nirvana_angel22

I have a boyfriend that seems to be a wet blanket for the most part lately. I love doing exciting things like going to the movies on opening night and going clubbing and doing exciting stuff like going on a cruise for New Years Day - you know to be excited and enjoy yourself on those days but my boyfriend is just a constant downer. The last Star Wars movie came out and I was all excited to go but he said his friend wanted to go and so i said okay even though I was disappointed because I really wanted to experience that opening night at midnight. THis year he knew I'd want to go again but the same friend asked him again and he says to me that he already asked him and so I'm feeling like I can't tell him he has to go with me. If I had asked him though, he'd tell me he's got exams that week and how can I be so unreasonable or some other lame excuse if its me. But now he's like so excited to go with this idiot friend of his. I'm so mad at that. It always comes down to him. It's like my feelings are optional. And i really feel like I'm just expendable depending on his mood. Now if I talk to him about how much I wanted to go watch something like Star Wars, he'll make me out to just be wanting too much.. he thinks I'm gonna enjoy watching it with him after wards - so that he'll already know what happened previously. Just the fact that he thinks that isn't a bad things makes me so angry. He'll just blow the whole thing off as me unable to deal with my feelings. Waht really ticks me off is that when it's convenient for him, he'll tell me that I need to study - like when he wants to do something with his buddy or something like that but when he needs to get soemthing done for himself then I'm totally expendable and free as a bird to do whatever. Then if I tell him I need to study it doesn't mean anything. He just wants everything to be rosy and nice without resolveing anything. Even if he can't do something like go to Star Wars with me at the midnight showing why cant' he do anything with me. I hate the way he acts like such a drag sometimes. Like the way he acted wiht Underworld, I was so excited to see it and he was like it's too dark and its' too this and then because he though it wouldn't be nice we didn't go and I really wanted to see it and then when it came out on DVD he saw it and thought it was good. It's things like that that frustrate me. Because he can do those negative things with me and it really gets to me and I tell him adn he just keeps doing it over and over and thinks everything is all hunky dory but in the middle of the night when I think about how he sounds to go with his friends for something that I would have enjoyed doing, it really really gets to me What can I do or tell him to make him understand how much what he does affects me. I'm so upset and angry and he just doesn't get it and continues to do things on purpose. His excuse is always that I made him mad and so I deserve whatever happens.

you can't make them show they're jealous. they won't give u that satisfaction. but you can go to a spa get your hair done go clubbing with friends and feel great. the breakup will hurt - i'm in a new relationship after breaking uo w my ex of 2 and half years - I'm still angry and hurt but my new boyfriend makes me thankful that love still exists. I stayed inside and was depresses 4 a long time and then i started going out again. meeting people, my advice to you is to go do that. Just get out after your anger lifts a bit. Meet the fantastic people that are out there.

sounds like she likes you but not necessarilly as a date. Don't do anything stupid, treat the situation as a friend coming over bc thats what it is. she may like you but you don't wanna make the sit uncomfortable.

I don't know if toys are such a good idea unless you're on holiday or something or its your anniversary and you're pulling something out of your bag of tricks. my bf and i have tried flavored condoms and he also got this warming lubricant for me - it was fun & naughty but sex is always better. We kinda stay away from the real toys though. makes us feel old to need those kinda stuff. so far we've never needed it, we just get creative. but each person is different, you could check if u like it or not. we tried the whipped cream thing and ice cubes- i didn't like it - too messy and cold! but we enjoyed the sex after anyway - so sure i guess u can go ahead anyway. if your relationship is strong - you'll be fine. have fun

hey sweetie I'm guilty of pushing my boyfriend away all the time but he knows me and sometimes he can be there sometimes he can't depending on my reaction. You don't have to just give in, you do need to talk but when u feel just anger coming out like I do count to 10. Thats some advice I got to ten, then instead of an angry word give her a kiss or ahug just hold her hand if you're scared shes gonna pull away and then pull her close. after this tell her what she said hurt you etc but keep calm and don't bring up breaking up because if u love her you don't really want that. I speak from experience - told my bf countless times I wanted it over when he didn't say the right thing but all we needed to do was talk calmly- of course a fight came in the way and the whole sit got worse bc we brought up breaking up. Think about and focus on the good things - like the way she says "I love you" or how she fussed over yo when you were sick or something - you know the good things. Think about that and your anger will dissipate, but if it doesn't don't say things to make it worse and don't talk about breaking up - take your space, feel your anger and after you'll cooled off talk. hope that helps, I'm doing the same things and I haven't had a horrible fight in 3 weeks.

how important is it to resolve a fight. when you're both talking and okay again is it okay to just forget it and move on?

hey you sound like you're going through exactly what i went through. my ex was abusive and i'm over emotional. I'm still not over him as you'll see if you read through my posts. but i also wanted to keep breaking up w him every time there was a little fight. it depends on you - you have to realise that it takes two it really does. if you want it to work, you gotta stop yourself from saying things you don't really mean or if you do mean them you gotta let go. I'm still trying to stop myself from saying the wrong things, hell i've even put up a post on it. If you love this girl and it seems like you do, try to calm down first and then talk and try comforting her and holding her when she's hurting. That's what she really wants you to do even if the words flying out of her mouth are cutting like razors. Talk softly, stop yourself from yelling. if you have to leave tell her something hopeful - like we'll talk later. If you don;t love her don't string her along. end it and end it fast before it gets more difficult to leave.

I'm kinda over emotional when I get upset. Like if my boyfriend is angry with me and says something that sounds uncaring I just loose all control of my emotions and break down crying worse than a funeral. If I could just stop that and be calm I would"nt fight w him so much. I've had physical injuries and never cried - but I can't seem to handle emotions. What do you do when words hurt so much ? I keep doing the wrong things like saying hurful things back or threatening to do stuff like driving somewhere shady and i know its wrong and when I'm not so over emotional I would never do anything like that but I get so worked up I just can't stop myself. I think I'm in love now but I'm screwing things up by reacting like this. I can barely stay away from the phone when I'm upset but even if I try to cool down for a couple hours I'm still so angry? I don't want to hurt this guy especially since he's been there for me when my ex turned my world upside down again. what should I do when I feel attacked? all I wanna do is fight back, but I don't want to hurt him!

been taking you guys advice and just leaving well alone. it's so hard though, I feel like something inside me died. he called me again. now. he was being a nice guy. said he didn't want to be the kind of guy that hurts his girlfriend. but he can't change. said he loved me with all his heart but he knows he will hurt me. how do i stop loving him? said he's hurting inside and he's been thinking of me everyday. he says he just doesn't show it. Now I'm just so confused. Whenever a new guy hits on me now I still feel guilty to smile back or anything. Why do i have this redundant need to be faithful? i doesn't feel right to hate him. but i know its not meant to be. what now?

Hi everyone I know I should be over all this by now but the things he told me still hurt even now. He was my first real love and I thought it was the one. But he always said my behavior was crazy and I needed to get help and like there was something wrong with me but I didn't just get mad over nothing like he didn't like me wearing a shirt without a bra for example, and sometimes you know you just forget and then he'd get extremely mad not the kind that just talks about it he'd start hanging up on me and I'd feel bad for forgetting but I'd think it was like an honest mistake I didn't mean anything by it and I'd call him back to apologize and like not make the situation worse but then he'd keep hanging up and being really nasty on the phone and then I'd get mad. Sometimes from situations like this he'd say something really mean like was I stupid did I have a brain or who am I dressing up for and stuff like that and I'd break down crying because I'd think that he's the one that knows me how could he think that. but then we'd get into an argument sometimes and it was usually me worried about him and what he's thinking in his head and making the whole situation something that it's not , I'd would stupidly drive over to his house and talk to him because he kept hanging up the phone. When I get there, he'll do things like tell me go away or he won't answer the door or he'd just come outside and tell me to leave him if i'm not happy with how he is - I'd ask him how he could say things so nasty and I'd tell him it really hurts me and I want it to stop and he'd just go that's the way he is adn I'm choosing him. Then I'd get really mad adn and my voice would get louder and I'd ask him what makes it okay for him to do this but i know he wouldn't let anyone ever him like that. And he'd just say he guesses that he needs someone who can really handle him. then he'd say that I know how this is going to turn out and if I know what's good for me, I'd better leave. Sometimes I was brave and I'd tell him exaclty what's on my mind - sometimes I'd be sobbing and he'd just stand there and tell me to leave him. He'll ask me do I want this and I'll tell him no, adn I'll ask him how is it possible to love someone when he treat them like that. HIs answer is that he does love me and He always comes back after the anger is over. That's his thing adn that I'm the one with the problem always that I push him over the edge by talking about it. IF you don't about what's bothering you, what else do you do. He never did make me stop hurting, he always made it worse. But THis would help me for future reference - I never want to go through this kind of horror again. If something is making me angry like if I'm mad at the fact that he's hanging up on me and doing stuff like that how do I deal with it without talking about it and without ever getting in situations like this? I don't ever want to be the desperate unloved girlfriend again. I want to be strong and fearless and never attatched again

Hi Everyone I've broken up with someone six months now but I'm still hurt and angry by the fact that everytime we almost broke up, I found it so difficult to stay away from him but he could just stay away so easily. It almost makes me jealous - no I am jealous that its so easy for him. Why was I the sniveling stupid girlfriend always driving to him for comfort and why was I always calling him back after he hangs up or cusses or does some other inexcusable thing to me??? I know I didn't see him the way he really was, I was still in love with the man that wasn't there anymore but why is only the girl that invests so much in the relationship that she can't bear to loose him? I sometimes wish I was like him and just didn't care but I'm not! Why can the guy just not care and not need to see the girl the same way. Have I just analysed the whole thing wrong is there more going on or is it really that easy for a guy? Somebody please tell me. It just hurts so much to know that it doesn't bother him and for me it feels like my entire world was falling apart!

Hey Hang in there. Its something about thinking that you finally found the one, even if it was just for a few months that everything is so incredible. I've been in this predicament. I've fallen in love deeply and hard and he was absolutely so damn incredible that everytime I ever tried to break up with him, if he just held me or pulled me close all my resistance would just melt away completely. ANd the sex was absolutely awesome and you're right we'd do it anywhere. And in the car, outside the mall, in the middle of teh day even at school but it was awesome. After feeling so lost and so lonely he would know exactly how to hold me tight and kiss me and make me feel unlonely and unlost you know? Of course the truth is I was just deluding myself. he wasn't a good guy just like she's not the one for you. My guy never flirted with other woman but he had a real nasty temper where he would tell me that eventually he'd get physical. And every time I knew I needed to get away from him - I'd be so close but he knew exactly what to do and the fact is I did want to be comforted. NOw even though I still remember what he was like and it was so damn incredible I just think about my current interests. I'm not ready for a serious relationship again yet. I was with this guy for two years. Its been six months now adn I'm still feeling what you're going through. Just have a good support system and feel the feelings. Don't cheat , go through the denial the anger the depression and finally the acceptance. And then go on and have a new relationship having learned more and knowing what not to do adn what not to accept. I'm still int the anger and depression stage, moving onto acceptance slowly. But hey just going out on dates - no sex for a while, gotta clean out my system is fun and helps me heal. Try it. It seems to work for me.

Hi Amy Sue I don't know if guys are just jerks or what but they seem to be blind about what they do to us. I'm in a relationship 3 years now and I don't know where I stand either. In the beginning its all good, and rosy and you want it to last forever. They really do want to spend time with you and think about you all the time and then the real him come out - that s what I think now. but the thing is you have already fallen in love with that sweet guy that exists somewhere in him. The trick to the riddle is to give up on ever being totally with the sweet guy only. Are you really willing to wait forever for someone he only becomes for a fraction of the time? The truth is that the nasty guy is who he is. TRY TO ACCEPT that truth and you'll start falling out of love with him. THat's what I'm doing right now. I had plans to have a family and live happilly ever after at one time, but now, after three agonising and blissful years both emotions entwined in each other simultaneously, I think he's not the one and I can't keep loving him. I'm starting to fall out of love with him. Its slow but it will happen. Remember though, Don't pick up the damn phone. He can leave you hanging because hes a damn guy, so don't you call him. you be strong for you. see what's in front of you - see him the way he is now and not the way you fell in love with him. you'll be okay. We all will.