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HajiMaji

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HajiMaji last won the day on January 28 2008

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About HajiMaji

  • Birthday 10/28/1984

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  1. I feel you Angel, for sure. For me, this forum has been a wonderful place of support and wisdom. I have noticed that people can get very upset when they hear about the age gap stuff and it really sucks for the people just trying to get advice. Lots of times when we post here we are weak so we come here for the support of others. Any judgments just make us more weak and more stressed. People give advice and opinions, and the more view points the better - but i think it is a responsibility we all have to go the extra mile and make sure we arent making anyone feel uncomfortable or out of place. Life is hard enough already. Each time someone is short and uncaring here (and anywhere else in life), remember that its not your fault. They dont mean it personally - they just have their own problems and have trouble dealing with it (just like everyone). I use to be a very judgemental person and it was the worst thing ever. I feel so sorry for everyone who was around me at the time and i hope they know I was like that because i was having problems myself - not because they did anything wrong.
  2. Yeah, its perfectly ok to feel that he should have to work to get you in his life. Dont feel guilty, he used YOU! Its always up to you to determine who you want in your life as a friend or otherwise. If you feel like you should not be friends with him now, that sounds fine to me
  3. I have been dating a pretty solid woman for about 4 weeks. There is so much that I like about the girl, but still there are some things lacking between us. Really, the situation has 2 variables. First, there isnt a lot of magic between us. We get along great and conversation flows really well. Spending time together is fun and enjoyable. I do not feel intoxicated like I have previously felt in other relationships though. I believe this comes mainly down to the fact that we do not fill each other with life or gain lots of energy from each other. My previous relationships have been huge in that respect. We just gained so much energy from each other. Is this issue something I should even be thinking about right now? Is that an important thing to a long term relationship? Can that thing be created between us? And lastly, the second variable is sometimes she says things about her ideal future and i dont buy into them. Mainly the amount in which she intends on drinking worries me - because half of my family drinks quite a bit and it breaks my heart to think about them. Part of me doesnt want to get involved with a woman who doesnt feel like drinking a lot is a phase to grow out of once you settle down. The funny thing is she only drinks once a month or so right now, so I cant even decide if shes lying to herself when she speaks about drinking a lot as she settles into the 'adult' life. Is that a red flag? I mean she pretty much told me she 'knows' shell be an alchohalic and is totally ok with it (her parents are addicted to drinking and thinks they handle it well) Its only been 4 weeks, im not crazy attatched to this woman. Its still pretty casual (but were growing closer). My thoughts on my situation are probably: Keep spending time with her and learning a little more about her. See if our personalities continue to match and see if we can create a little more energy between us. And as for the alchohal thing, see how it plays out. She doesnt drink much now (i drink the same amount she does right now!) so maybe shes just being cute. So Id say roll with it until its a problem. Its just that dating is just the process of finding someone to spend your life with right? And who would want the mother of their children to be an alchohalic!? Do any of you have an opinion? Do you think what I said to myself seems like good advice? I would appretiate any replies!
  4. My final advice would be: Yes, youve learned a lot, but healing takes time. You never know when a specific memory or emotion will pop up and make you feel upset. Mourn the loss. Each memory requires a mourning period. If a song comes on that reminds you of your ex, its ok to feel sad. Times will come and you will feel very sad. Even though you accept and understand what you are going through, it will still hurt. Let the emotions come as they please so they can get out of your system. If you keep recovering fom these little sad moments in time, eventually you will be more resistant to them. In time you will get upset less. Memories of your ex wont populate your mind as much. Eventually, they will be gone. Just know that even though your brain can switch on and say, "I am better now" know that the heart takes time and mourning. Youll get it though! I know it, man. Im proud of where you are at
  5. Something like this happened to me. The main reason I transfered schools was because of my girlfriend. I had been driving an hour and half every weekend to spend time with her anyway, I thought I might as well transfer there. To make a long story short, the relationship ended and I was in a strange place. I have never felt so alone. When she broke up with me it hurt to loose the relationship and was compounded by the fact I was in this strange new place where I knew nothing. I dont want to discourage you from doing what you feel is right. I just want to tell you my story since it relates in a way. Being away from friends and family is tolerable when you have a loving significant other around. Just be sure that you would feel alright if your boyfriend leaves you, because otherwise you will feel bad knowing you are in some place you dont really want to be.
  6. When I get angry like this I take a little time to cool off, and then I let them know that the situation mad me angry. If ya dont communicate that sort of thing it will eat at you for a while. Make sure that when you talk to him its very chill. Just state what happened and how it made you feel. Dont accuse him or anything, even be sure to tell him that you understand it was a stressful event and he had much on his mind. You guys were trying to win afterall! If you maturely let him know your feelings were hurt he will probably be receptive to it. And most importantly you will feel better! No screaming at him though
  7. Im glad to see this. Its all part of the process and you are moving along. Haha, living by yourself during these times isnt the best.
  8. Uh, yeah! Sliding it under the door is a perfect touch.
  9. Yeah, i hear ya. A few things. It took me a good year to get over my relationship. Everyone is different, but it takes as long as it takes for all those emotions and feelings to go away. They will fade each day. Once they do you can progress with the new guy. Closure is a hard thing to find. I never have had my closure per se. I have friends who have had "closure" but still their hearts lingered on. Even if he says he doesnt love you and never will again, your heart will have a hard time excepting that fact. Now, your asking a lot of questions. Thats good and im glad to see it. But i cant begin to answer them. I just know that step one is getting over your ex. Dont feel embarrased about still being attatched to him! You loved him! It takes a long time to get over that. They say the harder we loved someone the harder it is to get over someone. Its a good thing to love people a lot, but feeling sad for a long time aferward is not so much fun! I think youre doing alright. Take it slow with the new guy. Continue to let time pass and heal from your last relationship.
  10. I dont know how to do this sort of thing without medical insurance, however I really want to say that your current attitude is very important. I, too was in this position. The fact you are ready to work through your issues is MORE important then the therapy, but the therapy would definitely be nice. I just really want to give you support with your willingness to face your situation. That is so rare and so vital in a time like this.
  11. HajiMaji

    love

    im so happy for you. And honestly, read the art of loving. That book defined what love is for me. And.. Go for it. Free yourself.
  12. some of us get it more then others. Theres a big list of foods that give heartburn, but just pay attention and im sure you already know them. If you do not drink with your meal it is suppose to help the heartburn problem. There was a time i was getting it everyday even if i ate neutral food. Not drinking while eating cleared that up. Now i dont get it very often and rarely drink with my food.
  13. youll probably be fine with using condoms. Let me rephrase that. Use one condom and youll probably be good. Make sure to put it on by rolling it over your erect penis and leaving a nice bit of baggage at the tip so when you do come, the fluid has somewhere to go without putting pressure on the rest of the condom.
  14. I am sorry I dont know more on this stuff, but given time you will be a gf or even a wife again. My buddy is dating an older woman with a 9 year old son. Theyve been together over a year and have been living together for a long time. It happens. Theres nothing you can do to stop someone from falling in love with you again.
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