bellamcb

Without knowing why you guys broke up it's hard to offer advice. I do see why you'd be so confused though. Is it possible to contact him just asking what his purpose was? What is he trying to tell you? That sort of thing. Sometimes people are able to express themselves better with gifts etc., but for me at least, it's the words that count the most- the spoken words. You need some clarity on what he is doing/meaning. Again- I don't know why you broke up so it's hard to know. I wish you the best though.

"She will be mine one day." Okay- settle down. Sounds like she is totally into you. That isn't a way to talk about anyone. "He seems to think I am just not thinking straight because I went 9 years with no sex. It's getting on my nerves. I get tired of his wisecracking." It makes some sense. Again, I think she's into you but your friends were irritated because you couldn't stop talking/asking about her.....that should tell you to relax a little. Enjoy this time. "I feel like I have to see her again. I have talked to her on AIM a few times, but that isn't the same as being around her. I have been having dreams about her too. Everyone keeps telling me to wait and see what happens, and I know she is worth waiting for, it's just frusterating. I want to call her at her sister's house." Yes- you want to see her but she's getting out of a bad relationship. She doesn't need to be smothered and she will be better off if you let her take some time. Let it happen naturally. Don't pester her. Just my thoughts.

This is such an issue between me and my friends! I for one, always offer to pay. Well I used to because I'm married now but only since November. I agree with others who point out that women often make as much as men and times have changed. I'm guessing that whatever jokes were made regarding you paying your share didn't go over well. They made things uncomfortable....which is why he was reluctant to walk you to the train (was it a train?). Look, ladies- being treated like a lady doesn't mean we are supported. In fact, I'm not sure we know what it means and I'm certain most men don't know what it means. Some women don't like doors opened for them, some do. Some women like men to stand up when a woman stands up, some women find that insulting. We want equal rights and equal pay. We should share the burden of dating. Now- to qualify these statements: I like to be treated like a lady too- but that means I like to be regarded as feminine. I want him to cater to me when I'm sad, and to hold my chair out, hold the door open, kill spiders and just generally take the "man" role when I need him to. Also, I have been lucky in that I make a lot of money and have since I was 25 or so. So, that could taint things for me. But, my husband makes far less than I do.....and I'm totally fine with that. I really have been lucky and have a graduate degree etc., which not everyone has the luxury of pursuing. And finally- for me paying for dinner, with friends or anyone always has come down to who could pay what. I am not a fan of "dutch" so I've always done, "I'll get this" knowing that he (she/friends) will get it next time. I think ultimately if we talked to the date he would say something about the jokes made regarding her paying for her meal. He could be a complete idiot....he could really have cared about the $4......which is so lame....but he could also have just been fishing to see what she thought about pitching in, in which case her response didn't sit so well.

Absolultey agree. This has to stop. You need to tell your husband of your feelings of alienation from him. Focus these energies on your marriage. This pseudo relationship is a mistake.

I still disagree with that line of thinkig. If he doesn't tell her she doesn't know. The comments keep coming back to how she can't trust him right now, which is factually incorrect. She can and she does. If he tells her, all the things said will be true. If he doesn't, she'll go on as she did. Either way- it's his decision.

Well, I'm right there with you because mine was the 16th. Different situations though- I'm hoping to be pregnant. Give it a couple of days and if nothing happens, go get a test. I suspect you're okay.

She doesn't have to make that decision if he doesn't tell her. The trust and respect will be lost only if he tells her. At this point- she CAN trust him, which is my point. He made a mistake. I'm not in any way advocating what he did or minimizing the pain it would cause her but does she have a right to know? I'm not sure if she wants to know but he's going to make that decision for her if he tells her. She has no say in the matter. Believing what he said, that there is no way that she will find out, I do think it's fair to keep her in the dark. It is fair to not completely ruin her for the next however many months and to cause her to question every future relationship for years to come. He destroyed the trust and respect between them only in HIS eyes and in OUR eyes. She has no idea. She is walking around all happy and excited to be moving in with him. Regarding stds, I am assuming he used protection (he may have said this) and although nothing is 100 percent, I think if he used a condom he can be reasonably sure he's okay. But he is making the decision for her about whether she needs to make the decision. There is a big difference. She is not living a lie. HE is. She is fine. The values and promises are not completely eroded. He made a mistake. We all make mistakes and no we shouldn't be judged by them and yes I'm sure most of us wish nobody knew about them. I'm sure there are some out there that have "secret" mistakes that they would never tell anyone about. He didn't do anything illegal, he most likely didn't do anything to harm her health and he clearly loves her. Assuming he's legitimately going to change his ways, then I really believe she's better off not knowing. In fact, he's better off if he tells her but I'm thinking about her. If she never ever finds out and they stay together, or break up in the course of normal relationship life, then so be it. At least she wasn't totally destroyed and hurt in the process.

I wear glasses every so often- to things like movies and to drive (I'm near sighted). Never heard anything but compliments from men. Never! In fact, I consider getting the lasic surgery but my husband loves the glasses. If I had to wear them all the time....would get the surgery. But like I said, to answer your question, I think they've been a real turn on to men.

When was your last period? Typically women don't get pregnancy symptoms so early- meaning the appetite and stuff. Sore breasts are a decent indicator but they also come with pms. Don't forget too that stress can delay your period. If your period is actually late- just go buy a test and get it over with.

What was he like when you met? When you were first married? Was this always a problem? If the answer is yes, then it doesn't sound like he is going to change. However, you could still try to remember what he was like and what attracted you to him to the point of marrying him. If the answer is no, then can you think of anything significant that has changed that would cause this silence? Is he this way with the kids, too? Obviously nobody wants to be in a relationship where you don't feel heard or feel any connection. This is unhealthy and not good for anyone. The kids pick up on this stuff and obviously you don't want them growing up thinking this is normal. Kids typically learn what is "normal" from their parents, whether they take it on and mimic it or they do the opposite- it does impact them.

You don't need to tell her. I'm sorry to disagree with everyone else (well mostly everyone) but it is going to kill her (assuming she's as in love as you describe). If you can 100 percent KNOW that you will never, ever do it again, don't tell her. You made a big, giant stupid mistake. She shouldn't suffer. Once she finds out, she will question every single time you are away- what are you doing, where are you going, why are you late? If you feel tempted to do it again then tell her but I hope before you allow her to move in, you really can know in your heart that you won't. If not, then tell her. She does not deserve to hear this stuff....knowing this about you will not enlighten her to who you really are. Everyone: think about your biggest, dumbest mistake for a minute: does that define you? do you want to be judged by this forever by the people that know and love you? do you regret it and know that you will never do it again? it was a mistake!! He screwed up. If he's truly sorry, this is the end of it. She doesn't need to suffer.

At 16, I'm finding it hard to believe you're an authority on what women are attracted to. What does your girlfriend say? Hmmm? This article really is meant to soothe the egos of those that can't get women and want to blame it on the nice guys (or anyone else apparently), that can. It's just hilarious and so transparent.

So assanine! An idiot wrote this. An angry, jealous, petty idiot who is trying to make excuses for being an a**hole.

I don't know why you have to tell her. If you are never gong to do it again and you are sure she's never going to find out, the only thing you're going to accomlish is relieving your guilt while simultaneously crushing her. Make it up to her by being 100 percent faithful and loving.

You obviously had some part in creating the baby so take responsibility for it. I am supportive of you and your problems but if she is pregnant, then your needs take a back seat.....as they should.