laadied

I think that you have just answered your own question. You shouldn't stay with someone because they "are the type of girl you can bring home." Do you think that your parents would agree that was so if they knew how she treated you? When you are with someone you have to accept them for the person that they are, not the person you see/want them to be. You don't have to stay with them to accept them. You have to like the person that you are with as well as love them, which are two different things. If she can't be there for you when you are down, then why would you want her around when you're on top? There is a subconscience reason that you haven't been together the whole 5 years. You can only take her in doses and that isn't very healthy for either of you. I could tell you the direction to go, but instead I will ask you a question. If you stay with her and she never changes, can you see yourself being happy the next 20 years?

I really appreciate all of you guys responding so fast to my dilema. All the the advice given was really thought out and informative. I especially appreciate mahlina's comments and I felt like you really tried to connect with me by offering some of your personal experiences too. Thank you all and I will take all of your advice and put it to good use.

I am a 22 senior in college and have had 1 serious relationship my whole life, that is with my boyfriend now. I have dated in the past alot, but never anything where I thought that I could spend the rest of my life with them. Except for with my boyfriend now, I knew within the first few months that that was who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. But the past year I have begun to wonder if I could ever truly be with anybody and not push them away. I just don't trust men. I am okay when we are friends, but the moment that we become more its a whole different story. If they mess up, its like something turns off in me. I shut down, not physically, but emotionally, almost as if the things that I do from that point on are mechanical. My male history doesn't exist. My father died when I was 11 but I was never close to him, all of my uncles are sexist, and the 1 uncle I had that I looked up to, I ended up getting into a physical fight with trying to stop an altercation between him a one of my sibling(he hit me) and he didn't even apologize or feel sorry for it after the fact. He got drunk a few times and told people that he would really hurt me if I tried it again. I just think that there is no man who will have good intentions toward me. And this has led to destructive behavior in my relationship now. I get angry really fast, and snap on him if I don't understand something he's done. I make smart comments if he's done something that I don't like instead of just talking to him like an adult. And after the fact I realize that I was wrong and apologize but its got to be nerve-wrecking for him. I've gotten better over the past few months, but only as a result of cutting off some of my feelings for him and training myself to think that he's expendible. I know that its wrong, it feels wrong, but I just don't know how to get past these negative emotions so that I can be the best person I can be in my relationship and in life.

I don't want to be mean, but what the others are saying to you is crap. You are not the first person who has been in this situation and the fact of the matter is that you boyfriend wants to go off to school and do his thing without you. "Do his thing" means that he wants to hook up with other girls and so forth. He doesn't have to stay in the dorm room when his friends go out. Use your logic. You know what's going on. I'm not saying that he doesn't love you, but the weird thing about guys is that they always think the grass is greenier on the other side and so they usually act accordingly. One day he will look back, its true, and say to himself, "She was a good girl, I wish that I had been more mature." Because the fact of the matter is that your chances of staying together, faithfully, are slim. Enjoy now and move on when the time comes because that is what's going to happen.

Yes you are going through a phase. Its called puberty. Everybody likes someone as much as you do at your age. I know I used to do the whole daydream thing myself. Its normal, its not something that you can turn off and on. You could just approach her and talk to her. Not try and go with her or anything, just to be friends with her or become friends with her friends so that you can meet like that and have a chance to talk. Good luck, I don't miss being your age.

What would life be like if we never take chances? Remember when you were in grade school and you liked some girl soo much, but you didn't have the nerve to tell her? And now you look back and wonder why. Its the same deal, true enough love is a big thing to confess, but if you don't speak your heart and miss this opportunity, I hope it won't be something that you live to regret. Another thing is, most guys always say it first. In my experience anyways. My boyfriend said it first to me and it took my awhile to say it back, but look, he's my boyfriend now who I love very much, it just took him being the braver person to help me see that.

Your husband is a pervert. If he was mature, he would have put that little girl in her place a long time ago. Come on now, you can't be that blind. Sure we like to lie to oursleves and say "maybe this" and "maybe that", but the fact of the matter is that if you were on the outside looking in, you would be doing more that raising an eyebrow. I am telling you, this is not good, you deserve more, especially if you have never went outside of the relationship. Just imagine if you caught him on the phone with an anonymous girl talking about sexual things, how is it different. Move on, he will not understand anything else and if he doesn't care, thean the hell with it, because you did your part in god's eyes, and not only that, men are like buses, there's another one every 10 minutes.

The more you hold him back, the more he will think he's missing something. You probably feel like you make time for him and he never plans anything for you guys to do together, blah, blah, blah, get your own life. Start making your own plans, get your own drinking buddies and I promise you that when you do this, you won't be so upset when he makes his plans, because you won't feel like your life revolves around your family, even if it really does.

I think that your girfriend likes the attention that she receives from that guy and that if she was really being unselfish in your relationship, than she would have put him in his place a long time ago. Right now she is thinking about herself and you have to ask yourself if you really want to deal with that your whole life. Just because you love someone doesn't mean that you are right for each other, don't be afraid to face your past and fears, but also be able to recognize when you are not just being paranoid and that your feelings are legitimate.

I think that the fact that he was honest and told you what the chick said should be reason enough to just let it go. You can't control what other people do or think as long as he is handling his side of the bargin let the women talk. Believe me I have been in your situation many times, where a girl wanted to get on my man, and I used to get mad, but then I thought about it, How would I feel if he got upset with me everytime I told him about what some guy offered me or said to me? I would be turned off and I would stop telling him things, and it would hurt our relationship. As long as he is not giving in to their offers you are good to go.

Just flip the script in the story you wrote and I think you will know why your ex did what he did. There are basic rules in relationships and lines that shouldn't be crossed. The fact of the matter is that things that were cool when you two were friends are not always cool once a committed relationship has begun. And even though you may think it is unfair, it serves to keep drama down, and when people come back with stories and tall-tales, it isn't even an issue. True enough, it was wrong for your boyfriend to go behind your back looking for trouble, but sometimes people do stupid things to try to avoid being hurt. To be honest, if it only happened once, you need to go get the man you love and forgive and forget. Just make sure that things like that don't happen in the future and keep other people out of your relationship! People love to see you fail, remember that. Good Luck.

Imagine that you have a vase. Now this vase is of high value, whether it be monetary or sentimental. Now drop this vase on the floor. What happens. It breaks. And no matter how much you "seem" to try, you can't put it back the way it used to be. Because you know what, the vase has changed. It is no longer the same. It has cracks and chips where there used to be smooth perfection. This is your relationship. It is not the same as it used to be and it will never be so again. People fail to realize that as time goes on you change and you experience things that mold you into a new person everyday of your life. But this doesn't have to be a bad thing. Let's go back to the vase (I know its silly, but hey) You can take that same vase to a specialty repair shop and they can fix it. It will resemble the vase of old, with some obvious flaws, but it will be whole again. Think of the specialty repair shop as a counsler. Someone who can take the old and make it new. Another relationship won't make your life more fulfilling. You may be searching for reasons to leave. And when you look for reasons they appear. Imagine that your wife died tomoorow, god forbid. What would you feel. Would you focus on all of the negative, or would you look back and think "why didn't I make the most of our time together". The fact of the matter is that you care more than you think, because a cold hearted person wouldn't even seriously consider the fact that she needs you. You say she says all of these things, but underneath it all you know that she needs you. That it would hurt her for you to be gone from her life. There is still love, I know without knowing. A man who's not in love doesn't ask questions or seek help on the down low. You have. Get to know her again. Speak to her as if it were to first meeting. And even if she acts like a butt hole about things, be the bigger person and walk away. Come back later when she is in a better mood and emotions are low and calmly speak to her about your feelings, while also focusing on the positive aspects of your love. What you do like about her. Ask her questions also so that she doens't feel like its all about you. Struggle to keep a calm steady tone. And as far a sex goes. Don't make love. To be blunt, hit it like when you first met. Her libido is up and those juices are running deep. Do some romance novel stuff. grab her and kiss her. Take it, not literally, but you get my drift. Women love the primitiveness in a man. Happy hunting

I don't think there's anything anyone can tell you about technique, its more a learned or natural trait. Just remember to do it when you are ready and don't allow yourself to feel pressured by anyone because you're going to have to remember this night forever. There is one thing that I can say, be gentle! That is most guys mistake. Ask questions, no matter how weird or embarrassing. It can only help you to further your knowledge. And pay attention to her reactions when you do certain things. If you hear her making good noises like she's really enjoying it, then keep doing it. Just try to please your mate, its not always about having an orgasm. Happy hunting

The truth of the matter is that no one can tell you what to do, no one can tell you what you can deal with or how much you can put up with. The truth is that you have to trust your instincts. Not so much that of other people. Men are like women. We all at some point have what we call "a back up plan" and if your man is cheating then you are his backup plan. I know this young lady whose boyfriend cheats on her constantly. Her friends have come back to her with truthful stories about his cheating and every time he denies it. But in truth he is lying to her and she trusts what he says over that of other people and even her own conscience. She knows, yet she doesn't trust her own instincts. Instincts were put there for a reason. Animals trust theirs, why don't you trust yours? Sometimes the so called "evidence" that we are looking for is just never going to be there for us to always see. If you can accept your man's infidelity, then more power to you, but if you have doubts, then you owe it to yourself to investigate. And don't ask him anymore, because he is not going to tell you the truth. Be slick with your stuff, its in every womans genes. Because that way if he is not cheating, then you haven't burned any bridges. Good luck

Men do not always know what they want. They, like women, have this concept of "the grass is always greener on the other side of the pasture". You sound like a mature woman who is used to handling business on her own and in the business world, as you know, sometimes you have to cut your losses. Imagine that 30 years had passed and your man came to you and said that he hadn't been in love with you for 29 years, but he stayed because he didn't want to hurt your feelings, but he's leaving now. Look at your life as the cup being half full. You would be even more confused, and more pissed, and more frustrated, and a whole lot of other things that I can't say, if that situation really did take place. The truth is that whenever you give your heart to someone, you're never guaruteed to get it back the way it left. Love is a coin toss and the odds are usually against us. Why? Because everyone is so afraid of being hurt that they hurt each other first. But sometimes we luck up and two people who are meant to be come together and make something wonderful. One day you will find that love, and you will look back on your past relationships as just stepping stones to that one. You have your son, family, and most importantly yourself. Focus on that and maybe one day soon your cloud will lift to reveal the sun.