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KeepItReal1607306446

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  1. Every couple that I have heard speak about marriage, and have been married a long time (like decades), says you go through periods of not "feeling" love for your spouse. They kept going and worked at it based upon commitment. The feelings do come back if you stick it out and maintain your commitment and vows. Remember, love is not a feeling, love is something you do. Please don't make any decisions based on feelings. Feelings will always come and go. Take the advice of the previous poster and romance your wife again. Do it when you don't even feel it. You will reap what you sow and eventually you are going to like the fruit you get from the seed you planted. Three kids also changes a marriage quite a bit, and you hve to remember this is just a phase. (One day, they will leave the house.) You are going to have to try some new things with these new changes to your household. But whateber you do, don't give up on your marriage, maintain your commitment and work through it.
  2. Hi Mikeyc, I really wish I had an answer for you. The ending you want goes up against major odds. You both are really hurting! Just as you say you are hurting and she doesn't care, I am sure she felt the same way as she was hurting and continues to do so. There's a lot of healing that needs to take place. It will take time and may also take some counseling. Also, do you feel bad about the abortion, because it split up the relationship or because you now sincerely believe abortion is wrong? There's a big difference! If it is not godly sorrow and repentance for the actual deed, and not just the results, a woman (not to mention God himself) will know even if she doesn't really understand or can express why she feels the way she does. If possible, suggest she go see a post-abortion counselor. Don't suggest it only with the hopes of getting her back, but as a genuine friend who wants to see her healed from this whether you two are together or not. If you both went, whethere together or separate, that would be fantastic! Seeking clergy counseling helps a lot of people as well. I also think that she wouldn't want the relationship to be the same as before with the non-committal issues. She shouldn't have to ask you to marry her. If you think she is a queen, you should be very willing to make her your queen and not drag you feet about it. Two years is more than enough time to know if she is the one. That's emotionally draining for a woman. You received many of the benefits of a wife by living with her, but didn't give her the honor of actually being a wife. There's a whole lot of wanting to have your cake and eat it too going on here. To be honest Mike, the noncommitment issue and the abortion encouragement displays self-centeredness. You are going to have to work this out of your heart, then you will be able to genuinely show it forth toward her (or anybody else). You need to show her that things are not going to be the same, and not only better, but RIGHT -- that you are sincerely ready to commit and do things right. For different results, you are going to have to do some different (and probably very humbling) things. You'll have to be willing to sacrifice many of your own wants and desires and show it through action, not lip service. Do some soul searching. If you are not ready to marry her, don't be self-centered and waste more of her time, let her go. Sorry about the preachiness, but that's the reality of this thing. I really hope everything works out...but it will take right motives, a lot hard and humbling work, and some time. I hope you want it bad enough to do what it takes.
  3. It seems like you do okay at not answering the phone, now use that same technique on the door. Do not answer it! Sever the ties completely and do not allow this man to drop lines into your head. Do not give him the opportunity. If you don't hear it, then there's nothing to dwell on. Also, I would change my telephone number, when I could just as easily use caller ID and enable the option that forces people with private numbers and who intentionally block their phones, to release their number. That way, when he calls, you just ignore the telephone number. You can even put a block on the phone to reject his number. Eventually he'll get the picture and go away. Whatever you do, just don't give him the opportunity to get into your head. And lastly, don't let friends talk about him and what he is up to either. Focus your mind on positive thoughts and other useful activities.
  4. I'm sorry to hear about your unfortunate situation. Abortion really does cause a lot of damage and has all types of side effects. Most relationships do not last after an abortion. There are all type of psychological reasons that can lead to a split. Although society tries to say killing a baby in the womb is okay, it is totally unnatural and creates unnatural results...like immediately losing feelings over one relationship and seeking solace with someone else. Women who want to keep a baby, but receive suggestions from their boyfriend or husband to abort the baby, receive that as a rejection of not only the baby, but of them as well. Abortion also is not good for a woman's body and when a man encourages a woman to go have one, it is like saying I don't care about your health, your body, or the baby, I only care about me, me, me! Needless-to-say, that's a turn off. For someone who wants to keep the baby, they will mourn the death of the baby in one way or another and sooner or later. As the encourager of the abortion, you cannot comfort her. She is also probably feeling guilt and to stay with you would be a constant reminder. All of this only scratches the surface of what goes along with an abortion. When all is said and done, it will definitely breach the relationship, and the relationship will not be the same.
  5. Nothing good will become of a relationship with a married man. Even if he does get divorced, the relationship was inititated with deception. You reap what you sow. When the seeds of deception have been sowed, no good fruit is going to come from that. Also, if he cheated on the previous wife with you, you have every reason to think that there's a good chance it will happen to you too. Get out of that adulterous situation.
  6. You knew the answer to your question before you even wrote the post. Totally sever ties with this man. Get out of there now. Heed the good advice of the other two posters. The longer you hang around, the worst it is going to get. You are being co-dependent to this foolishness. You cannot change a man, he has to do it himself. Even if he does decide to get, you need to sever ties now!!! I also suggest getting counseling for yourself to determine how you attracted this kind of person and how not to do it again. I pray God's protection over you and God's wisdom for you.
  7. Young Lady, I'm sorry to hear about your predicament. I'm gonna be straightforward with you though... When men want something bad enough, they'll make the sacrifice. From your post, the only one who seems to be making a sacrifice is you. I must tell you that if you keep pampering him like crazy, he'll go further away. Many women make this mistake; especially, young women. The reason it doesn't feel right, feels unnatural, and feels all backward, is because IT IS! Stop sending him all that stuff and chasing him. He should be doing more of the giving than you are doing. Men are givers and women are receivers. When these roles get reversed, things do not bode well for the relationship even if you do snag him into marriage. You should be enjoying having someone court you. After you are married, you'll have plenty of giving to do; don't go jumping the gun. You are making it way too easy for this guy, coming off desparate, and are actually turning him off. I am recommending 2 books to you: 1) "The Rules" by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider 2) "Secrets of an irresistible Woman" by Michelle McKinney Hammond As you stop pursuing him; he may become more intrgued with you (if it is not too late already) If not, let it go. Also, at 20 years old, you will DEFINITELY love again and hopefully love within a healthy relationship. It may not feel like it now, but I promise you, as time heals the wounds, you will!
  8. My mother didn't raise a fool and this is what she taught me..."When in doubt, DON'T." There is a nagging warning signal going off in your head and you need to heed it. Those signals are always right. Heed the red flag! Do not meet this person you've become attached to over the Internet. As a matter of fact, totally sever the online relationship; otherwise, you are going to end up with a clingy psycho on your hands that will take far longer to get rid of (if you can) than the time you've already wasted. Make like a track star and RUN!
  9. Absolutely, positively do not pursue an extramarital affair. That strong attraction you feel is nothing but lust. Pursuit of that will lead to nothing but disaster for you, your marriage, and your reputation. You have to make a conscious decision and effort to not dwell on this other woman. Stay away from the places she goes. Do not have conversations about her with your friends; as a matter of fact, make it clear to your friends you want to do the right thing and to not talk about her with you for any reason. Think on positive things about your wife. Love is an action word, not a feeling. It is something you do, not feel. Put that attention on your WIFE and nurture her and you'll be amazed at how she will respond to you. Remember, you made a vow; that is, a contract before God and man to love your WIFE and forsake all others. Do not deceive her or yourself and bust up that contract. What God has put together, let no one put asunder. Lastly, you can pray to God for the strength and self control to stay out of adultery. Especially, pray for your wife and to see her and love her as God does. It'll change your whole perspective.
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