barenmind

It really wouldn't do me much good to move out any sooner. I have school to concentrate on, and after graduation in May, I'll need to concentrate on finding a job, and then moving out may be an option. Until then, I'm afraid moving out would cause more problems than it would solve. Besides that, I haven't had very good luck finding good roommates here. My ex-girlfriend is a great roommate though. I think things will get easier when her bed arrives, and she moves into the other room (I know, the plot thickens, but we stay on our own sides of the bed). The thing is, even though I still love her, I really can't see myself getting back together with her, after all this. I just don't feel that she has strong enough feelings for me anymore, and I can accept that. It hurts a little, but I'd rather be able keep a good friend, than ruin a friendship trying for something that just isn't there anymore. So, I've decided to move on. In fact, all these thoughts came to me while I was visiting my family over the holidays. Separation did help. Since the New Year, I have met a few women who I am interested in, I'm just afraid that if I get really close to one of them... a) I will make the same mistake I seem to always make, and move too fast. b) I will behave myself and become "like a brother". It's really a fine line that I have not been able to find a balance to. If I do begin dating someone, what will happen when they meet my roommate? Will there be jealousy and suspicion? Will they get along? I won't want to have to choose between them. Is it too soon to be thinking about any of this? I feel a little guilty sometimes, being ready to move on so soon. Especially since I do sincerely love my ex.

Well said Northalius. Kudos!

If you don't find anything attractive about this guy, by all means, don't just date him because you think it might help you get over the last guy. That isn't fair to this guy at all. However, I don't think you should go running back to a guy who treated you any less than you feel you should have been treated in a relationship either. I would say forget about men for a while, have some fun, spend time with friends, relax and forget about relationships, until someone comes along who treats you the way you want to be treated, and who you find attractive.

I think you are afraid of change. What is it about this new guy you don't find attractive? His appearance? Mannerisms? Or is it just that he doesn't treat you the same way as your first love? Do you like being treated badly? I'm not trying to be cruel, but it seems to me that this is a bad habbit many women fall into, and I don't want you to fall into it too.

Where to start? I entered a relationship with this woman at the end of May '06. It's over now, and has been since, hmm... I guess the beginning of December maybe. I admit we both moved too fast in the beginning, and we were living together at the beginning of August. We were great living together, we still are, we get along great, as friends now obviously. I really don't know what happened. Things kinda cooled off sexually after we moved in together, and eventually she broke up with me. I saw it coming, and handled the news quite well, and we remain good friends. She said the reason for the breakup was because of stress. She was stressed about our relationship being a secret, which, if exposed, could have cost her job. Which I completely understand, but part of me suspects it was just an excuse to get out. As an afterthought, she added a comment about my sexual performance, which I tried not to take personally, but obviously it still bothers me. I wasn't lasting as long as either of us would have liked. Of course, I attribute this to the lengthy dry spells between sexual encounters which I felt I was always initiating at this point. To be fair, she had been experiencing an irregular cycle. Anyway, I really didn't want to get too deep into our sex life. The thing is, she said when we broke up, that maybe when circumstances were different in the near future (May 07) and our relationship wouldn't have to be a secret any longer, maybe we could see where things go from there. In the mean time though, she has told me she is okay if I see other people. We still live together, mind you. The lease is up in August. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to feel? I still love her very much, but I recognize that we are better as friends than we ever were as lovers. Part of me wants to meet other women, but how am I supposed to explain to any woman I meet, that I live with my ex-girlfriend, who I still love very much? And part of me wants to wait and see if we can get back together in the future. I'm confused.

As for trying a real relationship with her, I don't think it would last long. There are too many things we would want to change about each other.

Well, I know for a fact that we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things that are important to us, but that really hasn't stopped us from being friends. There is definitely a chemistry there, but I just think it feels wrong. Part of me wants to do it, but it kinda goes against all my morals and values.

What does everyone here think of this? A friend of over a year proposed the idea to me recently. She says she likes me, but realizes that we are incompatible, which is true, but I like her too. It's weird. I don't know what to think sometimes...

Does silence threaten insecurities?

I agree with you too Miss M.

Once the snowball starts rolling, it just gets bigger and bigger. Just make sure you don't use yellow snow to make your snowball.

Well said!

No one is trying to attract themselves. I'm already stuck with me. I agree that you should be able to see yourself as a beautiful person, but if no one else ever reinforces this, what's the use? Of course, once you see yourself as a beautiful person, other people will begin to see it too. It's kind of a catch 22. You just have to ask yourself, "Do I want to make the change now, or just sit around waiting for it to happen?" I do think posting a photo online for the purpose of receiving comments or ratings might surprise those who think they're "ugly". You may get bad ratings too, but you can't please everyone, but if you get one '10', it means someone thinks you are a '10'! That's a pretty good feeling, even if it is only one person.

I have some questions I'd like to ask about the behaviour of some women. Not all women do these things, but the ones who do, I'm curious to know what you're thinking... 1. Self-proclaimed b-words. Why do some women not only admit to being them, but are quite proud of it even? 2. Why do some women complain that they can never find a nice guy, but continue to go after the same kind of guys? 3. Why do some women talk incessantly, get mad if interrupted, then complain that their boyfriend never says anything? ...I might add more questions to this thread later.

So true, I think anyone who questions whether they are attractive or not, should post a photo on Hot or Not, just to see this phenomenon. There ARE people out there that have rated me a '10' on there, albeit not as many as the ones who gave me lower scores, but it does show that beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder.