RubyInnocence

Your problem is confusing to me, but no matter what you're talking about, it's never good to make someone jealous. Jealousy is sometimes very powerful and using it to your advantage will only hurt others.

Your concern absolutely depends on which worries you more- getting pregnant or getting an STD. If you're only worried about getting pregnant, then you're fine as long as you use the pill correctly. However, if you are worried about getting an STD, and you're even a percent doubtful that your partner could have one, you should definitely get tested to reassure yourself. Being sure is the only safe way!

I think the most significant part of your post was when you wrote "I feel like I couldn't possibly compare to her. I know it's stupid, and he's told me I'm ten times the person she is, and he thinks I'm really pretty (prettier than her) and could be a model too. But he would say that!" Don't assume that because he's your boyfriend, he HAS to say that you're better looking. He's with you, not her. He loves you, not her...otherwise he would be with her. He wants you, and if he thinks you're pretty, don't assume that he's saying that because he has to. Taking that point of view will only feed your jealous feelings. I have only seen one of my boyfriend's exes, and I am very jealous of her. I know that I am prettier than her, because she is sort of Plain-Jane, all natural type of girl, and I'm exactly opposite (yep, I PILE on the makeup). Yet, I can't help feeling jealous, because I know when he was with her he thought she was beautiful. I'm sure you feel the same way, but I just think- hey, he's with ME now. Not her. If he hadn't found me attractive, he probably would not have shown any interest in me or asked me out. So, you must realize that physical attraction isn't everything, and that someone who loves you will NEVER find you ugly, no matter how you look. Good luck with this!

First of all, I don't appreciate your attitude. Do not yell at me for what I said. I never said it was "all right" because it's "her shoes" that she do this to you. What I was saying is that you are supportive instead of just pissing her off, you have a better chance of getting back together with her. That's what you want isn't it? If not, then continue to have your attitude, because the only real way she will ever believe that you have any kind of character is if you act mature about this. Sorry for the harsh words, but I don't appreciate it when people criticize my posts without giving me a proper chance to explain/elaborate. You didn't need to give me an attitude, you could have simply asked me these questions without the mockery. No hard feelings though, and whether you follow my advice or not, good luck.

Thanks to you who have posted, I don't know what I would do without this forum. I have been busy for the past few days, but I did read your replies and I'm glad I did. The other night, I was so frustrated with him that I just couldn't even talk to him. Eventually he got me to talk, so I told him that I thought it was completely disrespectful that he talked about Asian women when he knows that it bothers me. I said, "It makes me SO upset. If you want me to be a blonde, I can be a blonde. If you want my boobs bigger, I can get them bigger. But I can NEVER be Asian. Why are you wasting your time with me?" He apologized, saying that he didn't realize how badly it bothered me. (How could he not, we've talked about this!) He went on to say that he loves me just the way I am, that he only wants to be with me and that he doesn't want me to change. That was all very nice, and it made me feel better, but I pressed the issue. I told him that he makes me so unhappy because he brings up other girls all the time. I told him that I just couldn't take it anymore, because I didn't think it was fair because I NEVER do that to him. I have seen/liked other guys, and I have never pointed them out because of COMMON COURTESY. I told him that he could either control his urges for other girls or he could say goodbye to me. He was pretty quiet when I said that; I don't think he realized how serious I was about this whole thing. I mentioned that I was going to make him jealous with another guy that I was going to make-up. (I was going to pretend like another guy was calling me all the time and buying me gifts.) He said, "Well, I would have dumped you, then, and when you told me it was a joke I wouldn't have believed you." EXACTLY!!!! "You wouldn't have known that I was joking," I said, "so how do you expect me to know when YOU'RE joking??" HAHAHA! You should have seen the confused look on his face! AND GUESS WHAT?!?!?! On Saturday at work, a guy named Mark who works two doors down came in to talk to me, just to chat. Pat (my boyfriend) came in as I was talking to Mark and gave him a DEATH LOOK! The minute Mark left, Pat said, "So who's Mark?" I shrugged. "A friend." "How do you know him?" he pressed. Again, I gave him a vague answer, then asked, "Are we jealous, dear?" He shrugged. "I'd just like to know who's talking to my girl." Tee hee. I was thrilled by the whole situation, for once he was in the position of being jealous! Anyway, this post is so long, but I'm not done! I would like to respond to your posts. I agree that it is wrong that he would mention something over and over. It does make my self-esteem disappear, like Joanie said. I definitely have to look at the clues he is giving me, yet he often says the sweetest things to me, and I really feel like he is dedicated to me. He probably says more good than bad, but the bad always overshadows the good. I don't want to make him feel like he has to watch what he says...but how can I not be angry? I feel insulted! It's definitely a painful pill to swallow, as Cookies said, because I wouldn't care if it was once in a while but he brings it up EVERYDAY. Pat is a great boyfriend. He spends all of his free time with me. He pays for everything. He compliments me and makes me feel great...EXCEPT when he talks about Asian women! If he would stop that, he would be perfect! I actually don't care when he talks about most other girls, it's just the Asian women, because I know he has such a thing for them! Overcorrect, I don't think the issue here is Pat objectifying women. The issue is that he brings it up EVERY DAY. You said that you mention to your girlfriend if you see a hot woman. Do you do it every day, sometimes more than once? Don't you think your girlfriend would get upset if you did? Thank you again, everyone, for posting. I would appreciate any comments on my update, and thank you guys TEN TIMES A MILLION for your help!!!!! 8)

I posted a few weeks ago about my jealousy problem with my boyfriend of six months. I mentioned that he has a very huge "thing" for Asian women. He says, "The average Asian woman is hotter than the average white woman." I tease him about it when it comes up, and make fun of him for going out with an Irish girl! One day, I took it so far that I told him, "Well, I like Italian men. You know what? Since you're not Italian, I can't go out with you. You're so ugly. Only Italian men are hot. It's a shame you're not Italian because then I would really love you." I felt horrible afterwards, even though he laughed it off. I was just so desperate to make him feel the way I feel! Last night, at dinner, I mentioned how I really like the new Missy Elliot song (don't know how this came up.) "It's all about the Asian girl," he said. "Excuse me?" I asked. "The little girl in the song. It's all about her." "What does this song have to do with her being Asian?" I asked. "I'm just saying, the song is cool because of her." "She has like one line!" I exclaimed. "I know," he said. "But she's Asian." I flipped out at him, saying that I hate how he purposely tries to make me upset. He asked why I was flipping out, and I said, "I think it's ridiculous that my BOYFRIEND is purposely trying to make me upset, how f-cked up is that??" He apologized, saying that he wasn't trying to do it on purpose. I am so upset about this! How can I get him to stop? Is he doing it on purpose, or does he really want to be with an Asian girl? I want to break up with him, even though I love him so much, because I'm so sick with worry that if he sees an Asian girl he's going to leave me for her. PLEASE PLEASE HELP!!!

It seems as though a lot of people are struggling with dealing with their boyfriend/husband looking at porn. I don't know how much help I can be, but if anyone wants to talk to me, I'd like to help. My boyfriend looks at porn, and we have a totally healthy relationship, but it does not bother me, and I look at it too. I would like to be able to talk to people one on one about this, because I don't understand why it upsets so many people, and I would like to understand. Anyone who wants to talk to me about this, please feel free to contact me at: AIM: PWsBabyDoll Email: email removed Or send me a private message. I would really like to help!

Hey, here are my answers to your questions. Men like lesbians because it's TWO girls. I don't think that men really like the fact that they are lesbians (which most girls in porns really aren't), it's just the fact that it's two girls, doing to each other what a man could do. Most guys who like lesbians have never actually been with two girls and probably wouldn't...it's like something mysterious and sexy for them to fantasize about. I don't think it would be bad to look at his pictures, I can't think of a reason why that would be a problem. Please don't make yourself upset about porn. Maybe your sex life needs a boost, so work on that rather than be angry. Porn is the only way that a guy can get out his sexual urges WITHOUT cheating on his girlfriend, which I'm sure you wouldn't want him to do. If you refuse to let him look at porn, but don't do anything to improve sexual relations between you two, he will probably either cheat or become irritable from lack of sex. It's just something a guy needs. It's like chocolate. Please don't get yourself upset! Good luck!

At your age, please don't let love even come into your mind. You're too young to be thinking about being in love...wait until you're older and don't have a life and can settle down. For now, just have fun! It is very common for two people to be together and have a great relationship, but for them to consider being with others, especially at your age. Just because you really like your boyfriend and he really likes you, don't shut the door on anyone else. Being young and having fun with other people and having relationships is what someone at your age should be doing, so please take advantage of that! I'm not saying you should break up with your boyfriend, just go with the flow. If you start to feel like you really want to have a shot with this other guy, go for it! Sorry I kept referring to your age, I'm not that much older than you but I've been stupid and stuck in relationships because I wanted to make them work. I was looking too forward into the future and not letting myself have fun. Please don't let that happen to you!

Words said in anger aren't usually true. If you truly didn't mean to hurt her and don't want to do it again, just be persistent. If she sees that you seriously are sorry for what you did by you talking to her, apologizing, sending her cards, whatever, she will eventually loosen up. But don't get frustrated because she won't talk to you and get angry about that, because that will only make things worse. Just be patient, I'm sure she will eventually forgive you. Good luck!

I understand why you are upset. Situations like yours can be very painful for everyone involved, and it could be that your ex is simply rebounding- trying to find someone to help her get over you. Please don't push her out of your life if you love her, no matter what she does. True love lives through any situations, and it may be that she is confused about what she wants right now. If you are supportive and help her, she may realize that she still loves you. Try to be patient- I know it hurts, but you have to try to put yourself in her shoes, as well.

Thanks, everyone, for your posts. I feel like this is going to be a problem for me that will take a long time to solve. I do wish that I was happy without money, but who truly is? I think what I need to do is find one job that will pay well enough, but that will give me a day or two off now and then. Thanks again for your posts. I love having feedback on problems, it makes me feel like people really care.

I wouldn't worry about it. It doesn't seem like there is a problem. Try to get your girlfriend to loosen up by making sure you don't criticize anything she does. Let her experiment, whether it be good for you or not. Sometimes girls are only afraid of penis's because they are afraid that they will be doing something wrong and that the guy will make fun of them. Try to reassure her, and she will become more comfortable. Good luck.

I'm 18. I go to school full time and I work two part time jobs, averaging about 45-50 hours a week. I make about $1150 a month. Most people my age are working one part-time job, or no job at all, only concentrating on school. But no, not me. Ever since I was 16, I've been working two jobs, struggling hard to save for god knows what. Everyday, I worry about money. I worry that I won't have enough money for a house, or marriage, or children...all these things that are so far ahead in the future. I have saved a little over $5000 over the past 2 years. Everyone always tells me that compared to most people my age who have working-class parents, I am well-off. Yet, everyday, I worry about money, to the point where I get myself sick. I never have any free time, and I'm constantly stressed out. I do not lead the life of a normal 18-year-old. I don't concentrate on school, I have no social life. I want to have time for my family and my friends, but everytime I think about quitting one job, I think about how "poor" I will be. I am terrified that if I don't save now, I'm going to be poor for the rest of my life. My boyfriend, who's 22, goes to school full-time and works full-time. He makes about $1800 a month, and he makes me feel so poor, yet I know he only makes more because he is older than me. My boyfriend wants to get our own apartment together, but I told him I won't do it until I have enough money. He said to me, "You'll never believe that you have enough." Am I crazy?? Why do I worry SO MUCH about money? To me, money is everything. Does anyone else feel this way??

Hey, I'm younger than you, so I may not be much help, but I want to try! I recently dated a guy named Dennis. I was experienced; he wasn't, like your situation. He had about 3 girlfriends before me, but didn't get intimate with them. I used to mention ex-boyfriends a lot to him, so it was weird when I read your post, because she sounded a lot like me. I think I did it partially to make him jealous, and partially to make him stay with me. I figure that if he felt like I was "wanted", he would realize how "lucky" he was. I used to talk to my ex-boyfriends a lot online, and make it a point to bring it up to him. I don't know if your girlfriend is doing this because of either of my reasons, or one more than the other, but I would ask her- just casually. Don't interrogate her, because that will most likely just make her bitter about the subject. Just ask her, "Do you mention other guys to make me jealous, or is it for another reason?" See what she says, and if she says she does it to make you jealous, just explain to her that she doesn't need to do that because you already realize how amazing and wanted she is. I wouldn't worry about the picture at her mom's house. My mom has a picture of me and an ex in the living room, because she says that I should keep all of my "memories". I keep trying to take it down, but she always puts it back up. Mayeb you are jealous, but I think that if you ask her (please don't argue!) why she does this, the situation will become better for you. Communication is the answer to all problems, but don't make a problem into a fight! Don't break anything off until you have talked to her. Good luck!