equal marriage

Trust, respect, compassion and commitment are the floor on which you build love and a strong marriage. Being "found out" can be emparrassing and scary, it however shoudl not be paralyzing- referring to your partner not taking an action to improve the situation. Many marriages can be "saved" and can even become stronger if both parties are willing to give it try- to get help- professional help.

I agree with chai above...seek counseling and go to an AA meeting together. You mentioned that you adored his son and for him, your children and yourself try to work this out a little longer. Making it clear to yourself and your spouse that this is situation is not going to continue and that you are seeking help and you feel that he too should offer ideas is a positive place to start.

Time to move on. She's not willing to take the chance and you deserve to find someone who is. If she happens to show interest again, perhaps stating that being her yo-yo is of no interest. Let her pursue you and you decide.

Nix the text messaging. Too often people with technology at their fingertips lack the ability to think about what they are saying or what they mean. The yo-yo she has you on is unfair. Ask her to met you for lunch and ask her to be honest with you. If she says she's is not sure how she feels again then it may be best to be friends for awhile, allow each other to hang out with your friends and see how you feel after a couple of weeks. Make a commitment to only speak in person or on the phone.

Having been together for 3 years, you may want to meet for lunch soon and see where he is at. Again, be honest with how you are feeling and be open to his honesty as well.

It is impossible to ensure that nothing will go wrong before you marry or when you are married. Part of relationships and marriage are the ups and downs (you said you just had one). These "wrongs" and "rights", ups and downs are what make a relationship strong and allows them to grow and progress. There will never be a "right" time. There will be times where you feel comfortable with each others goals, incomes, and communication and that's when the next step becomes natural. Keep communicaiton open and HONEST. Ir sounds like he is being honest. You need to be honest with yourself as well. If you want more from him, ask yourself why..if it's security (that really means trust- and that is built over time). A marriage license is not security, trust is security. Move in when it makes sense for you.

If someone has decided to take a break then they need time to figure out, generally, if the compromises and/or feelings that they have are worth continuing and moving forward into something more serious. A "break" with no communication is not usually a good sign. I am guessing you have not been together for very long or live together. Being honest with yourself, while not what you hoped, is the best way to go. You may want to contact your ex and let them know that you want them to be honest. Keeping each other in limbo is not healthy or healing.

Unfortunately, your girlfriend is in a position many others find themselves in when a marriage goes sour. One of the best places to start is to accept that the loan company gives no "get off loan free card" when their name is not it- whether a couple is separatin gor divorced. Separating this issue from her feelings about the divorce, revenge and spite will help her take proactive steps to resolution. The fact that he opened another credit card and is defaulting on the house payments is happening simply because he can- whether its moral is another story. So what to do: She should obtain a recent credit report. She should speak with a trained financial advisor about her rights and responsiblities. She may wish to contact the loan/ mortgage company in writing and on the phone regarding the situation. She sould let them know that she is aware of the issue and that she is investigating steps necessary to resolve the issue. While this will not likely change the banks action, they will at least be aware that one of the two parties who signed the agreement is aware and is doing something about it. She may wish to contact The Federal Trade Commission about what to do (toll free number): 1-877-FTC-HELP. Their website has info on credit and how to protect yourself. Her being nice, I hope is for her own well being and not for the sake of her ex. He is obviously not trying to be nice. For more info on divorce and debt and credit issues I recommend Equality in Marriage Institute's Website.

One the best steps you can take is to educate yourself on the laws of your state. There are several sites that can help you with this, divorcesource is one of the largest divorce sites. Equality in Marriage Institute will also give you some great direction. Now back to how do you start writing down what you have/ want. Start with what you co own/owe, for example: car, apartment, house, land, boat, loans, credit cards, gas credit cards, store credit cards, memberships to health clubs or shopping clubs, etc. List, as best you can, the value of each, how much is left to pay on any of them, how they were paid for (you paid form a savings account, he used his tax refund, you split the cost). What legal papers are your names on?- lease, loan, deed? Now you can move on to smaller stuff- what around your residence is "yours" (meaning you bought it or use it more?) what do you share equally- ie tv, stereo, living room furniture? What accounts to share? Do you have any money that only you have access to? You should have copies of recent bank statement for you and your spouse. Any stock investments? Once you have idea of what your laws are in your state and a list of what you have together, with notes as to what you want, you can then feel confident when interviewing lawyers. Some other must read sites belong to The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and Womansdivorce.