doingitmyway

I know this is cold but the only reason I have asked you to meet me tomorrow is so I can truly tear you down once and for all. We're not going to be friends, ever. I'm doing this for me.

I hate you so much I could scream. You think you can tell our friends and go crying and then use depression as an excuse for your actions when Im not in counselling because your betrayal has not only mentally scarred me, but given me anxiety induced ED. The only user I see in your past is you, yet you make out like you're the victim. if you wanted friends with benefits and nothing more you should have just done it and got it out of the way. Not lead me on into a relationship right before something happened, then drag it on for months till you found someone else, and after discussing marriage and kids, stab me in the back the same night. **** YOU!!! The nerve of you asking me to be your best friend again. I don't care if you cry yourself blind with guilt, I never want to see you again!

dear my ex: I know we were friends for a long time, and while you did hurt me greatly in what you did to me, running off on me after using me to work out your sexuality, I want you to know that now I am feeling able to forgive what you have done. Yes, it as taken months for me to feel ok again, but I realize now that this had to happen for me to become who I am today and create myself with strength and purpose. It was because of this that now I have a newfound love of my life and appreciate things. I dont fight the flow of my feelings anymore and I never back down or run from things anymore. If you hadn't, maybe I'd never get the determination to be who I am now? Thank you for the lesson, perhaps someday when you mature some more and work out who you want to be, we can pick up our friendship like we had back before all this happened. When we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change.

Since you don't seem to get the picture Im getting sick of you. I dont want you in my life these days. Stop asking me to meet up. Look girl, I know I was just a game to you, and yes we have tried to be friends since, but you know what? I dont think you have any real respect for me. For someone who cant make up her damn mind you seem to be enjoying stringing me along, so its ultimatum time for you: **** me or stop ****ing with my head. It's fine if you do or don't, I'd never persue a relationship with you again. In fact, I know a great lass who wants to spend time with me and is good for me. You two are kind of similar, main difference is she doesnt have the mentality of a selfish child, and she actually puts others before her, unlike you and your whims. Last call to get anything out of your system, afterwards feel free to screw anything and everything with a pulse. Remember this though: I was nothing but supportive to you, so good luck with your depression without me, you damn traitor. Now if you excuse me I have some positive people to talk to.

well I was going through 'the book of five rings' but then I stopped because I got very ill. might pick it back up again

one more mixed message woman, and Im calling you out on it. You can either make up your mind to be with me or not. Not like I care either way, at this point all I feel for you is sexual attraction, because you cut my heart out and shat all over my efforts to make you happy.

dear my ex I'm so happy you finally worked out your ambiguous, indecisive sexuality, even though it took you making a massive fuss at me over apparently being that 'one special guy out of all of them' that you could like. I enjoyed our time together, up until our last date, where you kiss me on the mouth, tell several of our friends about us (after explicitly telling me to keep silent) and then after giving me the big 'I love you,' run off when I turn my back for five seconds to follow a girl you don't even know from one club to another because you thought she was cute. You then tell me you've been leading me on the whole time and expect me to be cool with it. Now for some pathetic reason, I endured my sorrows to try to maintain a friendship. I had uni and a lot of work to do so I blocked this out. Now when I was down, I actually became extremely ill and couldn't take the stress hormones racing through me and had to go to hospital. Since I came out of there I've had a complete 180 turnaround: I started life coaching to help me out of feeling so lost. I realized because of you I've been a people pleaser. I'm not extended that to anyone ever again. I love me for who I am, faults and all, I do not care what people think, I bare my scars proudly, I will ask the questions and say what others choose not to, I will not waste another second on this earth doing what I don't want to. You may go on about wanting to be my best friend and keep me by your side till we die, and you can talk about how you want to travel the world with me, but the truth of the matter is, unless you are prepared to stop the mixed messages and cuddling up to me, I will not consider that. Unless you're after a ****, I'm not going to cuddle you. Unless you pull your head out of your ass, I won't help you through your depression, your relationships or any of it. You have always had a habit of making things worse for yourself. I don't have time to waste on this earth on people who leech off me. You go on about wanting a polyamorous relationship. Wanna know something funny? I was prepared to let you bring girls home if it allowed you to meet your other needs as long as you stayed with me. I was prepared to do that. I would have given you shelter and lived with you. You meant the world to me, and you knew it. You have no one to blame for this but yourself. Good luck finding someone who gives as much a damn and would have given as much as I would have given. My pain with heal in time, but I will ever give as much to another partner as I will give to you. You were the only person I let see my weak spots, my vulnerabilities. A lot of people think I have unshakable confidence and arrogance. I never did, that was a mask, but now, that confidence is my real face. I can never be hurt by anyone else as much as you hurt me. You were my only real weak spot, I'm scarred, but now I'm a fearless opportunist, pragmatic, better dressed and stronger than I would ever have been otherwise. Thanks for the power, but not the pain. I will possibly find someone to love, but I now know what Im looking for. You will struggle along alone, while I will take everything I can from this world until I can no longer live. I may well be bitter, cynical and greedy, but at least I've got the gonads to be honest and get what I want.