Chelle212

I sent you a nasty text a few days ago because you were cruel to me earlier that day. I know your going through a lot but it doesn't give you a right to treat me like a punching bag and as someone who doesn't even deserve any human decency. Although you kept knocking me down I kept standing until I couldn't take it anymore and I told you off. We spent four years together and you are ok with the way you treat me now and don't deserve it. When I confronted you about it you said I treated you poorly four years ago. It hurts me to know that this is one giant game of revenge and how low you think of me, when I thought you always cared for me. I glanced over our text messages all the way back from January and it's clear to me now that you didn't even really care then because you would respond for every 7 or 8 I sent. Why have I been so blind for so long. When will the day finally come when I am not sad. I am sick of being sad.

I just got back from my date. It was meant to make me feel better but it made me feel worse. Every word that came out of him mouth only made me realize that he was not you. I don't want to be with anyone but you. You used to be so in love with me. When I used to have second thoughts about our relationship you wouldn't let me leave until I came to my senses and realized how great you were. I never realized how much I loved you until you finally left me. Now your cold, I just want the old you back. I know I have done a lot of wrong, but I just want to you to give me a second chance. I gave you so many chances. I miss you and I love you and I don't want anyone else. I truley want to change, but you told me if it took this long then it isn't worth it. Why is this happening to us. Yesterday was ok for me today is bad. I find myself constantly praying and i'm not even religious.

How messed up is this? I am sitting in front of the mirror trying to do my makeup but i'm crying so it keeps running so I can't. I'm getting ready for a date with someone else while i'm crying over you. I don't want to date anyone else, but I need to go so that I can know that I can move on.

Why do you keep calling him your friend?

Yesterday I was content hating him. I still hate him, but my mind is stuck on him. I keep telling myself I understand why this had to happen, but some days I can't accept it. He has been so awful to me he doesn't deserve for me to miss him. He especially didn't deserve the sweet note I left him before he left for the week. I am committed to moving on but I want him out of my head. I am tired of feeling hurt, and betrayed. I am ready for the next chapter of my life but he needs to get out of my head first. It sucks that hes in my head and I'm not in his. I miss yesterday when I felt OK.

Right now I talked to a friend who might have ruined my no contact. She told me to tell him what I just told her. I want to tell him that I never actually thought I would loose him. When he warned me about the way he was feeling I never took it seriously. I regret it and wish that I had. If I had a second chance I so would. I want to tell him this but I won't . I'm sure he knows.

I had a terrible headache when I woke up with morning. It hurt to squint my face and cry but I did it anyway. I am still doing it. I miss you so much. I miss everything about us. It's only day three and I know you are busy at work, too busy at work to think about me like you said, but I don't believe that you don't. We have been together so long and lived together that it would be impossible not to. I wish I had something to keep me busy. I wish that you would miss me. I wish that you would realize that you made a mistake and don't want me out of your life. I wish that I wasn't waiting impatiently for you to get home. How am I supposed to recover if you will be back in the house on Thursday and if we will be sleeping in the same bed. When we broke up on Sunday and slept in the same bed together all I could think about was how I wanted you to put your arm around me. You didn't but I liked that you rolled into me and that our bodies touched. I can't recover this way. I am going to look at an apartment today but it hurts me. I hope I don't break down while i'm there. I keep wishing that you will change your mind because I will be in the house with you and in the bed with you, but I am going to try to leave when you get back. Leave for a night too. You asked for this break up and I owe it to myself to walk keep my dignity and give you what you wanted. I am happy that I haven't begged and pleaded with you day after day like I have with other exs. The day we broke up and I let my feelings show that was ok. I deserved a day. I feel good about that. I am going to do my own thing. Maybe you will come around, maybe not but at least I know that I finally took a breakup in the most mature way possible. I love you and I miss you and I want you to take the break up back I see you online on gchat and facebook. I wish that you IM me. I am not going to think about it and sign out. I need to erase you from these places but I don't have it in me to do it yet.

Not sure if I really want to contact him but I miss him so much. I just walked over to Washington Square park in the cold and sat there and listened to a man play the blues on the saxophone. I sat on a bench hidden in the dark corner with my dog and just cried silently watching all of the couples kissing in the park. I see my ex on G-chat I wished he would message me but then I realized why on earth would he do that. I thought I was feeling better but that was because I was surrounded by friends. Now I am alone and I am sad. I wish he was here with me, I wish he would decide that he missed me and made a mistake. I decided to not put him on a pedestal because it's my feelings that are making me want him not him, and my delusions of something that probably wasn't there, because who would want someone who doesn't want you? That's silly. I Can't wait to heal and move on. Only on day two and it feels like eternity. I wish i didn't have to see him Thursday-Sunday and sleep in the same bed. How am I ever supposed to heal.

Breakup Day 3 NC Day 2 I spent 7 hours on the phone with my best friend last night so that I could get him out of my head. We talked about him a lot though. I miss him a lot, but I also feel angry. I feel like he dosen't care, and I still can't believe that he was OK neglecting me. Our situation is weird because i broke up with him in an email while he is on vacation visiting his family overseas. The email was pretty nasty because I felt betrayed and was mad when I wrote it (Never right an angry email there is no unsend). I want to do NC, and he is purposely doing NC on me too now. He comes back on Sunday, but I plan to leave the house for the day and night. I want him back but not the neglectful him. Not sure how to keep NC going when he gets back. My friend told me to leave him a note when I leave. But that would be breaking NC so not sure what to do. Will leaving with no note help the situation? We think he is expecting me to be in the house when he gets home. I have threatened, but never actually left before. Anyhow on Day 2 and I don't plan on talking to him today. I am going out with friends to an art museum to take my mind off of him.

Ok I started posting in the breakup forum, but now I feel I should be posting here. I'm on day two of a breakup and day one of no contact. My boyfriend has been very neglectful toward me. He was promoted recently this year and travels a lot for work. Since the promotion I am lucky if I get five minutes to talk to him a day. He has been gone quite a few weekends. He always has reasons why he dosen't have time to talk to me. First thought was he is cheating, but I believe him when he said the only thing he is cheating on me with is work. I don't believe he dosen't have any time to talk to me, or be so busy on every weekends out doing his own thing. I believe he just dosen't want to make time for me. He dosen't feel the same way about me as he used to. We have been together for three years, and he was super persistent in getting me. I wasn't interested in him, have never been fully attracted to him and here I am three years later, the one who feels hurt. We have been breaking up a lot this year but it never sticks. Usually we just blow it off as something we do, or I would cry and we then we would blow it off. He used to be the one to cry. I have talked about how neglected I feel with him, but nothing has changed. He likewise has things he dosen't like about me. Difference is I try to work on myself, but he has just says he will but never does. Expects to get his way but when it comes to consideration of me nothing changes. He used to be the sweetest guy on earth (i never expected the honeymoon phase to last) but now he is just down right not nice to me. So now he is in India for 10 days on vacation, not work. We had a fight before he left. He was mad at me for not thanking him for helping me with my taxes, I was mad at him for neglecting me being home the night before he leaves and not giving me any time at all, and being nasty to me while he did my taxes. I wrote a whole three page letter and left it on the sink since he would wake up before me. I suggested breaking up and not talking for 10 days. He wrote on the back of the letter with a smiley face that he didn't want to break up and he would try to be more considerate. Here we are 6 days later and I have unbelievably been neglected again. Since he left he sent a one sentence email telling me that he got there ok. He called me once for 10 minutes, and answered five questions I sent him via email. To him this is communication and perfectly ok. I have probably had a total of 15 minutes of contact with him over 5 days. I went to the hospital for two of those days and he didn't even know it. I sent him an email telling him this isn't going to work. The response I got was more excuses why he couldn't talk to me, why I didn't bother to ask him how he was, and he was going to call but now he isn't because he dosen't want to explain why he couldn't call me everyday. He wanted to break up too. I sent a quite nasty response and told him off. I also mentioned had he asked me how I was he would have known I was very sick and in the hospital. He never bothered to respond to that email, or show any concern or consideration for what I am going through. So here I am on day one of no contact and day two of breaking up. We live together so not sure how no contact will work I thought of just leaving on Sunday when he comes home and coming back when he leaves on Monday for work (travel). I do love him and I think what I want from this is for him to realize that this isn't just another break up that he can brush off because we do it all of the time. I want him to realize I'm serious and I want him to not treat me this way. If he really simply dosen't care anymore or can't do that then I don't want him because I deserve better. Heartbroken, but I'm doing this for me