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desparatehousewife

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  1. desparatehousewife
    Your husband needs to write a letter to this woman telling her that he has committed himself to saving his marriage and that their affair is over and to please never attempt to make contact with him again. You should be allowed to read the letter. He should also immediately start looking for another job. If he refuses to do either, then he truly is not committed to saving this marriage. He will need some time to get over this woman. It will not be easy for him to just walk away from someone he cares for and has brought him pleasure. You should only invite him back into the bedroom when YOU are comfortable with him being there. Individual and couples therapy should help, again as long as he is sincere. Good luck.
  2. desparatehousewife
    Two words: Statutory Rape.
  3. desparatehousewife
    Those stats were on a news show recently. Keep in mind that all of the infidelities did not involve sex and included inapporpriate email/chatting. Also, the spouse was not aware in alot the cases. I think that online infidelity has greatly raised those stats over the last 10 years. I also think that cell phones and email has made cheating easier over the past 10 years as well.
  4. desparatehousewife
    BillyJean These latest figures were on a news show recently. They went on to say that more than 50% of men cheat and the number of women who cheat is fast increasing to the same number as men. Of course, they didn't say that all the infidelity was discovered, just that it occurs. If you had told me this when I was in my 20's and 30"s I would never have believed that 9 out of 10 couples that I know would have gone thru this, knowingly or unknowingly. But, like you, as I get older, I do believe it. In any given social situation, more than half the folks have divorced at some point and it was due to cheating. And I'm certainly not excluded.
  5. desparatehousewife
    Someguy69 The current numbers are that 90% of all marriages will suffer an infidelity. So, take 20 marriages, and of those 40 people, 36 will cheat on their spouse. Not very comforting, huh?
  6. desparatehousewife
    Statistics say that 90% of all marriages suffer some form of infidelity, yet 50% of marriages fail. Based on that alone, I'd say that relationships do stand a fair chance of surviving infidelity.
  7. desparatehousewife
    Here's what you need to do. Get off this board, make your cell phone an appendage, wait with utter anticipation all day and night for the next TM from your scorned lover and continue to live a miserable existence. Keep in mind that your lover is enjoying every minute of her psychological revenge, because it is working beautifully. As for your wife, she knows. I'm sure she's told all her friends what a miserable husband you've turned out to be and is seeking the recommendation of a good attorney to take you to the cleaners. And buddy, what comes around, goes around.
  8. desparatehousewife
    You asked if he would ever leave his wife for you. The answer is predictably NO. If he's managed for this long then it's not all bad at home. And the ultimate reason will be that he is staying for the children. In order for him to be with you he has to confess to his wife, move out and leave his children. His wife will indeed get custody of the children, he will have to pay child support, and because of the infidelity, alimony. He will see his kids every other weekend. A year dealing with a scorned wife, attorneys, etc. will definitely take a toll on his relationship with you. And, believe it or not, alienation of affection lawsuits are filed everyday in 4 states in the US. Are you in one of those States?
  9. desparatehousewife
    I believe this was your initial question: Last friday I got my head around things and told her if its over then never to call me, text me,email me..contact me again. She agreed, then this morning she sends me a text saying, I hope u r ok.. why why why did she do that, since then I have called her and she isnt interested in getting back together, why is she playing stupd games with my head She did that to let you know that she is still thinking about you and wants to make sure you are still thinking about her. It's munipulative and an ego thing for her. She wants to know that you still want her. Most likely she will make another attempt to contact you. Be prepared.
  10. desparatehousewife
    Of course there are successful relationships after infidelity. Both parties in the relationship are changed forever after infidelity. So, eventually either a marriage ends or becomes stronger.
  11. desparatehousewife
    Thank you for describing the day to day life of many women. I'll add that for many of us the situation is compounded by the lack of adult interaction on a daily basis. Before kids, a working couple are more equal in their lives. The daily comments from the cowokers of "great job!" or "nice outfit", etc help keep our self esteem in check. Then one day your life changes. After a while of being mother and housewife, it's easy to start feeling resentment towards the spouse who's day to day life hasn't been altered, who has lunch in a restaurant with adults daily, who is still getting the "atta boys". And in turn is probably feeling resentment towards you because you spend so much time taking care of the house and kids that you have nothing left for him. Resentment is the root of all affairs. I have read the replies from some men on this forum to you and other folks. When women cheat the term "SLEAZY" is used alot. One fellow was looking for advice after he found out his wife had cheated. When he admitted he was intimate with her soon after, the writer responded with "GROSS". The fellow soon after asked for only women to respond! So, thanks for sharing the circumstances of millions. And yes, we all know that proper communication with our spouse could have prevented the affair (for either party.) Hindsight is 20/20.
  12. desparatehousewife
    I've read your story and the responses. From a woman's point of view, there are two types of affairs. A physical affair and and affair of the heart. In my opinion, an emotional affair is far more dangerous to the marriage than a one night stand. She made a horrible mistake which without a doubt she feels remorse. In not telling you, she was trying to spare your feelings and I imagine was too humilated and ashamed to admit that she had been weak and done something that unfortunately happens all the time in our society. Women have had to openly deal with this type of situation for many many years and receive advice on "how to survive it and save the marriage". Just pick up any woman's magazine or turn on any talk show. Follow your heart. Find some confort in knowing that she did not give herself emotionaly to this other person Her heart belongs to you and that is the foundation you need to rebuild your marriage.
  13. desparatehousewife
    Most likely he encounters these crushes from many girls such as yourself. He's enjoying having you stroke his ego and I will bet that you will never get an invitation over to his place for dinner. His WIFE would not approve. He's playing you and the second you get too close he will cut you loose leaving you feeling used and rejected. You're looking for some validation to take this relationship further since you've posted it under "infidelity" and I don't think you're going to find it here. My guess is you will pursue this "hotty" and learn a life lesson the hard way. Good Luck!
  14. desparatehousewife
    Don't get so caught up in the details of the affair. He made a choice before meeting this woman to go outside the marriage for sex. They didn't bargain for the emotional involvement which is the more dangerous aspect of an affair. Stopping the physical involvment is easily done, but getting over an emotional involvment will not be. And as long as he is thinking and missing her, he continues to be unfaithful to you.
  15. desparatehousewife
    I'm sorry you're going thru this. First of all, without an admittance, there will never be an apology for you to decline or accept. Never doubt your gut. Save yourself years of heartache, humiliation and suspision. There are plenty of decent guys out there. And for him, what comes around ALWAYS goes around. Take some confort in knowing that!
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