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Jeffbobo

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About Jeffbobo

  • Birthday 04/04/1969

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  1. It's been so long... Six years. In the final hellish throes of our marriage you told me that the only thing anyone would ever want me for was my money. Funny, you took most of it and the truth is that they want me for the same reasons you once did. How did we go from being so much in love; dreaming that together anything was possible, inseparable, solemates as you side time and time again to where we ended up. You cross my mind now very rarely, just a ghost. An apartition, not even remembering what you look like. Blurred in the pages of history. No particular reason to write this, just reflecting.
  2. YOU are the one that dumped ME! After 20 years of working so hard, the 2 of us without any help from anyone. I gave you so many chances to make your dreams come true and each of those chances you threw away when they did not work out like you wanted and you blamed everyone and everything but yourself. I tried so hard working multiple jobs, started so many different businesses from the ground up to help you realize your dreams and after all that you threw me away like a piece of garbage saying I didn't show you affection and neglected you. What the hell do you think we were doing? Working hard to realize our dreams. In one weekend you made up your mind that you were done and that it wasn't salvageable. You wouldn't give me a chance. After all we went through, I was not worth a chance. You have done nothing but rip me apart, blame me for everything and rewrite our history together since then. Like an idiot, i help you when you need help. Then when i tell you i cant, you start ripping me apart again. Now you come to me again, asking me to give you a chance when life gets hard for you. Put on your f**king big girl pants and join the real world. I'm not your damn doormat anymore.
  3. My journey... (Condensed ) We were high school sweethearts. We fell in love... You told me I was your soul mate. We were young and so much in love... We were married and it was one of the happiest days of my life. We didn't have a dime to our name but we were so much in love. I went to college to be an engineer, got achievement scholarships, attended full time, held part time jobs... Times were tough but we were in love and made it through. You told me how you grew up poor, went winters with little food and heat. How your father left you... I worked so hard to make sure that did not happen to you or our children. You stayed home to raise our children. You had a dream of a house in the country. We built a working farm from the ground up. We did all our own work. I worked full time as an engineer and to make your dreams come true with the farm, building barns, fences, electrical, produce, animals, constant work. We had multiple successful businesses on that farm... Always working... I loved doing it cuz it made you happy. It was something for you. I loved you so much and was willing to do it all for you so you and our children would not have to grow up like you did. I worked so hard... I was devoted and faithful. There was no time for us like there use to be. Intimacy faded over time. Too busy with life, kids, businesses and dreams to worry about it. It was last in our priority list. We knew it but did nothing about it. I thought love, devotion and being the best to provide a world where you could flourish, be safe, happy and pursue your dreams would be enough. It wasn't... You told me you loved me but were not in love with me. You told me you should have just had an affair on me. Told me I neglected and ignored you. You told me I was blind. You wanted a divorce. I begged, tried to reason with you and it just pushed you further away. I told you I loved you and to give me a chance to prove it and to not throw it all away. You said I had my chance. I was devastated. Our divorce happened in a month. Everything we had built, everything we had worked so hard for was gone. I was still in love with you but you were not. After everything we had been through, all our hopes and dreams that we built together. This family, quality of life... Was it not worth a chance? Did I mean that little to you? I was so hurt and devastated. Through our divorce, you said you wanted to still live together, do family things once in a while and just be friends. That was the cruelest thing you could have done. We tried living together. You used it as an opportunity to fight. Bringing up anything to slam me about from our past 23 years together. At the same time you would tell me about how other men would hit on you, ask you on dates and you would comment on other men. Why would you do this to me? I told you that you had to move out. You were angry. More fighting but I could not take this any more. The first 6 months I barely slept. I missed you so much... The constant heaviness in my chest... My stomach in knots. Was unbearable. You struggled to make it. You cried out for help, needed more money. I provided it, even if I did not have it to give. I was ruined financially but wanted you back. The more I gave, the more you wanted. When I decided I could not do it anymore, you got angry. Belittled me. Reminded me that this divorce was my fault and that I was in my situation because of me. That I owed it to you cuz of how I treated you... Neglected you. I hate you for giving up. We were fighters and have endured so much to have given up so easy. I hate you but still love and miss you even after all of this. Time heals. The pain fades. It now comes in shorter waves less frequently. I no longer have that constant dull pain in my chest. I need to move on. Stop contacting me. Stop telling me its all my fault and how I've hurt you. It still hurts but I'm able to think more clearly now. I'm not blind like I use to be. Ive been out doing the things i use to enjoy as well as trying things I never thought I would. I have broken my oneness with you. I can deflect the things you say to me. I have gained a renewed confidence in myself and have started noticing other woman again for the first time in over 23 years. I look and feel great. Other woman are complimenting me. Saying the things we use to say to one another. I now recognize when woman flirt with me. I was blind to this in the past. You tell me all the great things you're doing with your life. There are so many really great and interesting single woman out there. You are not the only one. I don't know that i believe in soul mates anymore. I've been dating. Meeting fun and interesting woman. We go dancing, to concerts, theatre, cycling, skiing and all the things we could have been doing. We also talk. Talk open and honestly. The way we use to. When there was nothing to lose but everything to gain. I will always love you but now I can move on without you. I feel so free and liberated. I am in control. I am not responsible for you or your happiness. I only look to my past with you to learn. Learn what worked and didn't work. I am grateful for my experiences. I don't need someone else in my life but when I fall in love again I will be ready.
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