puzzled76

Donut, I had to reply to your message because it sounds a lot like what I am going through now. I haven't broken up with him yet, but I feel like I should. Our relationship is so unhealthy, and I've already broken up with him once. He tells me time and time again that we probably shouldn't have gotten back together, but I just felt sick when I wasn't with him. I won't get into a long story about our past but I will tell you this, you have started the process of breaking up, now get used to NC because it will eventually lead you to peace. I'm going to be on that path myself and I hope you and I can find the peace and happiness we deserve. You are definitely not alone. Good luck with everything.

His main point is that he felt that I didn't break up with him properly. He said it wasn't clearly defined so to him this felt like I cheated on him. I'm just amazed how off we were and still are when it comes to communicating. I think both of you have made good points. It's really about whether he can let the past stay in the past and learn to move forward. I like the analogy about the scarlet letter because he does bring this up everytime we have an argument about anything. I'm really trying to be understanding, but I know sometimes he is taking advantage of this situation and trying to make me feel bad whenever we have a disagreement. It's really my fault though because I am letting him do this to me. I find myself again at this point where I am reluctantly looking at breaking up with him. I hate that he puts me in the position. I love him and I don't want to break up with him, but I feel he gives me no choice. This time I won't make the silly mistake of coming back though. He always throws this in my face, that I came back to him. As if it were the worst thing in the world. If I do break up with him, i'll be on these boards a whole lot more because I am going to need a lot of support especially when we have no contact with each other. That is going to be so hard to do. I will miss his friendship so much.

I'm trying to decide whether or not to give up on my relationship. My boyfriend and I have had communication problems for a while and it got to the point that I didn't feel he loved me at all. We have a long distant relationship. Anway, he only visited me once since I moved and I was tired of him not taking me seriously. So I began the process of distancing myself from him in my mind until I could get to a point that I could break up with him. I told him that I was opening myself up to other men. He didn't say anything, which I took to mean that he didn't really care. Well one day I went to a club and met a guy and then I told my ex boyfriend that I met this other person. I think it was then that he really understood that we were over. But he wasn't prepared. I didn't know what to do because I was reluctant to break up with him but knew that our relationship was not working. So I stuck with my decision and dated this new guy for a month and a half. The whole time I was dating him, I kept thinking of my ex-boyfriend and feeling sick that I left him. I finally left the guy I was dating and asked my ex if he wanted to get back together because I missed him and I had no idea that he loved me that much. Well he did take me back, but it's been a very bumpy ride. Now we are at the point where he just can't forgive me. He wanted me back but doesn't think he can forgive me for sleeping with this guy I dated for a month and a half. I understand that I hurt him, I really do. I don't take it lightly and I've told him time after time that I am truly sorry that I hurt him. But nothing seems to work. I'm just wondering if this relationship is doomed. Is it possible for a guy to forgive his girlfriend for sleeping with another guy while they were broken up? I know he wants to, but doesn't think he can get the image of me sleeping with someone else out of his mind.

Today I sent him a friendly email because he's going on a trip and I wanted to wish him luck. Also, I saw him at the gym yesterday but we didn't get to speak much because he was with other clients. He looked like he wanted to talk more to me, but there wasn't an opportunity and I had to leave. Anyway, I asked him in the email if he was comfortable with me emailing him and if not that I would stop and then I wished him luck and for him to bring back lots of pics. He responded with a nice reply and never commented about whether he was uncomfortable. I should let you know that he didn't give me his email address. He works during the day at a non-profit, just like I do and it was easy to find his email address from the website. The non-profit I work for is working with the non-profit he works for on a joint initiative, so it was easy to explain how I found his address. I thought he might think it was stalkerish, but he didn't seem to mind. This is the second time I've emailed him. Also, I accidently rang his cellphone on New Year's eve and when I realized I who I was calling, I hung up without saying anything. (He's in my speed dial so it's easy to do that.) Anyway, on the last session he thanked me for calling him even though I didn't leave a message! It's like he wants to acknowledge that I am contacting him. I'm just wondering if this is a sign he might be interested?

fmfisdead - I have read about guys who try to conceal their attraction by paying attention to another female just to make the girl they like jealous. They think that the woman will chase them if she feels he wants someone else. Now I don't know if this what is happening here, but I have seen this technique being used. I personally don't like it because it's confusing and it could turn the girl off completely. I think I will ask him to join me for coffee or something after one of my next sessions. There have been a few times that we've walked out together so maybe that would be the perfect opportunity. Thanks for your feedback. It was very helpful.

SarCareBear, I do like him and I am trying to get signals. Well I think I see signals but I want to be sure. You might be right. He may just be very friendly or flirty with all of his female clients. I'll have to do more observations. Thanks for your responses.

Hey I don't have any tips personally, but here's a site you might find very useful: It's for Don Juan's. It seems to be pretty popular.

I am very attracted to my trainer at the gym I go to. When I first met him, I was floored by how good looking he was but I told myself to keep it professional. So a few sessions in, I start getting the feeling that he might be attracted to me. I'll give you some of the signs: 1. He asks me personal questions (and I realized that trainers are supposed to ask you questions about your lifestyle) like about who I am attracted to. He gave me a list of stars he's attracted to. 2. He stares at me a lot, but I know this could also be because he's supposed to. It's just so hard to differentiate. 3. He winked at me at the end of two sessions. 4. He picked me as one of his clients to highlight on this accomplishment board in the gym. Basically, I had to write a testimonial about his training take a picture with him. 5. He tries to make me laugh. At no point have I ever flirted with this guy. I've even been aloof in the way I act towards him. He seems very comfortable with talking with me. Sometimes I get so confused because I'll think he likes me, but then he'll talk to me as if I was one of the guys. He starts talking about how a girl in a music video is so good looking, and one time he even started talking about how this girl at the gym was so good looking and when I challenged him to go over and talk to her, he chickened out saying that he doesn't date women from the gym. He is dating someone, but he made it a point to not call her his girlfriend. I think he just started. The thing is, I don't mind if he's dating other women, but I just want to know if you think this guy is into me? I get the feeling sometimes he says things just to get reactions from me like when he talks about other women in front of me. I'm just so confused.