tabytha

*Wraps you in a big cuddle* Wow. First, you an move out. It's not impossible, you may not be rich, but you'll be safe. Look into hostels, look outside of your area. Seems like you need a change. I suggest you get out. Thats just not healthy. You need to get away from her. My mother also tried to kill, on three occasions, when she was drunk. I owe my brother my life. But we never called welfare, we just waited for her to sober up. When i was 16 i decided to move and organised a hostel. My mother died that day of an overdose so i'll never know what it was like as instead of moving to a hostel my family came up and organised me to board somewhere. My point is get out. there are places you can go and people you can turn to. It's not impossible if you need to talk i'm here

yeah i know the dangers. But i've always been an honest person in relationships (Liars always get caught anyway and i don't see the point). Thats why i told my ex i have a boyfriend, and told my boyfriend i had heard from my ex and that I'd told my ex about my boyfriend (that seemed to ease his mind a little). My boyfriend hasn't told me not to contact my boyfriend again, and I'll do everything in my power to make him know he's number one in my life. His insecurities go way back to before we meet so he's told me his slight jealousy is just another excuse. But if he gets more uncomfortable, i'll sever contact. Or if my ex and I get too close i'll sever contact. Honestly though i do see us as just two friends catching up. I know i've grown up and changed since then, so i don't see why he shouldn't have. but if there's any danger signs i'll sever contact immeditely. I know my ex would understand and dear as he is to me my boyfriend comes first. Thanks DN for your advice and support. it's so much easier to stay grounded with a little understanding.

i agree. it's only been two emails in just over two weeks. It doesn't seem alot to me. but i do need to be careful. he goes to uni in the same city i work, and I'd LOVE to catch up with him for coffee (No alcohol, lol just in case hehehe) and a real catch up. Just one of those conversations like we used to. Something simple But thats going too far. In my book anyway. And i don't want to be stupid. Cause i love my current boyfriend, and want to make things work between us, but one of the whinges i had about him here was lack over communications/conversation. So smart as i can be i'm still capable of being a stupid little girl at times and I'd be worried that, i'd have a good time talking to my ex, come home with no conversation from my current and then start talking myself into all kinds of crazy thinking. We all get a little stupid when something good comes along when something bads happened, our rationality goes out the window. Nothings bad at the moment with my current. at all This is just a what if conversation. Basically i don't want my ex to screw up my relationship like i may have done with his (i may not have, for all i know he and this girl are together) My current BF and i are sorting out some issues, and glad as i am that my ex is back his timing couldn't have been worse. So I'll just stick to safe occasional emails for now. nothing more. LOL and if i do feel weak (which i feel is unlikely 8) ) i'll come here for a good lecture.

*Hugs* I'd wait a little time until you settle and you'll see things more clearly. But don't try to focus on 'getting him back", he's not cattle to lasso. Like i said, wait a little bit before even trying to think.

LOL DN thats plain vicious!! And for some reason it's exactly what I'd do. Stopal, it's take his advice.

I was engaged for just over two years, about two years ago. I ended up calling the wedding off. There was alot going on, but basically i was suffering CFS and Depression and i couldn't see our relationship surviving the strain. I think looking back, i wanted to stop feeling guilty, like i was ruining his life. Also his parents offered to pay forhim to go to Uni, something he'd always wanted and I couldn't face moving to another country. Neither of us really wanted to break up but we did, even when just before he left, i discovered i was pregnent, it broke my heart, but i terminated the pregnancy and sent him away, telling him to find a better woman then I. Anyway we still remained in contact. We had always been close and were eachothers secret keepers. After a few months I visited a mutual friend in his country and caught up with him. He wanted to get back together and i refused again. Then about a year after our original break up I decided i did love him and wanted to try again. But by now he had found someone. I respected that, but true to our old ways i had to be honest with him, so i still told him how i felt. You can imagine the turmoil I put the poor boy in. I'd broken his heart, then when he found someone i wanted him back. He ummed and ahh'd and they actually broke up over me (which was not my intent but i was happy for a time). But then, bless him, he did the right thing and severed contact. He wanted to try and get her back and asked me to stay out of his life. There was no crualty there, and tho i was heartbroken i understood the reason. We didn't sever contact due to hate, but because we still cared for eachother a great deal and that could sabotage any future relationship for both of us. The timing was almost laughable tho as I'd already organised to move to his country... yes i moved countries for him (and other reasons). But i honoured his request. Even when i bumped into his sister months later and she wanted to catch up, i left it all alone. I accepted he was gone from my life and moved on. i still though of him from time to time, but only to wish him well. And i moved on. I have a new boyfriends and tho we have issuses and I've whinged about him here on bad days, we're mostly happy and content. I wouldn't trade him in for another. Now here's the issue. A few weeks ago i accidently forwarded a request email to everyone in my email box. i didn't think much of it until i suddenly got an email from my Ex fiance. It was a simple email saying he was surprised to hear from me, hoped i was well etc. Well... i emailed him back in shock, saying he was the last person i expected to hear from, but glad all the same and i hope his well etc. he's emailed me again and I emailed him again. And i don't feel weird. i told my exfiance i have a boyfriend, and I'm glad he did the NC thing, i also told him the truth ( as i i've always done) that I'm glad he contacted me because i miss his friendship. to make sure i wasn't doing anything sly, i told my current boyfriend i'd recently been in contact with my ex fiance, and tho he admits feeling a little jealous he acknowledged it's his own insecurities rather then any fear of me leaving him. And you know i don't think i would. I'm so glad to be in contact with my ex again, but only as friends, as were were after we broke up initially. I want to remain in contact now it's been re-established. I don't feel like it would threaten my currently relationship at all ( and that comes as a surprise) I always thought I'd LOVE my ex and would fall for him, but... well it's been a year of NC and tho yes i still care for him, it seems totally platonic. I can't erase our history, we shared so much, but it seems more like his a long lost family member now then a possible flame. I suppose i just need to make sure his intentions are merely platonic too. And if thats all there is i don't see the harm in being friends, I miss that bond we shared once. But if his intentions are otherwise (He's convieniently NOT mentioned a g'f in the last two emails) , i guess i'll have to do the NC this time, in respect for my current boyfriend. But i'll find it a shame to lose someone so dear to me for a third time.

True Metallicaguy, but only of they're too nice. Too shy to make the move but you're forever hanging out chances are you'll become friends and miss that crucial moment. They don't want a jerk either. A happy medium. a nice guy who's prepared to take a few risks and have some fun, rather then always playing it safe.

Don't see him. You'll miss his company for a while, but that will pass. He used three ppl, inc yourself. Would you sacrifice a friend thats true (Sarah) for someone thats hurt you? He may be entertaining and stimulating, but there are more important things.

Hot/Sexy: physically attractive. someone you may fantasise about hooking up with/ sleeping with. Pin up poster boy. card board cutout. Oh yeah he's good looking but haven't really put more thought in then that. Cute: Attractive. probably spoken to him, or over heard him. Personality by appearances seems freiendly and fun. Not overly intimidating. Would like to get to know him. He usually has a 'boyish charm' about him. Warning, if 'too nice' may be alloted to 'like a brother status'.

I just have one thing to add. You say "fi he truly loves me he'd move to be with me." I say by that standard if you truly love him you'd move to be with him. Neither of you are budging, maybe there's a reason. My ex best friend and my brother went through the same thing (I'm grateful they were stubborn because i love them both but they were shocking as a couple, co-dependent and hurtful to one another, made me wanna slap them both). She was in university studying 'forensic science" in the same state we'd gone to highschool, and he and my family relocated to another state, where my brother begain studying music production and development (our little idiot savant =o) ) They did the LDR 'I Love you, I hate you, lets work it out, you live with me, no your live with me" and on and on. Both claiming if the other loved them enough they'd move. In this case, they're a bad match, (great people, BAD combination) so I'm glad they eventually called it quits, (I have doubts, their little messed up cycles been repeating for going on 7 years now!) But you gotta ask yourself, why should he sacrifice if you won't. And if you won't sacrifice, then there's a reason.

Are there always people around? You say she was over for 9 hours but there were others there too. Maybe she's not as excited about PDA (Public displays of Affection) as other people. Can you take her out on a nice date alone? Away from school and friends and family. I'm not talking about lovers lane. Somewhere public but private (Hows that for an oxymoron?) Like the quiet corner of a small restraunt, or a shaded area of a public park. Set up a nice, safe romantic situation and see what happens. You sound like a adorably sweet open and honest guy and I couldn't imagine anyone feeling threatened by you, but we women can be drama queens in our own heads at times, even if we seem normal to the outside world.

You say you've had to be strong for 15 years and can't imagine continuing, welll of course it's daunting looking at the big picture.... so you just take it one day at a time. Just one day. Live one day at a time You've put it off so far. put it off till tomorrow, then put it off again. Live, work and breath one day at a time. Find joy one day at a time. Be strong for one day. Then the next it's jus one more day.

Suicide is a permenent solution to a Temporary Problem. And the problem you feel surrounding you will only persist if you refuse to seek help and support. and no... no one will 'get over it' eventually. Take it from someone who's lost someone. There's a whole in their hearts that will never be filled. Just because people won't solve their emptiness by following you into voluntary death doesn't mean they've 'gotten over it'. You sound like you have a very full and busy life. Maybe you need to take some time out. and time off. Cut back on your social and extra curricular activities, invest in a cousellor, find the root of your sadness and work on healing yourself. You can come through this and you'll be stronger for it. And those who love you will be happier for having you in their life.

eeep. to be honest I avoided kissing my 1st boyfriend for months. I Hated saying goodbye to him everyday because i had to kiss him. I felt really guilty because he was a nice guy but.... he was a really BAD kisser! I wasn't overly confident in my own ability, him being my first boyfriend, but i was pretty sure his lips should be on mine, not all over and around, like he was trying to suck them in. And thought lips needed to be moist but not leaving my lips and the whole area around feeling like i've been licked by a dog. I guess he was trying to be passionate, but an open mouth kiss over a shy semi open mouth doesn't seem to work. when you do kiss her, don't get self conscious, but be thoughful of your technique. if she's open mouth, match her. If she's closed mouth, match her. Don't try to swallow her in your enthusiasm. And ... don't be afraid to make the move as others have suggested. if she's not ready for whatever reason she should/would let you know.

OMG I agree. my boyfriend won't make any decisions! Nothing. Just sits around and does the same old thing everyday. if we want a change I have to initiate it. Want to be intimate, i have to initiate it.... it's frustrating.