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TheRawTruth

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TheRawTruth last won the day on March 14 2013

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  1. I think that part is normal. Or, a little different, rather. That's private 1 on 1 chat between you and one other person. I'm speaking more about what we see on public posts for everyone to join in on. Taking it to messenger after that is fine but the issue is getting a good Facebook discussion started in the first place so that it CAN progress to messenger. I don't even see as much of a general discussion on FB as I'd like. There's SOME, but like you said, maybe not things that would interest us personally. Yes. Those are the kind of groups I like. But even those are few and far between these days. I have heard that mom groups are better but, I'm clearly not a mom so I'm not in those lol. I am in a couple that have all written posts/topics though, which I like.
  2. I can't speak on why THAT'S important, but I wish there was more substantial conversation on Facebook rather than memes and video shares. I prefer real discussions more than the fluff that most users post.
  3. I normally have a LOT to say on these threads. (I'm not on here much, but my responses are usually quite detailed when I am.) TODAY though? I don't. I had a lot going through my mind reading your initial post. (I started this sh*t at LEAST 2 weeks ago and never came back until now to read it. Tab still up and everything, I just never had time to sit down and finish.) But with it being six pages and the issues starting in December/January, I decided to skip to the end to see if there was an update. (No use commenting on stuff that's done and over with by now.) Sure enough, there was. So instead of commenting on the whole thing as originally planned, I'll just say that I wish you better with the next girl than you got with this one brother. I could say a lot more, but for now I will just leave it here.
  4. I want you to think about a few things, OK? #1: You didn't even think about the questions (or "red flags" as you put them) that you don't know the answers to, until now, simply because you were so swept away in everything else. (And if you DID think about that stuff, you still didn't ASK those questions, OR care that he didn't give much info if you DID ask those questions.) You were caught up in how good everything felt. #2: He knew you were a lonely widow. He knew your husband wasn't always the nicest guy to you. He knew you how to get you hooked. He knew you'd fall in love with the attention he gave you. He knew the deep long conversations would affect you and have him on your mind 24/7. (And he was RIGHT.) So when he asked you to visit him, you'd say YES. #3: What's the one thing that's changed since before your visit and after your visit? He had sex with you. NOT that there's anything WRONG with that. It's NATURAL to have sex with someone you feel close to. But in YOUR case, it was MORE than just sex. You're damn near in LOVE with this guy. It's VERY possible that he didn't want much more than a few days of fun, and he knew how to get it. #4: Now that he's achieved his goal, he doesn't have to continue to put all that extra time and effort in. Men chase. Now that he has you, he doesn't have to chase you anymore. Now that he's "HAD" you, he doesn't have the DESIRE to chase anymore. Should you back off? Yeah. I would. Should you tell him you've noticed a definite change in how much he contacts you? That's up to you. You're worried that you'll scare him away by coming off too needy, saying that. But the truth is, he's not showing much interest right now ANYWAY. So if it DOES scare him off, he was just looking for an excuse to stop talking to you. And "Being needy" will be just the excuse he needs to cut off communication so YOU can feel like you did something wrong when in REALITY, you did NOTHING wrong. He was more clingy than you were in the beginning, so how can he be mad at you for expecting that to continue? Don't let him manipulate you if he tries.
  5. There's no way your statement at the end came off differently than what you intended. Your intent was to let him know that you aren't putting out just because he took you on a date. He received the message, but didn't like it. He wanted sex. He realized he wasn't going to get it for at least a few more dates, and didn't wish to put that type of effort in. And if he DOES put the effort in (just long enough to GET it) you're gonna be even MORE disappointed if he disappears right AFTER you two have sex. So let him contact you. Don't go chasing after him. Actually no. Scratch that. If you're really curious, send him a text. WHY do I say this? It's simple. Because I know how I used to be. If a girl told me no sex right away, I'd assume she didn't like me, and move on. I don't feel that way ANYMORE, but if he's anything like I was at that age, he might think the same thing. So, sending a text could at least let him know there's an interest. See if he responds to it. You still don't want to be the chaser though. It was bad enough YOU had to confirm a date HE ASKED you on, after he went cold for 5 days. So, be careful. It could go either way.
  6. Why would you have to tell your elderly parents ANYTHING? So they can judge her and be disappointed in her like YOU are? Why do that if you feel like the news could kill your father? All so you can stop supporting her financially? If she's making as much money as you SAY she is, she should be able to support HERSELF financially, shouldn't she? Now, if you feel that strongly about it, and you're against it, just tell her "If you wanna keep the page up, that's fine. But you'll have to pay for your own college." If she protests or complains, say "What's the big deal? If your page is that successful, you shouldn't need my money anyway!" Wait for her response. Btw, how do YOU know she has an OnlyFans? Were you creeping on OnlyFans yourself? If so, how can you judge her?
  7. What I would do, is ask her about HER friendships. Who is her best friend, or her longest friend. A simple "Oh yeah, you guys close?" can get her to go on and on about that friend which opens up the subject. So when she asks, "What about you?" You can tell her how much you value friendship. You can mention the Italy thing if you want to, or you can just say "I actually have lots of people I consider friends. Guys AND girls. Nooo, not like THAT. I mean ACTUAL friends, like platonic. I don't get to see them much because many live out of state, but I value them." This way, the conversation is happening. She's aware of it. She understands your view on things, and it's not a surprise later. You don't have to say "25 of them are girls but only 6 of them are guys." No. There's no REASON to say that. She didn't ask. Sometimes the specifics are unnecessary unless they inquire. If they do, fine. But volunteering the AMOUNT of friends when you already think she may react negatively is counterproductive. Make it clear that you'd happily introduce you to all of them. But ALSO make sure she likes you as much as you like HER. So far, you've said you LOVE her very much, but you've only been on 5 dates. So let's be sure the feelings are mutual before you invest so much.
  8. OK. On one hand (in your initial post) you complained that he made no effort, and didn't plan any dates. But in this comment, you're minimizing it (and even justifying it) by saying he was broke and struggling. i.e. "So of COURSE he couldn't plan dates!" (So then why complain to begin with?) But I digress. Let me get to the important part... When you started backing away, he got scared that you would leave and told you he would change. The question is, DID he? You gotta hold a person's feet to the fire when they do that. If he changed temporarily, but then started slacking again, you should've backed off again. If he DIDN'T change for the better (at ALL) then it should have NEVER GOTTEN to the point where he was able to break up with YOU. You should have dumped HIM long before that, INSTEAD of continuing to do things for him. If he's being a jerk, why are you continuing to kiss his ass? Were you hoping he would see your effort and reciprocate? Listen. ALL guys like him promise to change when they see a girl slipping away. Then they revert back to the same douchebag they were before, once they get comfortable again. This is textbook behavior. He's not unique. He's predictable. And in this case, once he got comfortable, and knew you wouldn't actually leave him, he stopped pretending. That's why he didn't care when you'd get upset. He was no longer afraid that you were slipping away so he treated you poorly without a care in the world. (In short, he was an ass.) Your mistake was allowing him to behave that way without any consequences. All in all, I don't believe you're a bad person. Nor will I condemn you for wanting people to like you. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be included in things and have friends. But you can't allow yourself to be disrespected just for the privilege. No. Their friendship is not a prize that you must earn by letting them walk all over you. You might be afraid that by standing up for yourself it will piss them off and/or LOSE you their friendship. But if that happens, is that really the type of friend you want in your life?
  9. Did she ASK for time to consider that? Because it sounds like she's the one that MADE it happen and didn't need time to consider it. If anything, that month of her being distant WAS the time she took to make sure this was the right decision. Now, doing it in a text was rather cowardly on her part. But what I'd really want to know if I were you, is WHY? WHY did she decide to end it? Out of nowhere? Seems odd. Sometimes an answer (closure) is helpful in moving on.
  10. Your boyfriend is dragging you down. (Sorry to be so blunt, but it's the truth.) And, unfortunately, the love you FEEL for him, and your desire to BE with him, will be what CONTINUES to drag you down. I want you to think about something for a second... When you voiced your opinion (maybe even frustration) about the situation, he said "Keep that up and you'll be single." That's his way of saying "If you insist on holding me ACCOUNTABLE, and wanting me to be a MAN, I'll just break up with you." In other words, he's WILLING TO GIVE YOU UP for telling him how you FEEL. On the other hand, you're willing to KEEP HIM, even as HE'S the one causing you to feel this way in the FIRST place! Think about that for a second. Who do you think is more important to whom, in this relationship? He: lays around all day, smoking weed, playing video games and other types of nothingness. Borrows money from others instead of making it himself. Allows you to be the breadwinner all by yourself then gets mad at you and threatens to dump you if you dare complain about it. You: work extra shifts so he can avoid working at all. Put your own hobbies and interests on the backburner so that he can enjoy his. Only borrow money because HE won't carry HIS half of the weight, and are WILLING TO STAY WITH HIM during ALL of this madness. Does this sound like a relationship that will last? Does it sound like a relationship you'll be happy in, long term? What would happen if you two had kids? How much harder would things be? REALLY THINK about these things before you just say "I love him" or bring up the times "he can be really sweet." No. This is real sh*t right here. Adult stuff. And he's not behaving like one. Ask yourself how long you're willing to put up with that, and how far you're willing to be dragged down BECAUSE of him. Mess up your credit? Get evicted? How much will you risk just so he can act like a teenager with no consequences?
  11. Yeah you don't need that. Even if you miss him, be glad it's over. If you pick it back up again, you'll only experience more of the same.
  12. So is the issue that you can't meet his friends, or is the issue him being cold and distant, while seeming to gaslight you? Either way, it doesn't sound like you're happy. I can't speak on the cell phone incident because I don't know anything about a "quick message" feature. Nor do I get how messaging one of the callers would let your boyfriend know his phone was safe. Especially since he didn't have the phone to RECEIVE the message. I'm confused by that. But be that as it may, I'm not sure who ended things here. You say YOU did, but he seems to have just as many problems with you as you do him. So this NEEDED to end. Now, as for him gaslighting you, I would have responded by reminding him of all the times I DID pay (and offer to pay) on my own and then say "So how have I never tried to pay? I just gave you multiple examples so you're full of it." Then wait for his response. But since it's over, it doesn't matter. He may have been gaslighting, but even if he wasn't, it sounds like it was going downhill regardless.
  13. She's already told you what she wants, and why you have to be apart. She also said she'd search for you when she was ready. The only thing YOU haven't done is ACCEPT it. Now, I can understand you wondering if she's actually being HONEST or not (maybe she ISN'T) but in TRUTH, it doesn't really MATTER. She's deciding to cut you off. Regardless of the reason, whether it's about her ex, this job, or she just made up with him. The fact is, she wants to stop talking. You have to abide by those wishes.
  14. Right. Which is why I said "You still don't know him. Pump the breaks until you can verify some of the things that intrigue you so much." The question is, do you see this going anywhere?
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