dear my ex
I'm so happy you finally worked out your ambiguous, indecisive sexuality, even though it took you making a massive fuss at me over apparently being that 'one special guy out of all of them' that you could like. I enjoyed our time together, up until our last date, where you kiss me on the mouth, tell several of our friends about us (after explicitly telling me to keep silent) and then after giving me the big 'I love you,' run off when I turn my back for five seconds to follow a girl you don't even know from one club to another because you thought she was cute. You then tell me you've been leading me on the whole time and expect me to be cool with it.
Now for some pathetic reason, I endured my sorrows to try to maintain a friendship. I had uni and a lot of work to do so I blocked this out. Now when I was down, I actually became extremely ill and couldn't take the stress hormones racing through me and had to go to hospital. Since I came out of there I've had a complete 180 turnaround: I started life coaching to help me out of feeling so lost. I realized because of you I've been a people pleaser. I'm not extended that to anyone ever again. I love me for who I am, faults and all, I do not care what people think, I bare my scars proudly, I will ask the questions and say what others choose not to, I will not waste another second on this earth doing what I don't want to.
You may go on about wanting to be my best friend and keep me by your side till we die, and you can talk about how you want to travel the world with me, but the truth of the matter is, unless you are prepared to stop the mixed messages and cuddling up to me, I will not consider that. Unless you're after a ****, I'm not going to cuddle you. Unless you pull your head out of your ass, I won't help you through your depression, your relationships or any of it. You have always had a habit of making things worse for yourself. I don't have time to waste on this earth on people who leech off me.
You go on about wanting a polyamorous relationship. Wanna know something funny? I was prepared to let you bring girls home if it allowed you to meet your other needs as long as you stayed with me. I was prepared to do that. I would have given you shelter and lived with you. You meant the world to me, and you knew it. You have no one to blame for this but yourself. Good luck finding someone who gives as much a damn and would have given as much as I would have given. My pain with heal in time, but I will ever give as much to another partner as I will give to you. You were the only person I let see my weak spots, my vulnerabilities. A lot of people think I have unshakable confidence and arrogance. I never did, that was a mask, but now, that confidence is my real face. I can never be hurt by anyone else as much as you hurt me. You were my only real weak spot, I'm scarred, but now I'm a fearless opportunist, pragmatic, better dressed and stronger than I would ever have been otherwise. Thanks for the power, but not the pain.
I will possibly find someone to love, but I now know what Im looking for. You will struggle along alone, while I will take everything I can from this world until I can no longer live. I may well be bitter, cynical and greedy, but at least I've got the gonads to be honest and get what I want.