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Ripples

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  1. He doesn't know it yet but he has just let the best thing in his life slip through his fingers. Hold your head up and realise your true value cos rest assured he will sooner or later. Go and meet some fun people and move on. You'll be surprised at how good it feels.
  2. Dito Mazurka and Blender. Like Mazurka I had the exact same problem - stringing out two years after we split up. She just wouldn't let me move on. Kept giving me "hope". Finally all the yarns and crap didn't add up. I began to see through the thin veil of lies and once that happened my instinct for survival kicked in and I told her to b*gger off for good. She is not to blame, I am for letting it go on. Do I miss her? Yep but as Blender so eloquently put it, it is the illusion I miss not the reality. When I look at the reality my head tells me she belongs in a looney bin! So Blender and Mazurka, in your opinions why do ex's behave like this?
  3. whenamansloveisreal Sorry for sounding crude here but men are prone to think with the wrong head sometimes. Been there, done that. Like you I assessed the reality of the situation and concluded I had everything to lose and she had everything to gain. You can only reach out for so long and then you must move on.
  4. Im sorry if somebody has already suggested this but check out "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" Once you have done that ask yourself why you are tolerating it and then try and fix your "codependant" issues. Believe it!
  5. Hi 1 Confused Im sorry to hear about your problem, it must be very distressing for you. I agree with blender. Your partner is obviously in a place where he cant and will not value who you are as a person and most importantly what you bring to his life. What you should not do is start trying to convince him about you. It will be far healthier for you to sit him down and acknowledge where he is in his life at the moment and that although you find it difficult you respect it. You are who you are and it is up to him to realise your value. Personally I think you should (once you have acknowledged his feelings and said your piece) withdraw and give him time and space to figure it out. I hasten to add that over a period of time (maybe months) he will likely figure it out especially if you restrict his access to you. In other words move out asap. This isn't playing games this is a perfectly healthy and mature reaction that will protect you and your emotions. As and when he wants you back he can come and find you and that is when he will have to take your feelings seriously. Dont get into a dance of trying to convince him to stay, it will only be a short term fix. I hope this helps.
  6. Parapgraph 2 - If she is leaving you in limbo then that is selfish of her. She left you, she must come back to you. She is either in or out, there can be no inbetween. Trust me, inbetween will result in nothing but pain for you especially when she announces that hse has met someone else. Find your pride tell her you love her but the current situation is not helping your well being and so thereforeeee you must withdraw to deal. In the interim if feels she deifinitely wants to get back together then she can contact you. If not then she must move on too. The decsion to give you another go is hers. The decision to give her another go is yours. Her move first. Paragraph 3 - Sounds feasible. Ask her!
  7. Did he dump you? Is your current relationship with your ex on a healthy, mature friendship level? Have you coped and dealt with any grief you experienced as a result of the breakdown of your relationship? Dont use it as an excuse to get back in touch. Move on.
  8. Both your experiences are extremely similar to mine. Red flags during the relationship that for some inexplicable reason I failed to noticed. Initially I was put on a pedastal but over a period of two years she devalued me to the point where I had no self esteem and didn't know what to do to make her happy. I was walking on eggshells. Finally she ended the relationship but has over the past two years strung me along with words. She "misses me, cares for me and even loves me" but just will not follow up. The fog that she has created has been very painful. As a result of this emotional abuse I started looking into why she would behave like this and that is when I found the world of persoanlity disorders. For sure I dont know if she is ill to this degree but without doubt she fits the character of someone suffering from a "Cluster B" type disorder. I suggest you research this a little if you haven't already done so as it may throw a little light on the type of people you have been dealing with. Relationships with people suffering from something like this are incredibly painful because of the push/pull nature. You have no idea where you stand and that is where the pain comes from. It is referred to as being "D&D'd" which means devalued and then discarded. This "dance" which they control is never ending until the time that the abused (you) finally realises that they (you) must end it. You both talk about NC. In reality you both know that it is the end and you both know that only you can end it. I did and it is incredibly painful to tell someone who you love dearly to stay away. It is an illogical and unnatural thing to do but unfortunately if they are disordered then they are illogical and unnatural people. We have been duped and fell in love with something that never existed. What we must do is try to better understand why it is that we have allowed people to treat us this way. That is the issue you should be discussing and focussing on. "You" can only fix "you". You can't fix them. Just a thought
  9. Dont call. You say you still have feelings for him. If you call him those feelings will get battered and bruised because he is with someone else and he'll definitely let you know about that. He will also most probably tell you that he has feelings for you still. Once he says that then you will end up in his dance of push and pull not knowing what the hell is going on. Keep doing NC and be strong. If he rejected you the only way for him to get back into your life is by kicking down your front door expressing his undying love for you. Keep your boundaries in tact and have faith that you are doing absolutely the right thing and in no way is it rude.
  10. Listen to JC here. I have been going through the exact same saga and believe me the only solution is to get the hell out of there. Do not be taken in by her words. Actions are what count now and even then, if you are dealing with a dissordered person you still cant be sure. Be very, very careful on deciding what to do but take it from us, as it stands there is no future for you with this girl. One question to JC. It sounds as though your GF came back once she knew you had moved on. Is that right? If so what happened then...
  11. Say it to her straight from the horses mouth - "I dont want you back"
  12. Did you take the new job? If so when can you start?
  13. I agree with chaos. She needs to let you know what she wants from you. in the absense of that you are a free agent. If she asks where you are going, tell her you have a date. Be honest and make her think. She'll either disapear and never talk to you again (her problem) or she'll shift in to top gear rapidly and be all over you. Just remember - you are single. Her words are all you have at the moment. You need actions not words.
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