mylolita

I am most definitely the “adoree”. To use other dating and mating terminology, I most definitely, definitely, live in my husbands frame. And that’s absolutely perfect amazing to me. I get to continue a first romance like love obsession, but up close and personal, whilst also being at the same time - afar. I surrendered to a feeling and just, simply, never stopped. If I were left ruined without anything all in the next year, I wouldn’t change one thing. As I get older, I realise the emotional intensity that I have sometimes cursed and revelled in is a ride not many people get to hop on. So I thank my lucky stars that there was an Angel over my shoulder the night I met you, and Cupid never left. I suppose if I were a Renaissance painting, there would be the tiniest hole from his arrow right above my heart, an open reminder - never healed! To truly love is to be in pain. It sounds like turmoil and, it is turmoil. You might know what I mean one day. x

The problem with me is, when I like something, I really like it, and, I want to do it all the time. Incessantly, obsessively - taken up with the whole thing. I want to sit around and drink coffee all day. Water constantly boiling every half hour, the smell of grinding beans never leaving the house. I can start at 6am and not stop till the next morning. It hardly feels like much time has passed at all. I could sit and talk with one person while the sun fell behind moving clouds, the shadows changed along the walls, abs the freshness of an early morning steadily transformed into a sleek night. Between winding in obligations, responsibilities, I can orientate myself around one spot, one eternal feeding of the open fire, looping round and round, the low jazz melting into a trance like sound track. And I’ll read, or write in parts, or like today, lose about three hours because an auction catalogue came through the post and, all at the same time, delighted my day and absolutely ruined it in one plonk of the brass letterbox. And I’m not sorry one bit - not at all! x

For any gardening, driving, dancing, relaxing, resting and dressing! @yogacat! 🎼 x

—- “Did my heart love till now? Forswear it sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night” — x

Taking trips down teenage memory lane and teenage memory boxes 👁️ 👞 Scribble scribble x

Cheers Yoga!!! Y’know, I honestly can’t remember! I think I was about 14 when I scribbled that. Probably was copied or inspired by seeing something: at that point I was into 1920’s female brooding make-up. I was obsessed with the blunt bobs, plum Cupid bows tiny lips and the drawn eyes and brows! It’s something along those lines! Someone who should be called “Lois” probably 🤣 But thanks Yoga! x

Apologies, just read Bene you are 20! Still so young! Most guys are still boys at this age and have nothing to offer women, not in stability or resources or even personality - some men are very impulsive and also hot headed just out of their teens. Try and relax into yourself, keep on and try enjoy yourself, get out there, get off the dating apps. I think you’ll be just fine. x

Afternoon Bene! Sorry if I have missed this, but can I ask how old you are? You still sound quite young? I think men have an easier time once they become a bit older and established! Many men find their dating opportunities and serious offers expand more into their late 20s, 30s through to their 40s. This is generally because by this point; a man may have been able to secure somewhere long term to rent or buy, be in an established and stable career and generally has a bit more life experience under his belt. I would become disheartened but I would say, your gut reaction to dating apps in 2024 is not uncommon and I personally would try to get off being online as much as possible, simply go about your life, work towards personal goals be that education or work or fitness or hobbies or a mixture of all and, build your castle, enjoy your life, expand on your confidence and you will probably find the tables turn! x

And @dias I know it sounds like a trite platitude and, it might mostly be. But you really don’t ever know. You can look at odds and chances for everything. I actually have come to realise in maybe a cynical way but also maybe it’s a… truthful, liberating thing - that most people, the majority, can’t have it all. Someone once said, you can have it all, just not all at once. I can’t remember where I heard that. You find people doing well in their careers but yet, their family or personal love life is not so great. Or vice versa. Or people got the money and objects they wanted but now they’re stressed. Life is drastically bitter sweet, in my opinion. The spice with the sugar, the sweet with the sour. Something’s gotta give. I mean, death is kinda a fly in ya ointment isn’t it 🥲 What can you do? I was out today with the girls and, I happened to see just, the cutest baby I’d seen in many years. This baby was objectively, SCRUMPTIOUS! All the Mums were trying to hold her. I could hardly take my eyes off her! And I was struck with this broody ness I haven’t experienced since before my youngest was born! And I was suddenly thinking back to how cute they all were, how delicious! And I found myself wanting more! As if I haven’t already got enough? I even got back home and mentioned it to D and asked him how he’d feel about a fourth. I knew he wouldn’t be automatically saying yes like the other three - I was right. I think we’ve finally settled. I’m 34 as well. But anyway, there is always this “gimme more, there could be better-ness!” urge. Whether you find someone or you don my Dias is really up to mysteries of the universe. Chance and, timing and all of that. There are many ways to be happy. I could choose to be happy so much - but often, I choose to lament. It’s a state of mind. I kid myself into thinking I “only need this last one thing” like a drug addict consoling their “final and last hit before sobriety” and, Y’know, the satisfaction never fully comes. Human nature?! Or being an ungrateful spoilt brat?! Probably the last part for me! 🥹 The people fatigue is very relatable. I used to come home as a 14 year old girl from house parties, annoyed to hell, and write scathing half satirical half serious hit pieces and character assassinations about everyone who had annoyed me that night. I even used to laugh out loud reading it back sometimes! The teenager in me still basically does that - LOL! Obviously never grew up or matured! People can be amazing, the best. They can also be DRAINING and depressing. x

This scene, when I saw this film, I was about 15 I think and it summed up my feelings around that time, when I was in this limbo, waiting room phase. You might be able to relate… “As a girl you see the world as a giant candy store filled with sweet candy and such. But one day you look around and you see a prison and you're on death row. You wanna run or scream or cry but something's locking you up. Are the other folks cows chewing cud until the hour comes when their heads roll? Or are they just keeping quiet like you, planning their escape.” x

Or solid chocolate in golden foil LMAO x

I remember a lot of teachers saying “IF ONLY YOU’D APPLY YOURSELF!” But I think often they presumed more effort = better, but with me, I actually don’t think that’s often the case. But then again, I’ve never really tried at anything much because I’m a lazy bee and spend too many hours drinking coffee, over thinking and planning what to buy and obsess over next, item, person or place! 🤣 My biggest most consistent and challenging; but fruitful effort has been in my marriage and family, and to me, that’s enough for any one gal and enough to keep you always ticking over when done to a kind of, personal and private “art form!” I think everyone has at least one ability talent! What is yours @dias? x

Cheers Dias! 🥹 I wouldn’t stretch to the word talent…! But, I used to do these very quick ink sketches, that one was probably 15 mins. I’m starting to see a bit of a pattern where I do a lot of things quick, like writing and cleaning and other kind of “tasks”. I never dedicate myself to anything, it’s a curse. Jack of a lot of trades, master of none. I throw myself into things quickly in a self taught way and then sack it off. I suppose the only consistent things I do have been dancing and writing. My Mum and Dad are fairly artistic. I’ve always wanted to have a go painting an oil on canvas portrait! Or just a segment of an intense pair of beautiful EYES! I did a stint attending nude art classes. I then became the model for a bit for extra money - LOL! Dabbled in ceramics, dabbled in dress making for a very brief and short time in my early teens! I can appreciate art by God and as you know, we have it everywhere in the house, along with me fluffing about in interior I suppose but again, I don’t see that as a thing. My kids are all very artistic, much more artistic than me! And I know parents say that; but I have to have a bit of a, proud parent moment and say, my little chiddlers draw every morning at our big antique table. I set out pens and water colours and things for them and they do that before I wake up. My husband has a big interest in birds, especially exotic birds and he knows most Latin names as well. Our kids have picked this up. These are two little pictures my son scribbled out at 5 years old. In my opinion, these are pretty darn good and even show a “style” for a 5 year old. My middle daughter is very much the same. You might be able to tell the first one is a Robin who he saw in the garden that morning! I guess I don’t list off things I “know how to do” because, who does that really and especially on a journal? I play guitar but acoustic and I finger pick it/pluck - my Dad also has a 12 string I’ll pick that up. I also dabbled with Celtic harp and borrowed one for 6 months and semi taught myself. I can play the flute LOL this is left over from school. I could maybe just about wing it in an orchestra. I play penny whistle as well, Irish jigs (errr this is the Irish heritage coming out I guess!). Oh I’ll pick up absolutely any instrument. I play a bit of piano as well. It’s all in my own way, like I do everything, I don’t learn the rules first I kind of attempt everything a** backwards. I dabble in a lot of things over the years Dias but like I say, “master of none!” 🤣 x

I apologise Yoga for throwing this off, but I will leave with my kind of dance which just, for me personally HAS to be the one and only Salma Hayek!!!! A testament to the sensual erotic dance and how, a woman need not do much - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Aaaaaaand then marry a billionaire. Ka-POW! 🤣 I joke. But, as a Tarantino fan, I think we can agree 🤩🤩🤩 x