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mylolita last won the day on January 15
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Is there really such thing as too much sex?
mylolita replied to hannarivers's topic in Sex and Romance
OP, I understand you have said or maybe hinted that you don’t talk to your partner about sex or porn? I think actually, if you were both in a cheeky mood and in a good place, asking him in a non judgemental way about what type of porn he watches, what turns him on; and anything he might like to try, would be a very good thing. A thing to explore? Sometimes it takes the mystery out of it all as well. He may have searched in the past for something he might think you never would have considered. Or, likely, he’s just searching general porn for a quick easy fix. But it can open up a really big expansive convo when you do things like this and feel comfortable and un-pressured to discuss fantasies. Also might put your mind at ease as well? I’ve been with my husband 15 years but, I’ll always remember a few years into our relationship, we were just having a really intimidate moment, pillow talk basically after sex and he turned to me and said, “Have you got a fantasy you’ve never shared with me?” We ended up getting to know so much sexually about each other. I divulged something to him I’d never thought I’d had the guts to say. We never acted on it, my choice, and haven’t to this day. But I found out so much about him that night too. We were in such a good mood about each other, that really helped. I think couples simply need to talk more. About everything and anything, not just sex. If it comes from the right place and you’re both relaxed and not in a defensive spirit, only good can come out of it. x -
Errr also forgot I was on Dias’s journal 🫨🤣 Sorry @dias 🤗
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Ah Batya that is so sweet!! I am so sorry about your friend! It does horribly run through my mind too. No one lives forever. Part of the sacrifice of having an older friend I supposed but, that negative far outweighs the positives! I don’t know if you subscribe to the idea of… actually, I don’t know why I’m asking you this because I straight up know you would not due to it’s categorising nature 🤣 but some people think we are still in animal, hierarchical pack social tiers - “alpha”, “beta”, “omega” and “sigma” being the majority of them, although there are a few more. I was reading a bit of the theory behind it today and I found myself feeling like I fit into the sigma type which is summarised as the “lone wolf”. My husband is definitely the alpha type. Anyway, I realised just like this type, I have a few very select number of people I let in properly and, they aren’t always who others would expect. I don’t care about age or gender or sexuality and, I don’t care about having similar interests although, that is a bonus. I just want to be able to discuss ideas honestly and openly with that person, that’s pretty much all that matters to me. It sounds simple but is extremely hard to find! These two older women, just like the two women you knew strangely(!) fill a mentor, quiet, gentle hand on shoulder, behind the scenes support role. I adore them very deeply. They both have that matter of fact, straight talking thing my husband has as well, which is another trait I gravitate towards! A few weeks ago I was round my other older friend Sue (72) and I brought her flowers and I brushed it off by saying “Because it’s Valentines n’all Sue!” And she whipped them off me and pretended to slap my wrist and said, “Now I don’t want to see you doing that again!” And added them to her other three bouquets she already had piled up on a sideboard! A lot of people would be offended by actions but, she meant it with such love, as in, don’t stand on ceremony with me, and don’t you go spending your money on me! And she told me she was going to feed me and that food is very important and had all my girls and her grandson crack the eggs together to make me some scrambled eggs on toast! Then she pushed a leaflet for a spa over the table for me with a wink and said, “Mothers need some r’n’r from time to time Lo - see about this to D!” Haha! This convo has reminded me I need to have her and her grandson round this week! It’s very endearing and beautiful you have gone from experiencing the sweetness of that older mentoring friendship to now being in that role yourself! x
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This short visually represents my disgust for modernity. Aka, a total frontal assault on the senses, soul, beating heart and essence!!! You’re scanning along… ahh, the beauty, the intricacy, the artistry, the DETAIL, the EXPRESSION, the magic and encapsulating glamour and wonder and master CRAFTMANSHIP of it all and then?! BAM. A carbuncle. A disgusting plight. A bland, cheap, unforgettable, depressing, stale, character-less, fast food BLIGHT on an otherworldly landscape. Otherwise known as - the modern skyscraper. This visual is how I feel all day, everyday, when faced with pretty much everything from 1960 onwards. I’m internally upset by it. Do people think this looks cool?! TASTE and ARTISTRY and passion and expression LEFT the building with this one folks! DISGUSTING 🪄 x
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I adored my friend Wendy and still do Batya! I had a wedding of only 30 guests max and she was one of them! She text me a few years ago to say: “I met you when you were so young. Now look at you - a married mother of three!” My Mum and Dad live in the same area so see her often and she still asks about me. We have lost touch over the last few years, I got so wrapped up with the kids and a big house renovation then moving again - I know her and her husband retired, bought a huge fancy motor home and have all their children and grandchildren go “glam ping” with them in the countryside! She had great strength as well! Her husband, when I met her, had recently been given the all clear for prostate cancer and she was so get on and matter of fact about it. It was her who actually forced him to go to the doctors. He worked from home through all the radiation treatments and has been great ever since. She was always a source of practicality; common sense, ultimate style! and humour for me! I also have another female friend who is 72 and I absolutely adore her just the same! I get the feeling they wished I was their daughter in law, and actually, sorry current mother in law (!) but, I wish they were my MILS too 🤣 They are full of warm praise and encouragement! You don’t get that assured confidence from female friends your own age. They’ve done it all, got the t-shirt. I remember all their little imparts of wisdom! Even the ridiculous throw away stuff that would be classed as trivial! Fantastic women! Both little power houses too 🤣 I’m only 5’4’’ but I definitely look down on them! Small but mighty! They’re real class acts. When some people age, they have the equivalent presence and essence akin to walking into an old, historic library. The leather bound books just have that smell! They exude time passed and gravitas for me Batya! I feel like they are all trying to tell me something as well. The crux of it is - realise just how lucky you are and enjoy it. That pretty much seems to be it, and what better advice could you ever ask for anyway?! x
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Massive wealth sets you free, in some respects. Just about as free as you maybe can get. I remember a lady I used to work with at the estate agents. She was 60 and I was 22 at the time. When we were sitting in a quiet tiny office together, she would impart to me little thoughts or pieces of wisdom between normal conversation. I was once at the filing cabinet and she turned to me, and said, “Lo - money doesn’t make you happy, but it gives you choice.” She was bang on. Choice to choose the best doctors, choice to travel when you want, do what you want. Greater choice where to shop, what to eat, which schools your kids go to, which house you live in. The whole world opens up. In Elon’s world, I imagine there are great constraints (maybe security constraints and business constraints) but there will be freedoms none of us will ever experience. She also told me, “When you’re young, you can get away with cheaper fabric, and as you age, you do best to pick fewer clothes in higher quality!” LOL I always remember going to all my husbands clients homes, all during the day for the most part. I once asked him, “How come everyone is home? No one ever seems to be at work?!” And he said, “Lo, rich people are always home.” This has proved true 15 years later, and way before the working from home trend started. They could either be at their house in half an hour, or were just there. None of them had to ask their boss for a day off. I think the point was, they were the boss! They weren’t working too much either, or it never seemed that way! x
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Is there really such thing as too much sex?
mylolita replied to hannarivers's topic in Sex and Romance
Hi OP! Porn is often naughty, cheeky, dirty, “nasty”, kinky and also has the added element still to this day of “forbidden”. It all adds to the easy access and excitement of it. Compared to you, and how he loves you, it’s not the same. Sex and arousal comes in so many different forms. One day, we might gravitate towards loving, deep, intimidate and meaningful “romantic” sex. Other days, we feel naughty and maybe indulge in fantasy, kinks? Some days it’s a quickie. Other days we plan some form of seduction like a date night or an evening in lingerie and a lap dance etc. It all depends. People vary so much, and so much contributes to people’s libido. Their health, their financial situations, how tired they are, how good the relationship is in that moment and time, how the trust is, how much free time a couple has! The age of the couple! It all plays into it. Being sexually compatible and having great honest communication is the key here. If you are both on the exact same wave length sexually, and know each other well, in and out the bedroom, you can’t go far wrong. I feel there is an element of doubt or curiosity with you where you’re not quite sure how your man is feeling, or why he responds the way he does? If it is really causing your brain to go in circles, I would simply just ask him! Ask him what he likes! You probably already know really! Your sex life sounds good! I do agree that the porn is just not a great thing for most men. Most men have one shot each day (ahem!) and when that’s done they are subdued and the chase desire in them dwindles. Some men can easily get habitual or addicted to porn as well. You do not want that. Bit of naughty film now and then isn’t a concern. You could also watch it together as a couple now and then - great way to search and explore what you both might not have heard from each other (likes, dislikes). All the best, try not over think it x -
It is all perspective Seraphim for sure. To some people, that scenario would be a good one! Which is insane to think peoples childhoods can be that bad. There are always people worse off. I saw a little girl no older than my two year old baby using a frame walker to get about round a shop yesterday. The Mum was quite abrupt with her and her older brother. She also lifted her by one arm when she didn’t want to leave the toy aisle. I was so glad my kids weren’t with me. I made conversation with her to try and diffuse the mum. Sometimes; I get this huge urge when I see parents and their kids battling over a toy and I presume they are short, just because they act and look rough, might have way more money than everyone in the store who knows! But it’s normally obvious they don’t. I have huge urges to give the parents £500 or something, just so the kid can have the toy or the colouring book and they can have their horrible aggressive mood maybe lifted for one day to not take it out on the kids. Then I realise I can’t do that, and it probably wouldn’t help, and who am I to think I can give some money out and all the problems go away? Probably get my face slapped for being a snobby interfering cow! And I’d soon have nothing left for my own kids if I did that every time I was out! The urge is still there anyway! Childhood is so important. I’m sorry you had a real tough one. I can’t stop thinking about that little girl and if whatever condition she has will be there for the rest of her life and, what caused it? Her Mum looked like she might have been on drugs or definitely an ex user. I know the look when I see it. I came away from that shop completely depressed and feeling so lucky that my kids are healthy and cared for and live where we do, in the house we do, with the things they have, safe and warm, always with plenty of food and anything they need. You have broke the cycle with how well you raised and are raising your son. x
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Meeting Men, Dating and Sexting... Ugh!
mylolita replied to rainbowsandroses's topic in Dating Advice
Thanks Batya! I think we agree minus the multi dating! I mean, within reason. I realise people sometimes have to date quite a lot. I am an advocate for being realistically selective in who you even go on a date with and I would never go on a date out of boredom or “just to see” or for an experience. But as you say this is each to their own! And I think you probably wouldn’t have multi-dated if first time you met your now husband you were both in the right mind set, time, and moment in life? That would have removed years of you both dating further? I’m all for having a laser beam focus on what you really want and truly knowing yourself in a brutally honest way because, time is short, life is short. We can just about her away with frittering it away in our teens 20s although that still is not so great but, after that, we feel time nipping at our heels and it’s not necessarily a bad thing, really. It makes everything more urgent and gives clarity. Dying people in their last months or year report high clarity and presence. It would be a real gift to be able to have even half of that gratitude and prescience and clarity in our normal, day to day lives. I myself have had casual sex but within my marriage in swingers clubs for a phase, so am too non-judgemental. I say absolutely have fun, as long as you have or are getting what you really want. It’s when you kid yourself that you’re content with what you’re doing when deep down not where the problems start! I feel very lucky as I imagine you do too Batya that we found our guys but I realise not all are as lucky and there is also a magical element of, luck! Right place, right time, right person! x -
Meeting Men, Dating and Sexting... Ugh!
mylolita replied to rainbowsandroses's topic in Dating Advice
I think this is very true! And the same happens with women as well so I’m not accused of sexism 🥴 You can have one woman say she never wanted kids with one guy, wouldn’t marry, etc and then the right guy comes along and her life goals change on a pin head over night! I think a lot of men and women say they just want casual but I think when you drill down and if you got them to talk frankly - most want security and long term, life partners. There are a genuine few who really never want to settle and that is of course absolutely fine, as long as they don’t string anyone else along needlessly and are open about where they are coming from. My biggest “pull the other one” moments happen when I hear people being given the line “let’s just have fun, take things slow and see where this goes”. So many variations of that line which is a string a long catch phase to keep you hooked with the promise of something potentially great; but what they’re really telling you is “I’m not ready to commit, you’re not the right one I want to commit to, but I still want something casual and I’ll call this off later when I can’t get away with my behaviour anymore or you see sense!” x -
Meeting Men, Dating and Sexting... Ugh!
mylolita replied to rainbowsandroses's topic in Dating Advice
In my experience watching and knowing men, one guy will treat a girl quite rudely, and like a piece of meat, and then when he meets another girl, he’ll treat her like a Princess! Same guy, different girls. You hear about it when it comes to marriages. Men will say; “The relationship I had with my first wife was totally different” and all the things she complained and nagged him to do, he goes and instantly and quickly does for the second wife he is happier with. Just as a rough example. People will treat you how you subconsciously demand to be treated, I really do believe that. It applies to men and women as well. x -
Meeting Men, Dating and Sexting... Ugh!
mylolita replied to rainbowsandroses's topic in Dating Advice
Cheers Batya! I mean, men will say they love the progressiveness, women do what they want, body count doesn’t matter, failed relationship history doesn’t matter - but, I think it does. Whether someone says it or not, if you’re easy to sext and bed and go casual with most guys you date, it gives off a tone! I actually don’t even believe in the go on as many dates as possible philosophy! Go on a few select ones and only if the guy has blown you off your feet and you’re like, okay girl, this could be THE ONE! Because, why waste your time?! Unless of course, you are out for the casual and then, that’s up to everyone individually but, you have to be aware of time wasted and the consequences of that, and how it might make you feel as well, at the end of the day or night or year, when everything is said and done - where did it get you? Just an alternative view which I understand comes across judgy and traditional and, I really don’t mean to take that vibe at all! What I’m really saying is - you’re better than that! And your time is worth more! x -
Meeting Men, Dating and Sexting... Ugh!
mylolita replied to rainbowsandroses's topic in Dating Advice
I think there was absolutely no mistake made! Back peddling 101! Watch out for this one aka no dates ciao for now! x -
Meeting Men, Dating and Sexting... Ugh!
mylolita replied to rainbowsandroses's topic in Dating Advice
This seems like a preference thing rainbows, but! None of this would have even made it to date uno with me or a date at all. Personally, what is going on here? They are telling you their intentions and how they view you - first thing they want to clear/try out/on their mind is sex? I am so opened minded and sexuality is massively important to me. I was a lapdancer and stripper so I am no prude and no closet uppity - but this is all screaming no respect purely casual not going anywhere and they aren’t looking at you with the goo goo eyes of love. This all boils down to - how important is your time? What do you want? If you want casual, can do hook ups, all of that, and walk away un-damaged and having had fun, I say go for it! So very few women can. On the other hand, if you are looking for something serious, someone who has potential to really love you and care for you, I really doubt this is it. And also, in my opinion, women and men so often waste their precious time and youth on casual stuff just to stop loneliness or “see where it could go” and have fun and so much else when that time could be spent either helping yourself or finding someone that really matters for the long term - forever. I am jumping the gun here and presuming you are in the end wanting something very serious? If not, I would say carry on but just have what this means in the back of your mind. My husband who I’ve been with for 15 years, when I met him he has come out of a long relationship and was involved with all kinds of hook ups, f buddies etc. friends with benefits. The night he met me he scrapped all that and never tried to even sleep with me for at least a few months and, I’m glad because he wouldn’t have gotten very far either! Think about your worth. How hard are you to get? How “valuable” are you? How are these men seeing you? Would they advise their sisters to go on dates with guys like this? Or would they want better for their sisters? People show you how they feel about you - actions speak louder than words! And to ask and try to clear sex before a first date?! Oh my goodness! Why is this guy not getting back out there alone after you say thank you, but no thank you Casanova? 🤣 This is the driest line ever! It would make me feel like doing the opposite!! When people verbally ask consent - it’s a sign of bad social skills. And a libido killer. They should just know with the flow. Men who can talk to women and be with women don’t do this! x -
Sexuality ebbs and flows - but I would imagine in 6 months you should still be ripping the clothes off each other from the excitement and newness! There is something else troubling her and also, as others have said, you simply may not be sexually compatible. I would sit down and have a non threatening or non blaming chat. Talk to her about it and your whole relationship, tell her it’s okay to be really honest. All the best, x