. Accept it. Don't worry about it. Nothing needs to be fixed. Kiddie porn is a big no no and there is a problem and it is illegal for a reason because their are child victims. But discovering your fathers pornography "stash", This is one of the secrets you are uncovering of life, that's all! Like the secret of your 65 years old parents giving each other oral sex, sounds disgusting, but is normal. (we can all hope! for it)
  10. >too much love I think it is definitely possible. Love is a funny thing. Love just doesn't mean that you satisfy the current needs and accept all behavior and make everything "all ok" in the present. Parenting and child raising ALL has to be done with the future in mind, how is this kid going to turn out, is he going to be able to face the cold, cruel world when he leaves the nest and is no his own. Now saying all that, the kid is only two years old, and obviouly at this age needs to feel accepted and secure in this world. That is #1 for now. Probably most of the replies above were from woman, and that is why kids need a mommy and a daddy, children need both sides of the story when growing up. Woman can tend to be too loving and accepting and guys, well, like guys are, hopefully the child is raised somewhere in between. But what do I know, my wife has totally dominated the child rearing in my house and each kid has turned out totally different.
  11. well anyway, my mom agreed with me all along! LOL.
  12. turns out my suspicions where correct. the girls were caught saturday nt, supposedly sleeping at my daugthers friends house, they instead were out all night(age 16 & 15), luckily for the first time in many months we spoke to other girls mother and they were caught. of course there is much more, likely marijuana use, diet pills, drinking, dating older boys. it is all bad. luckily my wife is now with me 100% that there needs to be some brakes applied to this behavior.
  13. some of what you've said made alot of sense Avman. But understand this, many parents who have "families" that I admire with kids this age, would NEVER EVER let this go on as long as it did. >Perhaps her friend needs your daughter as a helpful influence in her life and maybe your family can provide a safe place for her to be and where she can go if she is in trouble. I have hardly any idea on what is going on at this other girls home, I do wonder where and why her mother can not participate in any of the running around, and why her mother seems to think it is fine if she stays day after day at my house. I don't think our family is having any influence whatsoever on this friend, because we don't interact with her. See, this all hit home after a trip a month ago, when i spent time with this kid and saw how terribly immature she is for her age. And as far as my daughter having influence on this other kid, no, it is otherwise, ever since she has come around here, my daughter has only gone DOWNHILL in many different ways. This kid has been a very bad influence, and again, I am not trying to break up the friendship, just putting some realistic limits on it. I live in this house, we have always been open to having kids friends over, much more than other parents, realize that first and foremost, we drive must more than other parents,(somewhat country setting), again first and foremost. Doesn't anyone here think I have some right to my Privacy of the household I created without having some bad influence moving in on my weekends, seeing her walking around in her p.j.'s on a sat afternoon in my refrigerator, hardly giving me the time of day? I am not the bad man I might seem to be. I would like to see how many people have done the driving and kid sitting i have.
  14. re: sticky I'm sorry note. that means there is hope. Now don't you play games with him. Marriage can be terrible with no way out but divorce, esp when one sides has to be totally right. He backed down, that is beautiful!!! I built a house too with my wife and I know how it can be, his comment was uncalled for, there will be more to come. But if he has the courage to say "i'm sorry" that means everything, accept it and try to move forward.
  15. i am glad to get the advice of your ladies, but i don't think you really get it. first of all i am not some insensitive man. I employ 10 women and have for 20 yrs. but I don't think anyone here understands that who you hang around plays a very big role in how you turn out in life. we are not just what we are because of random events. prior to this girl, my daugther had great friends, all whom brought some "light" into my house. Now my daugther has this very tight friend, and guess what, all those "good" kids are out of the picture and made fun of. To me the sleeping together just means their blood is mixing more and more. What about Ann's family? All i know is that parents are getting divorced and mom is likely alcoholic. Why does Ann's mom NEVER drive these kids anywhere? never, where is she? Doesn't anyone here think that might affect the kind of kid Ann is? I do, and I can see it. Oh, how I would love to be the hero and play father to Ann, give her advice, share some laughs etc. It never happens. What really happened here is that one month ago I took my daughter, Ann and another kid on a 3 day trip where I was with the kids 24/7, that really opened my eyes to the negative influence this Ann is having on my kid. It is just a simple matter of looking at the facts. I can't pick my childs friends, and with my family situation with my lenient wife, I can't forbit my kids from hanging with Ann, but I can certainly put a "reasonable" lid on it. They don't need to be together 24/7, that simple. There can be boundaries. What is so hard about that. The sleeping together is just a small part of it, and I guess one way for me to drive a very small wedge between these maturing women. Isn't is great, my daugther is in a nice school district, and I was always driving her to good kids houses from respectable families, now I am driving her and dropping her off 15 miles away to families/kids I know nothing about. These kids are up to no good, someone has to let them know there are better directions to take in life.
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