milliganimal

but i dont want to scare her off, dont you think i should play it cool?

some quick background = I dated a girl on/off for about 8 months, we broke up, well she broke up with me, partly cos of the long distance at the time, anyway that was when i realised that i had fallen love with her and it broke my heart. well I havent seen her for over a year, although we have recently been keeping in contact texts and mail, just mundane things - ya know? Well she has moved back to my town and i want her back, but i dont know how to play it? any advice apreciated cheers

You cant just suddenly stop your thoughts, but what you can do is change your attitude and your habits and and then those thoughts won't have such importance to you, with time and effort you will attach less and less to those negative thoughts until they disapear of their own accord. believe me its possible, I can relate to everything you are saying and I know its possible to beat it, STOP being lazy! You know what you have to do, trust yourslef and do it. Buddhism teaches to note how everything changes, things are always changing, nothing ever remains the same, so dont worry It will get better, how quickly depends on you

Get off your * * * * and start doing something positive and different on a regular basis, join a gym, martial arts class, swimming, whatever even if its only once a week to start with, lazyness is a primary root to depression! it takes alot of effort I know, I felt the same way, all i wanted to do was sleep, I had little siestas too, jeje. You have to take control nero, in the end the choice is yours! stop feeling sorry for yourself. You have probably got to a stage that I did where you sort of enjoy kicking yourself, as you said youve come to accept "it" as the norm, its much easier to stay where you are (a comfort zone - all be it a negative one) - well **** that get it into your head that your gonna do something about it and do it!!

--I don't do any of the things I used to do-- I think this may have a lot to do with your current mental state, for one you've given up doing things that you enjoyed and atleast one that you are probably good at too? I for one find my confidence and self esteem (very much linked to depression) in the things that I am good at, giving up is not a good thing (if its something positive ofcourse such as reading, sports, interaction with people). Giving up on such things I would suggest is allowing you to concentrate on the negative things that are going on for you at the moment. think about recovering lost hobbies or even starting new ones, the more the better, to start with even just as a distraction, something else to think about! set yourslef small acheivable goals with something, anything? think about it, It cant be a waste of time? have you allowed yourself to become a little lazy? Now that you are not participating in those activities what are doing with your time, lazyness leads to depression. --I take every little thing so seriously and get upset easily-- --I'm always tired and feel sickish-- --I feel like every little thing he says is negative toward me (overanalysing) these are trates of depression, I am certainly not an expert in any way, I am simply offering you what I have found from personal exerience and that is that is that these symptoms will slowly pass as you rebuild on your confidence and self esteem. The bit about being tired all the time baffles me I cant believe the difference in energy that I have in comparison to when I was depressed all the time

thanks alot to all, Im just gonna keep my mouth shut!

Im just about to return to work, its my last day! Ive spent the best part of two years working in the same establishment as this horrible girl and today will be the last time I ever see her hopefully! yeeeah!! well we have a mutual dislike for each other and that is being kind. Although I have never done anything to offend her ( except not really talk to her which is because she is such a negative person that honestly just her precence makes me feel ill ) I know she backstabs me all the time as she does with lots of people, she always seems to be bad-mouthing others. Well my dilema is this, I am so tempted to tell her what I think of her and, unconsciously, I keep finding myself practicing in my head what to say to her, would it be releiving to let her know what I think of her, as Im writing this I guess I know its better not to I sappose I will leave it, but its so tempting? any suggestions

excellent post keenan that makes so much sense!

Thank you for your feedback, thats great advice Its good to hear that I am going about it in the right way. I like the metaphor of the onion! After reading some great stuff last night about introversion and extroversion I was inspired to write this: I feel like an extrovert trapped inside many cages of introversion that are built by the events, emotions and mistakes of my past. There are many keys around me but many locks and finding the right combination is confusing, sometimes I find the way out, only to find myself in another cage, but this doesn't worry me so much now because each time I pass through another door the light in the following cage gets a little bit brighter. But I am still frightened, I wonder if there are any hidden trap doors that might surprise me from under my feet and take me back into a darker cage, like has happened before? Even if this doesn't happen will I finally break through to the brightness of day?

Some quick background - about a year ago I finally plucked up the courage to see a doctor about my problems, I had already self diagnosed myself with anxiety disorder and depression and my doctor pretty much agreed he said that what I was experiencing was General Anxiety Disorder linked with Dep., although I feel myself that it could be better described as Social Anxiety Disorder considering that any anxiety that I experience is almost always triggered by encounters with people, be they new people or (sadly) even friends! I then went to see a counsilor whose advice was that the first thing I should do is to increase my self esteem - which was at rock bottom. Well a year later and I feel that I have improved alot, I rarely feel utterly depressed, I feel that my self esteem is improving, slowly but surely (I understand that it is a long process) and my anxiety "attacks" around people happen much less frequently than before (the strange thing is when they do or when they dont happen is so unpredictable??) I believe that the key to solving my self esteem problem and improving my confidence is to increase my achievements and by not giving up at things that I start - and it seems to be working although I realise that I have along way yet to go, and I still have my doubts, so is this as important as I think it is, is this behaviour accountable for my improvement? If I continue like this and build on my personal achievements will my self esteem and confidence continue to grow? will those attacks finally disappear? - alot of questions I know, I have so many! Just one more, sometimes I feel that I am doing something because I need to succeed in it and that I need to prove to myself that I can become good at it and I end up thinking more about that than actually enjoying myself which obviously tends to slow improvement down, one activity in particular comes to mind that I do really enjoy that sometimes feels more like a chore because I am so worked up about succeeding - any ideas? thanks

oh one more thing : Its a bit of Buddhism that has also helped me tonnes!! Learn to notice how nothing is permanent, everything is constantly changing that includes emmotions, opinions and beliefs so even if you really do upset someone by not saying hi, or by saying something that makes your look really stupid its not something thats going to be permenantly fixed in peoples mind.

hey cranberry, I got into the habbit of doing EXACTLY that all the time a couple of years back, unlike you I didn't go about seeking advice I just keeped it to myself along with most of my feelings that I bottled up until It got out of control and developed into an anxiety desorder. After spending the best part of two years entirely confused and often depressed I finally plucked up the courage to speak to somebody proffesional (good move). I think the quote "Those who care don't matter, and those who matter don't care." is great and true, I wrote it down! Although I still catch myself overanalizing like that sometimes I have learned that that is exactly what it is (overanalizing) and unneccesarily. I still have with me a scrap of paper that was given to me a good while back, when I catch myself thinking like that I think of that piece of paper and it comforts me and reminds me that they are unnessecary and irrational thoughts. The scrap of paper is titled "the four agreements" : 1. Be impeccable with your word - say only what you mean. avoid using the word against yourself 2.DONT TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY - Nothing* others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projetion of their own reality 3.Don't make assumptions - find the courage to ask questions, communicate with with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and confusion. 4.Always do your best - always do your best and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse and regret *well nearly nothing Well that was my first post I hope it is of some assistance

sorry a bit long, if I can help in anyway let me know hey, well ive got alot on my mind so im gonna try and make this as simple as posible I was pritty much self diagnosed with SAD about 7 months ago, having spent a couple of years of total confusion (by this stage the condition now being coupled with serious depression) I finally plucked up the courage to see a doctor who gave me a prescription for efexor - venlaflexine 37.5mg/day - which I had been taking regularly until recently. The efexor made an almost immediate improvement in my life, by almost totally removing the depression and helping the anxiety in a big way. Unfortunately such drugs do have certain side effects, mainly dilated pupils, yawning (when you are "coming up"), jaw movement which brings me to the current dilema. All these symptoms are very recognisable both to me and my group of friends because they are very similar to the side effects of XTC -( a drug that i took nearly every weekend for a couple of years - OOPS, drugs are bad nkay, well needless to say I stoped taking any form of drug about 7 months ago - and dont intend to again!!! however most of my friends still do) So anyway I managed to hide the side effects from everyone for a long time, that is until very recently when I realised that people were taking notice and talking about it behind my back. (I realise that im conjuring up a terrbile image of my friends - please trust me my friends are a great bunch of people, but hey they take drugs ) so anyway i decided, rightly or wrongly, to ease of the venlaflexine for a while, for 1 to been seen not to be "high" and two to see if I could actually manage without - well **** last night I realised I couldnt, I spent the night with 3 of my friends playing cards, I was okay for a couple of hours and then - my mind started down that oh so familiar road, i started to become very conscious of myself and others, i started to notice my own lack of input to conversation, i started to loose concentration, feeling uncomfortable, and notice the fact that others were picking up on the symptoms aswell - at this stage there is no turning back - I wasnt able to return to converstion or disconnect from those negative thoughts all night. Finally I come to the point at hand, one of my friends (who i know the least) thinking that I wasnt going to pick it up, started droping hints to another mate, droping "subliminals" into conversation to suggest that i was coming down of drugs and thereforeeee had gone all quiet, I didnt say anything. Now I know for sure that my friends know im taking drugs and that they are talkng behind my back, I would find it embarrising to admit what I am suffering from, I think it would make my friends uncomfortable around me, I dont want to loose my friends (believe me or not they are good people) what should I do? Im angry and embarressed, should I confront my friends? I feel like pulling them aside and saying "i might be depressed but im not stupid" Im not looking for an answer to my condition,. does anybody have some advice on how to deal my friends? I cant just keep going on pretending I dont know that they know, and being talked about thanks me

I havent given this to my ex, who recently broke up with me, she was seriously hurt in a previous relationship and although i know she cares for me she doesnt want to get to close, Im crazy about her but im giving her the space she needs, what do you think? separate from truth and fiction, an emotional sea of contradiction, listen and learn but dont attach, advice easy to give but hard to catch, but is that what u really desire, to build a wall and put out the fire, to supress your feelings of happiness and love, and settle for comfort and safety, allowing yourself to be caged by the trails, left by your emotions from the past, consider this; who controls who, do u control ur emotions or do your emotions control u

Bro u just described my exact situation! my ex is affraid of commitment but she has her reasons, she was in a long term relationship before that went sour, the advice i have been given i think is very good that is if u can manage it just be there for her as a friend and eventually she will come to you, if she is insecure try to compliment her on her qualities, the way she dresses, her hair, whatever, good luck