ms anthrope

i think your gut was accurate on this one TOTALLY. my best friend is also a guy. but i sure as hell dont treat him like that. whenever he has a gf...he introduces me as his best friend. i know they get a little jealous at first...but after getting to know me...realize im not remotely a threat. but i would NEVER throw fits over what he does for his gf and why had never done that for me. and if i knew they were out together or hanging out...i wouldnt bother him with phone calls. i basically give him lots and lots of space and talk to him a lot...but not so much that it intrudes on his relationship with his gf. also, i go out with him and his gf and would take my bf with me. and im VERRRY affectionate with my bf kinda thing. i think those two have issues and they were unfortuneately putting you in the middle. not fair at ALL to you.

look at her profile again on link removed to notice things that she put down and expound on them. also, i love to talk about music and my favorite bands...maybe talk about that or things you know you have in common with her.

youre prob really jealous because youre insecure. you prob need a lot of reassurances that your bf does indeed love you and that he is trustworthy. i understand feeling this way but you may need to try harder to keep yourself in check and not go overboard. i have also seen relationships fizzle because the other person was just too jealous. this DID cause the other person to seek out others because the jealousy was too much. it was like because she was so insecure and paranoid her bf did eventually leave her. he later told her it was because she pushed him to another. maybe he just used that as an excuse also. it's just ive also heard that excuse several times and so i wonder how much truth is in it. anybody else heard this?

i lost a lot of weight. it's important to exercise ANNND diet. what you eat should be lots of low fat proteins like baked chicken and fish. try to cut out all sugars and lower your complex carb intake dramatically (breads, rice, etc). also, try to drink 1/2 gallon to 1 whole gallon of water a day....drinking lots of water also helps make your metabolism go faster. try to do minimum 30 min of cardio workout every other day. good luck!

Thank you Joey. I appreciate the support. I do hope to move on with my life and I hope Im in a better place months from now. It's hard not to be mad at him for just up and leaving me. I feel so abandoned and uncared for. I dont know how i can trust anyone right now as even a close friend. I truly believed no one in the world loved me more and that he was the last person in the world that would hurt me. I cant believe this is now the reality of it all. ms

i hate this so much. 5 years ago i met the sweetest guy id ever known. i was dating someone at the time and he is 7.5 years younger than me. he became my best friend and we were for 3 years. he fell in love with me and after a while i fell back in love with him. i was still with my bf though but eventually broke things off with him so that i could be with the one that was my best friend and love. because i knew him so well...i knew he had a lot of problems. he's been suicidal off and on for years. and i was his only true friend for years also. we broke up though because he wanted out....he said he loved me but wasnt in love with me. he suffers from low self esteem also. he told me he cheated on me and cared for another. she was his roommate's gf. she ended up not leaving him her bf but they stayed close friends. ive tried very hard to stay best friends with him....but over the past year...he's become more and more distant. he says he still loves me and cares for me but he wants me out of his life altogether because i need too much for him and that he cant make me happy with who he is now. ive tried moving on with another guy but to keep him as my friend. well he told me two weeks ago he didnt want to know me anymore. he said he needed his space and that maybe in the future...MAAAYBEE we'd talk again. im so devastated. i love him so much. after two weeks i wanted to know how he was doing and if he missed me. i called him and in front of two of his friends (his ex-roommmate and the girl he cheated with) he told me to just go. that he didnt want to fight anymore and that he didnt know if he was going to talk to me but because i wont let him go....he doesnt know how he can. he yelled at me to get on with my life...pretty much do anything but dont include him. it feels like he doesnt care. and im sooo hurt because i still care for him. i told him i hated him and that i wished id never met him and that i never want to hear from him again and slammed the phone down. i cant believe i lost my best friend. no one knew me better. and despite the fact i told him to eff off....i wish he cared enough to not want to go. i wish he cared. he used to love me so much. after a period of time....is it remotely possible he will feel bad and come back?

hi im rather sad...and have been for over a year. the love of my life left. we were having serious problems and he has a terribly low self-esteem problem that doesnt allow him to love himself much less anyone close to him including me (now) and his family. he said he used to be very in love with me...but now he only loves me...not in love with me. we tried being friends for a year...but it was torture for the both of us. it was hard for me to see him move on while i still did everything to try and save us. when he finally insisted i leave altogether...even as best friends...it's been hard for me and him. he says he still cares about me and misses me. i havent talked to him in two weeks hoping that he'll miss me and want me back. what i truly need though is a story where the ex needed space and got it and then eventually wanted back. anyone...please share. i need hope. i still love him so much. ms

well you answered my questions pretty much exactly like how i thought you would. first let me tell you im going through pretty much the exact same thing. it's hard...it's painful....overwhelming. ive had to see a therapist to get through this. it's still not easy but it might help you to understand why she is doing this. i'll explain to you best i can what my therapist said. i believe a lot applies to you also. the keywords you mentioned to me were, low self-esteem, that she had tried to take her life before, not close emotionally to anyone. my guy has those same problems. he "loves" his family but he doesnt ever have to see them...even ever again. much less hear from them. his self-esteem is extremely low despite how anyone sees him or thinks of him. and he's tried to commit suicide once before and almost did 2/3 other times before that. whether you realize it or not...your gf needs counseling. im not too sure what her problem is but i suspect manic depression or bi-polar depression. thing is...you know all this about her and still love her. much like myself. i know my guy has problems...and i see him for what he is...and i still love him more than anything in the world. but when you tell someone like that how much they mean to you...and do a lot of nice things...it backfires. they feel undeserving of gifts and love and sweet gestures. it's almost like the nicer you are...the more it backfires against you. frustrating to say the least. what she is going through right now is that she doesnt know how to love you. if she cant love herself ...she cant love anyone else. she doesnt know how to handle these feelings so instead of handling them...it's easier to go away sometimes. trust me though...either way is torture for them. she needs to resolve these issues with a therapist. if she is able to...she will be able to be loved by you. she is probably missing you immensely right now. give her time though to sort her shit out. if it was meant to be...she'll come back. but you can tell her how much she means and how much she loves you....and it wont make a difference since she has to in her own timeframe...it cant be forced. another thing....since i strongly believe she has issues...she maybe able to learn to deal with them...but if you plan to love her for the long haul....you have to realize that you will be dealing with these problems for the rest of her life. this MMMAAAY not just be a phase with her...it may be a cycle that will come back. so you have to decide if you can withstand these blows over and over. also, being that she is also young...she might be going through the phase that she wonders what else is out there. that might add on to your waiting. the best thing you can do is get on with your life. try not to dwell on the past. if she comes back...dont expect things to be the same like how they were. it will be different but it could be better. try not to be judgemental to her. she will leventually ove you immmensely if you can not judge her and love her unconditionally. i hope the best for you. believe me...im going through the exact same hell...and i know it hurts all the time. everyday. and i know you'd do ANYTHING to help her. but you have to realize that she has to save herself. until then...work on you. my guy emailed me yesterday just to let me know he cares about me and worries about me and misses me. but he also asked me to not email him. we havent been talking or emailing each other so for me to get a letter out of the blue felt wonderful. he is inching his way back. and i know it will be slow....but damn i will be here still. i know it...i just love him so much. he has to. it's this belief that i have that keeps me going from one day to the next. hope springs eternal. ms

i have a few questions for you before i say anything. is she close to anyone...including family? does she suffer from depression, manic depression or bi-polar depression? has she ever loved anyone else? does she see her family often? thanks...ms

sounds like you are going through the worst part. hang in there. she very well may still love you. but she is very young. and since she is still in high school...she hasnt experienced dating much. most people that havent dated much end up wondering what else is out there. it's normal...it happens and it sucks for the person on the other end. about the most i can say is maybe some time alone will make her miss you and make her realize that what she wanted all along was with her this whole time. you cant tell her this...she has to find this out on her own. i hope your waiting period isnt long and i hope you get an answer soon. ms

im truly sorry. this has to be crushing for you. how old are you? i dont know if she is going to come back around. if she does...it's going to take time. since you were each other's first...she may be wondering what else is out there. she might be having a wondering eye and want to try someone else. she will find out though either you were the one or you werent. she will either find someone else that more matches her or she will realize how great you were and want you back. im sorry to say this but it will take some time. be patient. if it was meant to be then she will come back to you. but what she is going through is just part of young adulthood development. she needs to know if you truly are the one. this is something she has to do. it's like the movie A Perfect Storm with george clooney. she knows there's a hurricane out there and she knows it's dangerous and she knows she is possibly going to hurt everyone that gets involved...but she goes anyway. good luck. ms

im in your exact same situation. the best thing i can tell you is this is going to be the hardest part for you. the waiting. because in the waiting period....you dont know if he is coming back...you dont know why he is doing this...you dont know what is going on in his mind....you feel abandoned since he isnt thinking of you....you want to die at the thought of him not coming back...you get mad at him off and on throughout the day...but then you go back to missing him too....you dont understand why he has to do this to you when you love him so much and you dont ask much from him...you'd be more than willing to help him through his problems. i know...im still in that exact same situation. it hurts and it feels like desperation on and off throughout the day. sooooo im going to tell you what ive had to do. i found out more than ever that he's the one despite his flaws. and the hardest thing ive had to do is the ultimate sacrifice. i have to let him go. i have to trust the process that if he truly does love me and wants to be with me in the future...he will come back to me when he's better. but you cant have a relationship with him if he's going through problems of his own. i know you say it's selfish of him to do this to you if he truly loves you...and the most i can tell you is that if he is doing this to you it's because it's a last resort. he has no choice but to do this. and the only way your relationship will be salvaged is if he fixes himself first...realizes it was you all along...and comes back to you. you cant force it. you CAN get on with your life and be as healthy mentally as you can be because that is something he will want to go back to. YOU CAN work on you for awhile...go out with your friends, go shopping, get a hobby. if you believe you two were meant to be and he ends up realizing it...he will come back. but try not to think of him as selfish. if he loves you then i can assure you he misses you...he's miserable...he worries still...he's disappointed in himself...he's trying to get better. he isnt being selfish...he's trying to save himself. he cant love anyone if he cant love himself first...he wont feel worthy of your love till he realizes he is. ms

im not saying you will DEFINTELY get her back. but you do have a chance. you truly do need to give her her space. she needs to know what life will be like without you. if she truly loved you...she will miss you and be miserable and she will come to the realization that she needs you in her life and she will come back. she needs to come to this conclusion on her own though. you cant tell her and you cant be begging her back or try to force the issue. that will backfire on you. what you have to do is get your life in order...that will make you seem more attractive. i understand why you lied to her...you wanted her to care about you. but you need to get over your lying and your insecurity issues. she needs to be able to love you for you...not a fictional you. and since she knows the "ugly" truth now...if she still loves you for you...then work with that. your relationship will be different...but it has the potential to be better because you will feel loved by someone that accepts you for you and not someone you have to act to be. give her time though. let her process this on her own timeframe. i hope the best for you. ms

the advice your gf is true. work on your issues. let her work on yours. she CAN fall back in love with you. all relationships go in a circle in a sense that sometimes it gets worse but it usually comes back around. look at the relationship you have with just your parents....sometimes you cant stand them...but you always go back to loving them. and so on and so on. but you have to change your anger issues for her to come back around. and she will if she sees a difference. but before ANYTHING...you two need good communication. that's why it's important to be just friends right now but DONT talk about each other's issues. that will only makes things worse and you'll argue. DO NOT EVER AGAIN throw the one night stand in her face....no matter how badly you want to. you will regret it. if you truly forgive her for that action then you have to move past it. and to truly forgive her for it means you have to let it go. you will never move past that as a couple if you continue to have actions like that. maybe she is doubting that she wants to end up with someone like that....that is why you must work on yourself. ms

im sorry. and i do know what youre going through. my ex is someone i love dearly...more than anyone and anything. it's hard to prove to someone by words. it truly does take action and time and MAYBE you'll get another opportunity. just like how youve said youve dated and realized more than ever that she was the one. she too has to go through that to find out that you were truly the one also. during this time you need to get your life in order so that if she does go back...she will realize she is going back to the old dependable you and not the drug using you. you need to be independent and show her that you are the person she met and loved a long time ago. but that takes time. if you two were truly meant to be...then it will happen. but you must realize that this is risky and that you or her or both might have life take you in different directions. the only chance you have right now is for her to do some soul searching and find out it was you all along. what's good is that your sister talks to her. hopefully your sister will mention your progress from time to time. that will make you seem more attractive. ms