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willdation

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About willdation

  • Birthday 02/28/1982

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  1. OK...heres another idea as to why being too gentle may be perceived as not such a good thing and why it is important to be able to have integrity and a "back bone" Ok...I think the reason why women do not want guys to be "too gentle"..most of the time anyways from my experience and all my friends....is that there is a deeper purpose behind this... HAve you ever taken a history course and asked yourself how could people do negative things in the workd (ie..Holocaust) just because they were "following orders" ? actually..most of histories saddest moments are a result of people not having a "back bone" or Inegrity and standing up for their beliefs (as long as they are well intentioned anyways)... so.maybe its not being gentle taht pushes women away...but lacking INTEGRITY...You can be sensitive to others, but do not let others walk all over you and stand up for what you believe in..that really is the underlying layer of masculinity and confidence that most women seek....not just looks...you can have a body builder who is the biggest wuss and that would probably be enough to turn a lot of girls off..
  2. Here's some of my input.. Ok...I think your problem goes a lot deeper and CAN be solved. First, just remember that YOU are in control and ONLY YOU will be responsible for your life at the end. If you can get around that, then everything should fall into place.... First of all, I am getting the impression that the way you feel may not be directly from a lack of masculinity, but rather that you feel you cannot relate to others, or rather, that others cannot related to you...You made reference to your music, so maybe you are just sort of an artistic person and creative and cannot relate to people (who or non musicians or artists) on that level? Also, you metnioned something about not fitting into the social fabric or something like that...I know what you mean, there are some things you see in society around you that you question and wonder about things ad it is difficult if you feel like you are one of the very few who think on a more abstract level...Now, here is another important point...most people feel that way in their lives, you are soo not alone on this one.. Here are some good ideas of how to build confidence.....OK, you seem to have deep negative feelings about yourself sometimes...perhaps you do not feel fulfilled? One way to feel good about yourself and feel a sense of purpose and worth is to help others and volunteer...seriously...there are sooo many less fortunate people in this world who actually need YOUR help...thus, you are not wortheless.... About the girl situation..I am going to give you some really strong advice..and you are going to have to trust me on this one, because I am an artsy person, yet I have no trouble meeting or acting around girls, i even have to fight them away the majority of the time....ok....Unless you are seeking a really intellectual girl (who can see through you and not love you only on attraction from a deep biological type level...ie..masculinity)...girls generally seek confidence...that is why if you are going out with a girl and keep on saying everyday "do you still like me? i dont think im good enough"...it will most likely push her away.... Now, you can still be CONFIDENT and BE YOUR SELF at the same time.....and this will increase your luck with women 1000% Now, you say you don't feel worthy of some girls and that you need their permission to touch them...well..sorry to say this..but you do most of the time if it is sexual of course....That dosnt mean you cant have a conversation with a girl or hug them or whatever....unless she has problems..next time if you have a girl on your bed, instead of feeling negative about yourself and pushing yourself away...just ask and say "i an sleep on the floor if you wish, but then again, if you are comfortable with us both being here, than that is cool too"....THat shows you respect her and that you are confident by speaking your mind...Also, remember, usually in the case with women, the way they respond to you, either negative, or positive, is a DIRECT RESULT OF HOW YOU ACT towards them...Not a big deal,,but it is hope that if you get yourself together, be proud of who you are, and stop focussing on how bad life is perceived to be, than you will probably be alright.. Also, another thing to realize about life and girls and whatever...is that no matter where you are..life is a gift and you need to work hard to get anywhere...never give up no matter what happens...as long as you treat others nice and have hope, you will never hit rock bottom.....theres always times to change and usually you just need to be prepared for when the opportunity arises.... and seriously..believe in yourself...There are waaaaayyyyyyy more worse people out ther ein the world than yourself...You dont hae to be extrememly masculine and be a biker with a gotee or somethin....just try and make the most out of what you have and have FUN while doing it...remember...you are not that different than anyone else..just try and be humble and realize that you are not the only 'thinker' in this world...and try to find your purpose in life...
  3. Hey...I totally understand what it's like to break up with someone you love and realize that things are slowly fading along with sex life. Best thing I can recommend is to just focus on good things and move on for now..you never know what will happen in the future...Actually, I heard that the average person falls in love 14 times...but how sad is that? Maybe if you want to get her back though....play 'hard to get' kinda...like...you know how women want expensive things...it all has to do with scarcity....they want things they can't have...but then again...maybe that's goin to far....I also think that the key to a successful relationship (although i am not really one to talk or follow this advice) is to make things spontaneous....Im sure when you first started seeing her that is pretty much what things were like...I don't know how much this info helps...but at least its something...It really sucks when things start to fade away...same with my case....actually..how i got over a previous gf of two years was to find another one....but that's prolly not the best solution...
  4. I just had a talk with her and listened to all her reasons. I was still getting a bunch of conflicting answers so I decided it would best if we just became friends since we obviously don't have a good communication and can't seem to work things out. Normally, I wouldn't have resorted to this, but after two years and no change...something is not working, whether it is on my part or hers, who knows? But there definitely was something missing and it was time to move on....now gotta deal with the jealousy of seein her with other dudes...but whatever....
  5. Thanks for your input... I asked her why she's on b/c if she's does not want to have sex and it conflicts with her values, and she said it keeps her cramps down and keeps her cycle normal. She said they were screwing with her hormones and I told her to go off of them, but she still said they help her keep on her cycle and stop cramps She even mentioned that her hormones took over at the start and she didn't feel guilty like she does now... Also, she said she is depressed from school and that has an effect... soo...maybe she just has no sex drive? Or maybe those are excuses...who knows....
  6. Actually, it was really only for the first year that we had sex. For the last almost two years we really havn't. Seriously, I don't think it is because I neglect her either, because I do do nice things often and even booked a trip for us to go to Montreal, Quebec for a couple nights, for something 'romantic' to do. Lately, she won't even really let me do anything to her either, because she's "had her period constantly for the last couple of months due to switching her birth control a lot of times." It's just kind of odd, because we sleep in the same bed! It's not like I'm 70 either. Actually, 70 year olds probably have more sex than I do. It's just soooo frusterating and I'm never getting a direct answer or reason. It's either due to her birth control messing her up, her religiou values, stress from school, my lack of doing dishes. She even was talking about moving out last month because she thinks it will make things better (her friend just got engaged..so maybe that could be why...i dunno). And when i said that moving out would kinda be like taking a step back in my opinion, she said then it wasn't meant to be in the first place.....I'm actually to the point where I want to maybe move on just because I am sooo confused...I've had lots of other gf's and NEVER had a problem like this one before...
  7. I know..the whole Catholic argument I think is not the real problem because of those things...living with each other before marriage and birth control are against it...I even brought up those points..... See...the thing is that if she was being resentful towards something i am doing, why not tell me other instead of using your religion as an excuse? Dosn't that take waaayyy more effort? If it is just because of her faith, then fine. But considering all of those things....I don't really believe it....
  8. What are those three things? Don't worry, I'm pretty strong so they won't hurt my feelings that much...just curious...because I've probably thought of them too!
  9. well...she says I dont clean up as much as I should around the house and the other day she said she resented me because I left dishes out...but I had two exams worth 35% of my mark and an essay to do...I'm tryin to go to med school and I need the A's, so when I am limited in time, chores are my last priority and I try to deal with them later. It's not like I don't do anything around the house either....I guess I'm going to say tell her I am not happy with the way things are going and that we really need to have a talk and figure things out........about the flirting and what not...that's pretty much gone...for now anyways...I guess if things don't work out, Im just gonna move on...I can't stand all the excuses.....but anyways..thanks for giving me your input!
  10. but she says that that is not the reason why and that she dosnt want to break up....... maybe she likes me AND someone else? who knows...
  11. If anything, I am not clingy and give her space. I am really independent and do my own things all the time. Even, when I do nice things for her I make sure that it isn't all the time to make it seem special and what not. And when I do nice things, I don't expect anything, nor do I get angry at all. It is just that after thinking about the situation on my own, I kinda feel that something is out of place. I even tried many times saying that I feel it is important even in a nice way and that if it was because of her birth control problems, I am totally ok with it. I know that something is probably going on, but I just am not sure what... Although, she mentioned a month ago that she may want to move out because she feels guilty that she is upsetting her parents and it goes against her Catholic values. Now, I'm not that naive and this makes me really question her true motives. I even told her, if it is because that she wants a break to figure things out, I am totally cool with it.......soooo....confusing
  12. hey...she brings up marriage and wants to get married within the next five years or so. How can you make her want to actively have it? Even if I take her out for dinner, clean up around the house, buy her flowers etc, it makes no difference. It's not that I need sex that bad, I am just confused as to why it ended and makes me question the future. I don't think I could be married to someone who dosn't want to be intimate. That's not my ideal marriage. It's basically came to the point where if I make out with her it feels kinda weird. I really like her a lot and I don't think I would want to loose her, but I really can't see me marrying someone who dosn't want to be intimate.
  13. When we first started dating and going out, we had sex all the time. A year later we decided to move in with eachother and she never wants to have sex, and I mean only twice a year. Lately, she says it is because she switched birth controls a bunch of times and his messed up her menstral cycle, so she won't even let me go near her really. Occasionally we do 'mess around' but just do not have sex. One of her reasons was that she says she is catholic and feels like she is doing something wrong. However, I don't know id I really believe this because when we were first seeing each other we had sex all the time. This is really starting to confuse me and I feel that we totally lack intimacy which is what I feel is very important for any serious relationship. What do you think?
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