SLMitchell918

I am going to file for divorce. im not really sure what the law is in WV about divorcing with a child, but I cant live like this. thanks for your help

You know when someone cheats on you, before you find out - you notice the signs? I dont think Brian is cheating persay, but as selfish as it might sound - I dont want him talking to this girl Kerri @ work. From what I've gathered, she doesn't care about her marriage. HOWEVER - I do not want her screwing up mine. You know? ( They have already cheated togehter once. I dont want a repeat) Brian has been quiet lately. Which if you knew Brian - Thats not like him. He hasn't been unhappy......just quiet. See I cant put my finger on it. Thats the problem. Something just seems *Off*. I asked him what was wrong yesterday & boy did he let me have it image removed. The mans got a temper geeze. Anyways, Like i said before, I cant put my finger on it. The last time I got this feeling though , I was right. Its just so freaking hard. For two weeks, hes been working over until almost 8 pm. Just knowing that girl is there makes me sick sometimes. How do you overcome these feelings? Its hard because it was this time last year that the relationship got started with this girl. They were working over a lot and Brian quit giving the marriage his all and focused on her. I hate not trusting someone. You know, before Brian and I got married, I caught him talking to his ex girlfriend from Kansas. Not just in a friendly way either. She was going to come to WV and they were going to meet up.....( of course selina wouldn't understand, so we wont tell her ha)> brian asked her to get his name tattooed on her breast. Anyways, it wasnt cheating, but geeze it hurt. I left work and came home t hat day, took all the pictures off the wall. As far as I was concerned , It was over. NOW, here he did something worse, we had a child on the way and we are still together. I dont know what I'm trying to get at, but 3 years ago, I would have ended it over something so petty. Now something major happens and I dont. Whats that all about? Will these feelings ever go away? I hate worrying & I love Brian very much. I've talked about counciling with him. He REFUSES. He doesnt' want to talk to a stranger about his problems. And honestly, Its expensive! I dont even know if it would even help. So much happened last year around this time.... Anyways, Im not going to go into detail, but Im worried. I want to tell Brian that I am, but it will cause an argument. I cant talk to him about these problems. He pretty much leaves it to me. Will the feelings of being scared every go away???? I want EVERYTHING to work out for us. I love him and our daughter. I sometimes wonder if I am overreacting. But something just seems off to me. I can't put my finger on it. I started my anti depressants and they really helped with me not worrying about it so much. But for some reason, even that isn't helping. HELP image removed

Welcome back. I'm just sorry its not under a better note. I agree with WorkNProgress. Its not against the law to leave your husband. Don't feel trapped with him because of your daughter because living in a home with two parents that fight is very destructive to the child. They can tell when their parents argue. You need to make yourself happy! Life is so short to live unhappily. It takes two people to work on a marriage. If one partner is not willing to work on it - then its impossible. You can't do all the work.

Well, the Y has daycare, so you can bring your kid there and they will watch them for two dollars an hour =( I just felt kinda shaking having a stranger watch Savannah, but thats just stupid I guess. I think carbs are something I need to cut back on. My husband said he will support me, but doesn't want the junk food removed from the house. When you have a "down" momment, the junk food cabinet, is like GOD lol. I've spoke to the hubby about changing his life style. I can adjust what I make for dinner, BUT, he has to have the "junk food". I know - it doesnt' mean I have to eat it, its just hard sometimes. Anways - I just want to be happy about my body. It will never be perfect, but being overweight is not something I want. Its easy to make yourself overweight, but its harder to solve the problem!

I HAVE to start dieting and working out. If I don't - I get out of hand with eating all the wrong things. I was doing so well but like always, it fell apart. I think I need someone to "share" the weight loss thing with. If it makes sense. Someone to talk to about it. I did a couple of years ago and lost 60 pounds. I have high blood pressure, but my cholestrol and everything is perfect. I do noticed that I feel really run down when I eat all the wrong foods. I need some healthy dinner ideas. I think I'm gonna have to start cooking better foods. HELP! My husband loves to eat, loves junk food and the worse part is - he is skinny. So, I can look at something yummy and gain a pound. I really liked the low carb, but I just can't do it because its expensive to buy food for me and then buy food for my hubby. I just dont know! I realized - as i was eating lunch, naturally - that i'm eating wrong and i know it. After I had lunch, i felt bad. What burns my butt, is I have a membership to the Y that I pay for and i don't go to it. I have a 8 month old and it just gets crazy. I enjoy going to it though. Its fun, but I just need to get motivated. Its like I want to do it - but lack motivation. I just need some ideas because If it was me, Like I always do, i go all day without eating and get home and have a meal. I want to do it the right way.... Are you gonna be my motivator? lol. image removed just teasin'

Thank you all for your comments/advice. I pretty much agree. Hes telling me that the reason he doesn't want me coming by is because he doesnt want any drama. So here I say - Well im not going to cause any drama. Which is true. & he said he is trying to protect me and Savannah ( she goes to work with me and I would have to bring her also) So who knows. I just think its BULL & somewhat fishy.....but I said this much to him and he said that I misunderstand. I told him that if he didn't understand how this could hurt my feelings then I didn't want to be with him. Because truthfully, if he doesn't understand HOW i feel about this - then hes just a jerk. So he breaks down and cried on the phone.......and at home yesterday. ( hes not the type of man to cry very often) Just because I said I would leave......had the chance to say it was over....but its hard to say.....

Well, I never thought I'd actually say those words, but I really am starting to feel like giving up. My husband emotionally cheated back in november.....and it could have been physcial but he would never admit to it. We use to spend lunches together......now he doesn't want me anywhere near his work place. He swears he doesn't talk to this girl......but tomorrow I will have to go to his work to get his check....he wants me to do it before his lunch so this girl wont see me. We were just speaking of and it burns me because I cant come by his work to get his check because of the other woman that he swore he doesnt' talk to anymore? But thats not what even made me feel bad....it was the fact that he doesn't understand AT ALL how it would hurt me any. I wouldn't even say anything to this girl. But all he did was get mad on the phone......make me feel like im an idiot and thank me for ruining his lunch. I wasn't even mean, I just wanted to talk to him about how that would make me feel..... I just give up. I asked him if the only reason he is with me is because of Savannah. ( he cheated on me when I was 7 1/2 months pregnant) He makes me feel like im crazy for even saying this stuff. But isn't it normal to think this way? After 9 months, I have finally given up. Its hard to try and get over something like this when the other person doesn't even understand the hurt and sends you a message asking what is wrong with you??? I keep telling myself I dont deserve this & its not suppose to be this way. Anways, i told him over the phone that if he doesnt understand how him wanting me to stay away just because of her would hurt my feelings then i didnt want to be with him. Mainly because if he can't understand anything they put me through then he just doesnt' care about me. Hes always the injured party.

As far as counciling, I did it and he tried. He was not comfortable talking about his feelings at all. Its like this other woman is a bad part of his life that he doesn't want to think about or remember. The thing is, it's me that paid the price. I believe the foundation to save our marriage is there, but I fear that he doesn't understand what Im truly going through. One great thing about marriage/relationships, is that you know that person only has eyes for you & you are only meant for each other - After this, sometimes its hard to feel that way. I miss taking "sweet nothings" seriously. Now when he says something , i feel like he is joking. I am not giving up, but its just so very hard. I believe I've came to enotalone a million times.... sorry guys. Things between us are good, when I dont feel worried and scared. Feeling that way does effect my mood sometimes. I get quiet & he knows. I guess I just need to get the security back that I once felt I had. Its just very hard getting back to that point. On another note, Everyone have a great July 4th & thank you all so much.

Thank you all for your support. This weekend brian and I had a talk. well more like an argument. when hef ound out I was worried, he just didn't understand. The funny thing is, once you have a fear installed in you, sometimes its hard to just let it go. Part of me feels like he wouldn't do it again. He's got a lot to lose. He said so himself. Also said he wouldn't be happy without me. My only problem is worrying. It comes and goes. It wouldn't be nearly as bad if he didn't work in the same building with this girl.......or any girl. Of course- I truly believe he doesn't talk to her anymore. Eh, ITs funny, I wanna believe, but you always have that "small" doubt in the back of your mind. Surely, one day it will go away. He's disappointed that I'm not over it. ( said so this weekend) I told him Im not nearly as bad as the day I found out & that it is a slow progress. Its upsetting that he doesn't understand the situation he created sometimes.

That sounds like a good idea. I will probably have to wait until he brings John up again. Its really sad it has to be like this, but I believe once you've broken trust, you just can't have it back. You have to work on it. John probably does exisit, but like you guys said, if he makes excuses, it will be a warning sign. Thank you ALL for your support. I have hard moments sometimes and really need to post. I hate to keep dragging about this subject, but it still hurts for me -sometimes. I have good moments and bad moments. I just keep a look out for any signs. I'm normally not a jealous person. But his affair has made me a little different. I believe it would change anyone just a little bit. I dont do it only for our daughter. I also do love him & I can see that if he was unhappy with his marriage - he might have "started" in the wrong direction. ITS NO EXCUSE, but thats the only reason why i'm trying to give him one more change. I know people will say " he didn't have sex with her" but telling this girl kerri that he loved her was enough to break my heart. Those works are sacred .

I'm mad at my husband right now, so I guess I need to vent. I never talk to him about me feeling sad or worried about his little fling awhile back ago. I just don't want to bother him with it.....Well, I actually said today that I was just a little worried. I can't help it. I have my moments, and lately at work he hasn't been sending me very many text messages. Well, i know that isn't a BIG deal, but you have to understand that - when i found out about Kerri, one of the signs was his lack of communcations with me while he was at work. he hasn't slipped into his old ways yet, but I would say his lack of talking to me this week has made me a little worried. I didn't tell him WHY i was worried, just that I was simply worried & that I have my moments. I can't help it. He works with several women. When he was calling that girls number in November, I was lead to believe it was a guy named Jerry. I believe him. Up until I saw the text messages on his phone talking about love......that hurt. Gosh I'll never forget that night. I didn't say anything right away, i went to take my shower and puked everywhere in the shower........nerves and being pregnant......... Now he has a new friend named John. Thats who he hangs out with. I'm giving him the benifit of the doubt & I believe John is guy. Its just hard though.....when he starts talking about a girl at work......my heart drops to my stomach.....and I worry and wonder. Life is just not suppose to be like this........I miss having the relationship we had before I found out all this crap. I never ONCE thought he would cheat on me & I didn't care if he chatted with women at work. Now that hes cheated, its just so damn hard. I try and try to be happy.....and sometimes I just can't stop thinking that if he loved me, he would have NEVER cheated on me. Brian seems to think that I should be over this already, but everything i've read online says it can take years.......and I believe it. He has killed my self-worth in this relationship. I dont think I'm the same person that I use to be. If Savannah hadn't been in the picture, I probably wouldn't have given him a second chance. For one week, Brian was a complete jerk to me and I just dont think I can 'forget' it like he thinks I should. He has a temper and when hes mad, hes an * * * * * * *. When he told me he wanted to separate, I met him that day on lunch. I asked him if he just didn't love me like he was suppose to....and he said he didnt.........yet he came home that evening and said he DID love me and he was stupid. I guess what I'm trying to say is sometimes I WONDER what is the truth? I try to be a tough girl and TRY to act like it doesn't bother me. I never talk about this stuff to any one anymore, except for the people that are stuck reading this - sorry. It makes me feel better to vent. Anyways, I just dont know how to feel anymore. My brain tells me to RUN and get out of this relationship.......but my heart tells me to stay. I can't see myself out of this relationship either. we've been together since 2002. I pretty much jumped from my last marriage into this relationship. *sigh*, Sorry for the venting, but Brian isn't answering my txt messages anymore and I guess I'm upset. I know that if I had cheated.........and he found out - I would do everything is my power to make sure he knows I would NEVER do that.......and for him to know how much I love him. Brian was like that at first, but now that he thinks i should be over it.......hes not. Plus we have Savannah........so instead of really working on our marriage, we just spend time with her and use it as a cover up in some ways. Okay, im done. My head is pounding....its almost time to go home....and see Brian. I guess things would just be so much better if he would TALK to me and MAKE me feel better, but he doesn't really. I have relaps and need to hear things sometimes.......*sigh* Everyone have a good weekend. I'm very sorry for venting.......but I needed to so badly!

I have spent several months trying to get over my husbands emotional affair. I know in some peoples eyes , it isn't cheating, but I feel that it was wrong and is, in some ways cheating. I feel the "d' work hanging over my head everyday. I'm torn because part of me wants a divorce, yet part of me doesnt. I feel like he should have stood by me during my pregnancy, instead of telling another woman he loved her. He treated me like crap and did not show me that he really loved me at all. I read about couples that have a great relationship, and have unconditional love. Is that true? Have any of you really found unconditional love? Mainly, my reasoning is that Im scared I am missing out. I keep thinking that maybe this man didn't love me. Maybe I am missing out on finding unconditional love. I truthfully thought I had it up until last november. I was in such a hurry to save my marriage for my unborn childs sake, that I never thought about ME. Hes showed me that he wants to be with me, but sometimes I wonder what his reasoning is. Is it our daughter Savannah? Does he feel stuck? He says no, but his track record for the truth isn't very good. Im tired of trying to trust him. Trust should come naturally. I shouldn't have to wonder in the back of my head what he is doing. Even if he isn't doing anything wrong! Because he hasn't since Novemeber. Im close to asking for a divorce. I just know it will throw him for a loop and he will NOT handle it well. If I say something, He will fly off the handle, in several ways. He will be very upset over our 5 month old daughter too. I do love him very much. I dont like loving him is the problem. I think its trust and fear of the future. Even if he doesn't talk to this girl anymore, what stops another girl from coming along? I shouldn't have to live mu life in fear. So, Pretty much, I am torn. I am on the verge of asking for a divorce, but I think loving him is holding me back - on top of our 5 month old daughter. What should I do? Is a marriage savable after emotional cheating?

My husband has an anger problem, I believe. Today we got into an arugement over something really stupid. But he started fighting with me. Not physically but by name calling and just throwing stuff around. It really upset me. I dont call him names back or something, I pretty much just tell him to leave me alone the whole time he is acting like that. I dont understand why he must act this way. I honestly didn't deserve it. After he "cools" off he goes and said he didn't mean any of it & that I can't believe anything he says when he is mad like that What am I suppose to believe? Hes always been this way. But we don't normally argue like this and haven't for awhile. What are some ways to calm him down? To be honest I haven't found one way yet. I've went into another room, that just makes him mad, I stay quiet, that makes him mad and when I fight back - its just as bad, So i just dont know! I just know it has to stop because i refuse to do this stuff infront of my daughter. She is only 5 months right now, but in the years to come, I will not tolerate it. I said something about that to him and he acted like he would stop, but who knows.

After reading this post, I felt like I need to comment. It looks like its become a pretty debated post. Hopefully he logs in again........or maybe he wont. How do you know that your wife trapped you? Did she directly come out and tell you that she stopped her birth control or did you assu-me? If you have deep feelings about this child and not wanting to have any part of it, then so be it - but I really suggest you get some counciling. Something just isn't right. But first, get a divorce. Your wife might have made a mistake and it was selfish of her, but it was also selfish to deny her of a child. I am sure she can find someone to love her and her unborn child.

I hate this for you. I know the feelings you have because I have had the same. Its not fair for him to feel so "free" when you are at home taking care of your daughter. He should love and respect you no matter what and always choose his family. I read some of your previous posts and have you decided if you want to stay with him? You've been unhappy with him on and off for awhile now. I know you dont want to bring your daughter up in a broken home, but sometimes its healthier. Children can sense the unhappiness. One day, you can find a mean truly worthy and she would have a step dad that will be there for you and her. As far as his cheating. There's signs. I know you have began to sense them. Thats how I found out. Sometimes women can tell these things. Hes not going to openly admit it. The only way you can find out is if he gets caught red handed Dont stay in a relationship because you feel stuck. That would be living miserably. I like how you treated him when he got home. He doesn't deserve you at all. Any man that treats his woman this way does not deserve the time of day.