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Lola55

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  • Birthday 05/31/1983

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  1. How do I truly let go for good? I have been broken up with my ex for a few years now. Our friendship has been strong but rocky ever since. He was very careless with me, I ended up hurt a lot. I always knew that I was moving on or that I had moved on. However, I never let go of the idea that some day in the future we might get together again. Now after being involved with him for 5 months (very sticky situation), I ended up hurt again. This time I feel different. I feel like he has done too much. Like I have been drained of any faith in him. So I know what I have to do. I need to let go of the idea of me and him at any point in my life. Although I truly do not know what the future holds, I know that at this point in time he does not deserve to have me in his life. I also do not deserve to care so much for someone who is so selfish and careless with my feelings. How do I let go of that idea? How do I let go of the guy I was once in love with 3 years ago? I am able to date other guys and am not sitting around crying over him like I would normally, but I want this idea of him gone. I want to stop thinking that one day he will be the same guy I loved for so many years because I don't know if he can ever go back to being that. He has chenged so much and is so not the person I once loved. I feel it is the only thing holding me back, the only thing that has kept me forgiving all of the bad things he has done. I need to let go of the picture I have of him in my mind. How? Help me do this please...
  2. Thank you all so much for the input. I feel that he does have very selfish tendencies, not just with me, in general. When it comes to me I take things very hard cause I am the opposite (always trying to please others etc..). I care for him deeply and I know him on a level like no other. So when he does things like this, I can't wrap my head around it. When I tell him he has hurt me (and I always do), he is sincere in his apology and I know he always regrets what he has done. There have been times when he has cried cause he can't understand why he keeps on doing this to me. I know that I could just brush off a lot of things that people do to me, but with him I simply cannot. I don't feel that he has the right to claim ignorance anymore, but I just don't understand what could be behind all of this. If he has resentment or contempt for me I don't know why. He was the one who broke up with me, and he was the one who always pushed and pushed to keep me in his life. There were times I accepted the fact that he would no longer be a part of it but he would always come around and push me some more. So I don't know what it is. He has told me that he cares about me more than anything. I am the first person he goes to to talk about things and when we do fight we communicate so well that we can always talk it over. I just can't keep getting hurt like this though. I am at a loss when it comes to this situation. I always take time away and then find myself back in the same spot somehow. It is a cycle.
  3. Am I stupid or is it just love? When someone who you care deeply about hurts you more than once and you keep forgiving them are you letting them walk all over you? or could it be just because you love them and know that they never truly meant to hurt you. My ex has hurt me a number of times. Everytime I know he was being careless. He was only thinking of himself. He would never deliberately hurt me. But sometimes the fact that he was not thinking at all hurt me more than anything. Yet here I am and he is still in my life. Not as a boyfriend, but as a close person to me. And he we are again facing another incident. He hurt me again in a big time way. I don't know what to do. I know I need time away from him to let this heal and blow over but I don't know if I should write him of or slowly forgive all over again. I am only human and I can only take so much...but I do love him and care. I feel like he needs to learn from his mistakes but I don't know how that can happen. I am just so confused and fed up of always being back in this place. Everything could be great if he would just be as considerate and caring as he says he is. I would never hurt him in any way, and I think that's why he can hurt me so much.
  4. You are all so right. I know deep down in my heart that I need to walk away. I feel that we are right for eachother but the timing is off right now. thereforeeee, I have a hard time not thinking about what might be in the future when I am with him. I am scared it's true. I am scared that if I let go he won't be here when the timing is right. However, I do know that this is selfish and unrealistic and that if we are meant for one another none of this will matter in the end. He has changed a lot which makes it harder. He wants to right all of the wrongs he has made in the past and he is making an effort to treat me with respect and show me that he does care and love me and that he is truly sorry for how he acted before. I forgive him but I am still scared it could happen again...I am just not 100% ready to let go of all that hurt and pain. I know in time I will be but not now. So there it is, I need to put my trust in how I feel and do what is right for me. If he does love me like he says and if things do change for good then maybe things will be different in time. I'm just not ready to let him back in.... I feel like we are breaking up but we're not...I have just been getting used to hanging out and talking to him for the past few months that now I feel very lonely and I miss him. I know I have to do this...it's just really hard when you love someone so much.
  5. I try and try and try to forgive all the bad things that have happened in the past but the hurt/painful feelings always show up out of nowhere and I can't keep ignoring them. Here is a bit of background: Dated ex for 4 years and had a bad break-up. The following 2 years were filled with him saying he wanted to be friends but treating me like crap over and over until our friendship no longer existed aside from a superficial one. Now he has been making an effort to be back in my life. We were sleeping together but it has stopped. We have feelings for one another but neither of us is ready to commit...or wants to due to the fact that we are still unsure. But he is pushing to have a close friendship with me. 50% of me wants this close friendship. The other half is still hurt and is telling me to get far awar from him. Can I ever have this close friendship? Or should I accept the fact that unless we are together as a couple one day we have to have a casual friendship? I feel like being close friends is too intense especially since there are feelings still there and since a big part of me is still hurt over the past. What do I do? I am scared to let him go and have it go back to the way it was (i.e superficial friendship) because I do love and care for him. But is it better for me to just let it go and know that if we are meant to be we will be one day....
  6. i think you are right. We need to stop the intimate stuff. It is hard because it feels so good. But if we are not ready to be with one another than it has to end. Any tips on how to stop? haha
  7. Ok...so my last post was about how me and my ex have been sleeping together/spending a lot of time together but don't want a relationship right now. Here is what has been happening since... We are still hanging out/talking on the phone all the time. The sex is stopping (we had a few slip ups), and we both agree it needs to end. However, I am confused now about what to do. We are both not ready to let go of the relationship we have developed over the last few months. The hanging out, the talking all the time, the cuddling, the comfort. He thinks that if we cut out the sex but just have all that other stuff then we are just "friends". I disagree. I think if we just want to be friends then all the emotional attachment and everything should stop to, we should act like just friends. I don't want to let go of all of that though. I like it a lot. We both talked about how confusing it is for us to be so close. Its like, we want to give it time before we get back together (if we get back together), we both like eachother a lot, we are both so attracted to eachother, we have a huge history, and we love one another. Sooooo how do we act? Is it ok to keep doing this without the sex? Are alll those other things just as damaging as the sex could have ended up being? Is it all or nothing? Help please!!
  8. you have no idea how much I want that kind of intimacy you are describing. I have been broken up with this guy for almost 3 years now and have yet to find anyone like him. I have had flings and I dated one guy for like 4 months but other then that I have had nothing. I am finding it soo hard to meet a new guy of interest. There are times when I feel like something is wrong with me. There are other times when I feel like he is the one for me, and that I will never find anything better. I know he does not want to commit to me but I don't want to commit to him either...I just like the way it makes me feel when I am with him. I need to stop doing this and I know that. That is not the issue here. The issue is how to stop it. I have had to do NC on and off with this guy all these years and he still makes his way back into my life somehow. Just when I think he is out of it for good I let him back in or he pushes until I do. This time I gave in again, and now I am in very deep. I am struggling to let go.....its so hard when I have nothing else to look forward to or to show me that I CAN do better than him. Right now i just don't know if I can....and the side of me that says I can't always seems to win.
  9. When we have sex we are very intimate too. We spend a lot of time together and connect with one another on so many levels. I guess I am holding on to both of these things. I enjoy the feeling of not only the sex but the comfort and intimacy.
  10. I don't know how to let go of him. I know one day I will want to be with him but right now I am not sure. I know that seems to make no sense at all but its how I feel. I feel like we need time. I just can't let go of him completely, I don't know how and I don't know if I can. I am not ready for him right now, but I don't want to lose him either.
  11. I have been sleeping with my ex boyfriend for almost 3 months now and I can't stop. I know it is wrong, I know I should tell him to take a hike but it feels so good to do it that I give in. Not only do I give in, I seek it out. I want it and I think about it all the time. How do I stop? How can you stop doing something that makes you feel so good? I know in my head its wrong, I just can't tell my body to listen to me.
  12. I agree that we need to let go of eachother until we are ready and 100% certain that we would want to get back together. But does this mean we can't stay friends? Will it be too hard to keep him in my life in that way? I just look back and I know that we were never able to fully let go of one another in that sense. We have always been pushing to be friends and to be a part of eachothers life. So you think that will hold me back and make me go in circles? Or is it possible to make something like that work? If we stop sleeping together that is.
  13. I can see your point but I am not ready to settle down with him. I am not ready to start thinking about long term...I can see myself marrying him one day but I am only 23, it is too soon to be thinking that way. It freaks me out because he is the only guy I have ever loved. I have been with other guys but I don't know anything better than him. What if there is better? What if I get together with him now, get married and niether of us will ever know? We will always be wondering. It could lead to resentment, I just want to be 100% certain that he is the one for me before I jump into something that heavy and that serious. It is a big deal, its not something I can figure out now, I need time and so does he.
  14. Recently me and my ex have been sleeping together. It has been getting intense. The thing is that neither of us has had the nerve to discuss why we are doing this. When we are together we cuddle, hold hands, and do things that couples do, but we won't say we want to start dating and we are dating other people. Last night I cracked and brought it up. I needed to see what we were both thinking and I just wanted to know what is going on. We both agreed that the thought of us getting back together is super scary. Scary in the sense that it would be HUGE. We dated for almost 4 years before and it was serious. So starting up a new relationship would mean big commitment and it would probably be very long term (if it worked out). So we both said that we were nowhere near ready for something like that at this point in our lives. In my head I feel like I want to date other guys, I still need to know that he is the best thing that has happened to me. thereforeeee, I need to see if I can find love in that way again. If I can't after a while of trying then I may know better. If I find love and it is better than he has ever been to me then I will know that are not meant to get back together....see what I am saying here? I know he is thinking that exact same thing too. Soooo here is where I'm stuck. Do I continue this love affair? Or should I let him go completely in order to fully see what he means to me and what I mean to him? I know that if we do get back together it won't be for a few more years so where do I place him in my life? It is a complicated situation, I just don't know how we should be treating eachother.
  15. Thanks for the replies...they are helping a lot. I have thought about talking to him about getting back together. I don't think we are ready for it right now, but i have wanted to discuss it in general. However, I can't bring myself to do it. I want to preserve my pride (i know that sounds bad). But I am sick of him having all of the power. When we broke up he had it all, I gave it to him. And for years I struggled with that. He hurt me a lot and it took a long time to be able to have a friendship with him. I just don't want to put myself out there. Also, I am not even sure if that would be something I would want in the future. I have thought about it yes, but I am confused about how I feel. I don't want to get ahead of myself and bring up something that I might not even want. Also, i wanted to update you all on my best friend situation. When I wrote this I had not told anyone about the thing I have going on with my ex. On the weekend I told my best friend. She was not happy about it, but she is willing to hear me out. We are gonna talk more about it today, but I guess it just felt good to get it off my chest. I knew she would not be ok with it, I just needed to tell her anyway.
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